I'm Looking for Something More Than This

“I can’t believe she’s going out with him,” Logan grumbled.

“But she is…” I tried to hold in my huff.

“After what he did to you, she’s going to…” he started rambling all throughout the house.

I couldn’t stay here with him. Between his ranting and raving about Kirstie being gone and… me not… being so… happy about Kirstie and Nathan, I left. I called someone and was going to meet up with them. Telling Logan I was going to go out for a little bit, I was gone.

Hoping in my newly bought car, I drove to this said person’s house. When I knocked on the door, he answered right away. The glowy green eyes of Kendall met mine. I flashed him a smile as I walked by.

“You ok? You and Logie have a little fight?” he teased since I didn’t really need to tell him why I wanted to come over.

“Not exactly…” I sighed as I sat down on his couch.

“Ok…” he wrinkled his face up while sitting next to me.

“Nathan’s in town,” I started.

“Logan told me,” he replied.

“We had dinner one night just to kind of feel each other out I guess,” I went on.

“Go well?”

“Yeah, fine.”

“So… you’re problem is?” he made that famous Kendall smirk at me.

“Nathan’s out tonight…”

“Are you… hung up on him?” he cut me off before I could finish.

“With Kirstie,” I pieced together.

His mouth hung opened; his voice seeming to be caught in his throat. Maybe I shouldn’t have been… so blunt about my statement. But he wouldn’t let me finish to begin with!

“She’s… out… with him?” he spoke softly.

“Yeah,” I nearly whispered.

“Are they… together?” he had a hard time with hat sentence.

“I don’t know,” I huffed, bringing my knees to my chest and hugging them against me.

He went on to let out his own huffs. Silence fell over us then. It lasted for the longest time. I felt terrible. Maybe I shouldn’t have come to Kendall. But he’s my friend! And I can’t really talk to Logan about how I’m feeling!

“Why did… you break up with Kirstie?” I asked quietly, almost afraid to.

He let his head fall to his hands, rubbing them against it a few times before he looked back up. His gaze stayed on the ground even as he spoke.

“I was… just scared,” he muttered.

“Of what?” I had to ask.

“Getting hurt,” he was quick with his response.

“Kirstie would never hurt you,” I stepped in.

“But I’ve just been so hurt in the past… and… I loved her and… I just couldn’t let myself be in the position to get hurt again,” he confessed.

“Did you ever tell her this?” I questioned.

“No. I didn’t want her to think it was her. It wasn’t. It’s all me,” he countered.

“Aw, Kendall,” I cooed, noticing the hurt flushing over his eyes.

While scooting over, I pulled him in for a hug, trying to give him a little comfort. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. Once the moment was over, he sat back up, seeming to be a little better.

“So… are you… over Nathan?” he asked, looking right into my eyes.

I… couldn’t lie to him. That gaze just… sucks the truth right out of you! Knowing I couldn’t lie to him, i… confessed.

“No,” I muttered.

“So it really brothers you that he’s out with her, your best friend,” he had to remind me.

“A little…”

“A lot,” he corrected me through a chuckle.

“I guess,” I sighed.

I was waiting for him to bring up the way I felt towards Logan. Thankfully, he didn’t… and he didn’t press the Nathan subject anymore. But I was still… bothered! I couldn’t fix it though! I didn’t even know how to fix it! He’s out with Kirstie… and I’m with Logan. Everything’s… ok… I just need to… figure out my feelings!