I'm Looking for Something More Than This

“Nathan, this better be really important for you to pull me away from drawing,” I snickered.

“Trust me, it is,” He shot me a goofy grin.

I just laughed at his silliness as I followed him into Sophie’s bus. We were leaving for the next city in a minute so I’ll probably just ride there with Soph. But as Nathan led me inside, I found Sophie standing there talking to Kendall. There was a little table there with two dinner plates and flowers and candles in the middle.

“Well you two have fun,” Sophie smiled as she gave me a hug and her and Nathan took off. Right after, the bus started rolling forward to head to the next city.

“Um…what is going on?” I asked Kendall.

“Soph set this up,” He chuckled.

I seriously could have burst into tears right there. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I know she’s just trying to help but now Kendall is going to suspect something and it’s going to be so weird!

“Well we might as well go ahead and eat,” Kendall shrugged.

The two of us sat down and started eating dinner. We silently started eating and every once in a while we’d steal a glance at each other.

“This is really awkward,” I spoke up.

“Yeah it is,” He chuckled. “Sophie obviously wants us to get together.”

“She apparently does,” I laughed. “Do you want to watch a movie or something instead?”

“Sure,” Kendall agreed.

We moved the table out of the way and I plopped down on the couch while Kendall got the movie ready. I debated on bringing up my feelings but I quickly decided against it. I already have decided I’m never going to tell him and I’m going to keep that promise.

“What did you pick?” I asked as he sat down next to me.

“One of our favorites,” He grinned with those dimples coming through that kill me every time.

“Anchorman!” I squealed, clapping my hands and making him laugh.

The two of us sat and watched the movie, cracking up the entire time. I was crying almost the whole time because I was laughing so much. That is one of the things that I first realized I loved about Kendall, was that him and I always laugh together and have fun.

“I love that movie so much,” I said when it was over then quoted, “LOUD NOISES!”

Kendall cracked up before saying, “I don’t know how to say this but I’m kind of a big deal.”

I just started cracking up all over again and fell on the floor laughing. Kendall stuck his hand out to help me up through his laughs but ended up tripping over my legs and falling down next to me. As our laughs died down, we turned to each other and looked into one anothers eyes.

“Kirstie,” Kendall started.

“Yeah,” I replied.

“I….I…um…” He stuttered and I saw nervousness in his green eyes but he quickly said, “I, um, I like that movie a lot.”

My heart dropped and in that second I knew it was the end of any little hope I had of ever being with him.

“I like it too,” I mumbled.

We got up off the floor and it was pretty awkward for a minute as we sat on the couch but as we started a conversation again, we both brushed the moment away and didn’t acknowledge it.

“I am really glad Nathan and Sophie are together,” I said to him.

“Me too, I know they really like each other and they really make each other happy and there’s nothing hotter than someone who you can have fun with, cares about you and makes you happy,” Kendall smiled.

“I think so too,” I replied.

“Hey Kirst, will you help me with a song I started writing?” He asked, grabbing his guitar and a notebook. “You’re good with words.”

“Not all the time,” I mumbled to myself.

I knew this was the end, we had an opportunity and it crashed. If Kendall had any feelings for me he would have said something but he didn’t, so it’s over and it broke my heart to accept that.