I'm Looking for Something More Than This

It’s been almost a week since Kendall broke up with me and I’ve been an emotional wreck. I’ve barely done anything other than lay in bed, eat comfort food, cry and watch sappy movies. I decided though I want to stop moping and move on. Obviously Kendall is over it and has probably moved on and I’m going to also so he doesn’t know how much I miss him, I guess I’m just stubborn like that.

“Hey Soph, want to get something for lunch?” I asked her as she flipped through channels since Logan was busy filming.

“Sure,” She agreed.

The two of us grabbed our shoes and I found my car keys as we headed out. Eventually we found this cute little café and got a seat outside in the warm sun.

“Sorry I’ve been so lame lately,” I apologized after I took a bite of my lunch.

“It’s alright, I understand,” Sophie sent me a sweet smile.

“Thanks,” I replied.

Just then my phone buzzed and I grabbed it and opened my home screen. I saw I had an alert on my calendar.

“Did someone text you?” She asked.

“No, I have a calendar alert, reminding me the MTV Music Awards are on Friday. Kendall and I were going to go to that together,” I sighed, running a hand through my hair as my eyes glossed over slightly.

“Well you can still go without Kendall,” Soph encouraged me.

“You and Logie should go, you can make your first appearance as a couple,” I smiled, poking her arm but I noticed she seemed a bit upset. “You okay?”

“I got a call yesterday,” She sighed.

“From who?” I asked.

”Nathan,” Soph answered.

“Really? What did he want?” I questioned.

“He said they were coming to America for another tour and he wanted to see me because he missed me,” She mumbled.

“Do you…want to see him?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” She groaned. “I told him I had a boyfriend.”

“That’s not what I asked,” I smirked with a little laugh. “Forget Logan is my brother for a minute. Do you want to see Nathan?”

“I honestly don’t know. It just upset me that he got to me that much. I want to just forget about him and be with Logan but I kind of can’t and I don’t know why!” Sophie explained.

“Maybe if you just see how it plays out, it’ll all work out the way it should,” I smiled.

“Yeah, I hope so,” She nodded. “How are you feeling about Kendall?”

“Okay I guess,” I shrugged. “I feel like I’m half and half.”

“How’s that?”

“Well just like, part of me is still really upset and sad but part of me just wants to move on because I know he doesn’t love me or care. But I still love him, and I think part of me will always love him no matter what.”

“Let’s just become nuns Kirstie,” Soph laughed.

“It sure would eliminate a lot of drama from our lives,” I giggled.

“But it would be less fun,” She kept on snickering.

I just have so many emotions swelling inside of me, hurt, sadness, regret, confusion, love, and every other emotion there is. I hope everything works out for Sophie and Logan though, and that everything can be happy and good, but it doesn’t always work out that way.