Limits

I slipped off the dress and threw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Though I didn’t want to ruin my hair, I still put it into a messy bun.

I may have looked beautiful in that dress, but I was nowhere near the level of beauty other girls had. The guys weren’t known to chase after girls like me. I wasn’t as thin as other girls or as talented. I was just me.

“Jane! Get your bum out here! I know that you’re over there sulking. Stop your morbid thoughts and watch Bridesmaids with me!”

I jumped at the sound of her voice. She always seemed to know what was going through my mind.

With one last glance in the mirror, I exited the room and walked over to the couch, sitting opposite Kate.

She had already changed into more comfortable clothes and was sitting cross-legged with a bowl of popcorn on her lap. The movie didn’t even start yet, but she was chewing contentedly on the popcorn as if the movie were an excuse to eat it. We already watched it five times, so I knew she wanted to talk to me more than watch what was happening on the screen.

She stuffed a handful of popcorn into her mouth and, after a few moments of chewing, stared at me. I gave her a knowing look and she swallowed.

“All right, all right! I just really wanted to know about that Liam character. You’ve been grinning stupidly since we left the party. Either you like him, or you had one too many pints.”

“Shove off, you know I don’t drink,” I said, which only made Kate grin like the Cheshire Cat.

“Fine! I guess I like him. But it’s not like it matters. I’m sure he doesn’t fancy me. I’m not particularly pretty and I’m not good at anything. I’m terribly boring and uninteresting. Nobody would ever go for a girl like me, especially someone like him. In any case, whether I like him or not doesn’t matter. He probably already forgot my name.”

Kate stared at me and looked about ready to slap me.

“Are you kidding me? Shut up! You are perfect and amazing and just UGH! Stop putting yourself down! Any guy would be lucky to have you. You are incredibly smart and you are extremely pretty. Oh, and you’re ‘not good at anything’? How about no?! You are a fabulous singer, a breathtaking writer, and you are ridiculously artistic. I would kill for your grades, especially in math because I hate math. It eats your soul and laughs while you cry at the numbers that taunt you on the piece of paper that is the equivalent of hell. It also doesn’t help if you have a freaking satanic teacher. Alright, let’s stop talking about math… my point is that you are brilliant and I can’t believe you don’t see that. See the mirror? Well take a fucking look because what you see is perfection incarnate. Actually, you are even better than that. You are perfectly imperfect as they say.”

I looked over at her skeptically. “Whatever you say. I really appreciate everything you said, but I just don’t know why I can’t see any of that in myself. I feel like I can be better. In fact, I know I can. I strive for perfection knowing it’s near impossible to attain. With that being said, if I lower my expectations, then I won’t be as disappointed.”

“Jane,” Kate whined, “You shouldn’t think like that. Ever. There are so many great things about you, and in regards to guys, you should never lower your expectations. You’re my best friend and if you are going to be with somebody else, he better be someone I approve of; he has to be the best of the best. He also has to be able to share you with me and deal with me.”

“Did you just give me conditions for dating? Shouldn’t I be the one making them for myself?” I looked at her with one eyebrow raised.

“Yes, yes I did. Oh, and nope. I make the law around here. It is law,” she said, slapping her hand on the table as if it were a gavel.

“You stole that from tumblr, you whore!” I laughed obnoxiously and snorted, which only caused Kate to join in.

“Ha! You snorted! And so what? Everyone whores off of tumblr! That’s just a fact of life,” she replied before she stuck her tongue out at me like a toddler.

I gave her a menacing look before the laughter burst from my mouth.

Suddenly, Kate stopped laughing and gave me a serious look.

She pointed her finger at me. “You, my friend, keep changing the subject. Tell. Me. About. Your. Night. Ahora. I want to know what you did!”

“You speak Spanish now? That’s new. Why do you want to know so badly?”

“Yes. I’m an honorary Mexican, remember? Because. I’m a girl and girls like to know these things. It’s in that book that girls talk about all the time, but only follow when it is convenient for them. Anyway, you never talk to me about boys and this is the first one I’ve ever seen you smile about. Please tell me! Pretty please,” she pleaded.

I looked at her and the words came pouring out. “Alright! Nothing really happened. I was planning on sitting and moping all night, but someone came up to me. I figured, ‘Hey, it’s a party and I’m here to be somebody other than me,’ so, I flirted with him. Sort of. I’m not really great at that whole thing, but I tried it out.

“He was really sweet and inviting. Warmth seemed to radiate off of him. He made me feel special and safe. He made me feel like I was truly beautiful. For once, negative thoughts didn’t plague my mind. I was lost in his eyes, so deep as if they never ended. Kate, I… I think I really like him,” I finished, looking up.

I held my head in my hands as my cheeks grew crimson. Did I really like him? We only just met, yet I wanted to see him again. I wanted to understand the mysterious boy.

“I know you do, love. You’ve fallen fast. You and your puppy dog eyes. Now, tell me the rest.” She ushered me to go on.

I took a breath and told her how I almost kissed him.

“You what?! That’s my girl! You should have gone for it. After all, he did want it. Okay, I’ll be serious now. I honestly think he likes you. So, go for it. Ask him out. Maybe it will work out. What’s the worst that could happen? He could say no.”

“Or he could say yes and I would make a fool out of myself. Or I could let him in and end up with a broken heart.”

“You never know unless you try, Janey. You have to try. Look at me. You are going to get to know him, yeah? You are doing this for me and, more importantly, for yourself. You need this. I would never want to see you hurt, but sometimes, you need to experience some of the bad to get to the good. I can’t protect you from everything. Believe me, if I could, I would. However, life doesn’t work that way. You exchanged numbers, yeah? Well, text him. I want more popcorn, so, do it while I’m gone. Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?”

I stared at my best friend. She was like a sister to me. She knew me better than I knew myself.

“I hope you know that I love you to pieces. I’ll give it a shot. I have to break out of my shell sometime. Oh, and get me some tea.”

“What kind?” she called from the kitchen.

“Yorkshire, if you have any,” I called back distractedly, playing with my mobile.

“Yep! I’ve got it! I just have to…” she called before I heard a series of crashes. I dropped my mobile and ran to the kitchen.

“FUCK! Why on earth did my mum put the tea on the top shelf?! I’m short! Doesn’t she know this?! UGH. Now, I’m bleeding. I’m going to die. This is a tragedy.” She sat on the floor looking at the cut on her hand.

“Stop being dramatic. You are not going to die. Anyway, you should have brought over the step-ladder and you shouldn’t have picked up the glass with your hands,” I said as if to a two-year-old.

She looked up at me and pouted. “I hate you. Now, help me up.”

I smirked mischievously as I formulated conditions in my mind. “I love you, too. I’ll help you up if you tell me everything you did tonight.”

Kate eyed me cautiously. “Like what?”

“Oh, you know what. You and that Zayn character kissed!”

A bright crimson rushed up to her cheeks as the words left my mouth.

“I don’t kiss and tell.”

“That’s a whole bunch of bullshit. You made me spill the details. Well, now it’s your turn. I am ready!”

“Your innocent mind won’t be able to take it. You are too pure.”

“Seriously? Pure? Are you kidding me? I’m not that naïve.”

I started picking up the larger of the broken pieces and put them into a bag. The various colors splashed the floor with a new vibrance. I checked in a nearby closet for a broom and dust pan. A few rolls of paper towels tumbled down into my face as I opened the door. After cursing, I found what I was looking for and shut the door.

“Ugh! Fine. But you aren’t going to like it.”

“Just tell me! The suspense is killing me!” I began picking up the smaller pieces with the broom as Kate sat amongst the mess.

“All right, all right. Well, after we split up, I went to get a drink. I wasn’t planning on getting completely drunk; I just wanted something in my system the help me cut loose. So, after the drink I started dancing. A guy came up to me and asked if I would dance with him; I said yes. We started talking and I slowly lost track of time. I could tell that he had at least a few drinks, but he was nowhere near drunk. We slowly danced and I got lost in his eyes and the way his eyelashes seemed to brush his cheekbones. My eyes trailed down to his jawline, which was absolutely perfect, and then they rested on his lips. We got closer until there was no distance between us and kissed. It was sweet, but it was filled with something more, something real. We kept at it for a while and I started to forget that we were even in a room full of people.”

I stared at her, gesturing for more. I could tell she was omitting details.

“You’re not telling me something,” I said, giving her a sassy look.

“I told you enough. I already violated the kiss and tell rule. Do you want details? I’m pretty sure you don’t. I won’t be able to take back what I say. It would mar your ears. Maybe I’ll tell you when you get off your bum and text Liam!”

“Maybe I will! I’m not that innocent, you know. You couldn’t have done anything that dirty.”

She looked at me and blushed.

“Oh my gosh! You did do something dirty, you naughty child! Now, I’m going to let my imagination get the better of me.”

“Shut up!” she whined.

I gave her a cheeky grin and walked toward the couch.

Bridesmaids was still running on the telly as I stared at the screen of my mobile. I grabbed a blanket and pulled it over my body.

“It’s freezing in here,” said Kate as she handed me a cup of tea. I placed the tea on the side table next to the couch.

“I know. The blanket isn’t much help. Explain to me why you have an itchy and uncomfortable blanket.”

She moved under the blanket right next to me, trying to steal my warmth. “Move over. Oh, and my gran made it. I would feel bad if I just threw it in the rubbish.”

She yawned loudly as the movie went on. Her eyes began to close as her mind grew weary. I stared at the movie in silence as the end credits rolled up the screen.

I should’ve gone to sleep, but I wasn’t tired. Also, Kate was on top of me and I didn’t feel like waking her up. I didn’t want to deal with a grumpy friend.

I fiddled with the buttons on my mobile as a small snore escaped from Kate. A smirk played on my lips as I began contemplating a message.

In my trance of trying to think up the perfect message, I realized what I inputted my name as in his mobile. I mentally slapped myself for trying to be funny and flirty. Clearly, my attempts at flirting ended on me being known as the freaking honey badger.

My mind tried to back out of sending the message, but my heart pressed send. I anxiously awaited the reply.

My eyes frequently flickered to the screen, checking if he replied nearly every second. Sweat was beading in my palms as the seconds turned into minutes.

Maybe I sent the wrong thing? I should have said something else, I thought.

My heart was caught in my throat as my mobile began to beep. Kate stirred beside me as the ringer grew louder. My fingers fumbled with the buttons as I tried to quiet the annoying thing.

Hey! I was just about to text you. Zayn was trying to steal my mobile.

Zayn? Didn’t Kate say something about a Zayn? It couldn’t be the same person, could it? Oh well, I would find out later.

As I thought of the words to type, my mind kept going back to the night’s events. It was one of the best nights of my life. Granted the setting wasn’t perfect, but the people in it were. More specifically, Liam was the person who made it different and brilliant. The way his arms wrapped around me as we danced made me feel safe and comfortable. With him, I wasn’t afraid. I felt like I could be myself.

Before I realized it, my fingers were gliding across the keyboard, typing words that I would never say aloud. I felt like I could be brave in front of him. The words seemed to pour out of me without inhibition as I talked to him. I couldn’t explain it, but I liked him. His deep brown eyes caught me. I liked Liam and I was actually going to do something about it.

I looked down at the screen and pressed send.

Soon. :)

A large grin spread across my face as I put away my mobile and closed my eyes, letting sleep take me.