Expectations

Tom’s POV

I got back to my hotel that night in such a good mood; Annette was great at doing that, so it seemed. I pushed the door open and walked through to each room but soon discovered that Laura wasn’t there. In her place on the kitchen counter was a note:

Tom, I’m not going to be here tonight. I’m going out with some people I met whilst clubbing the other night and it’s Saturday night, so it’ll be a late one! I know you’re not into this scene and all that so I’ll see you whenever. xx Laura

I’d wanted to ask if she’d like to go to the beach tomorrow, but I guess I’d have to go with her another day. I wanted to do something fun with her. I wanted to believe we weren’t drifting so far apart, because the idea of that was something I really couldn’t bear to think about. Although it terrified me, I knew at times like this that she wasn’t my type. She wasn’t for me. All the same, I didn’t wish to be alone. I knew what I was like when I was alone, and it was never good.

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Of course, Laura didn’t show her face until the following morning. I’d fallen asleep on the couch waiting for her to return, worried about her safety. I was no longer so worried about that though as I spied her and my focus was on her neck before I found her eyes. I knew what those marks were, but I dared not ask. I closed the door behind her as she collapsed in the hallway, and turned off the light as I made my way to the kitchen. I couldn’t look at her, let alone speak to her, like that. I wanted her to disappear. I’d never wanted that before.

I made myself a coffee and read the instructions on the side of the tin for something to do for a moment. I was aware that she’d moved to stand beside me, swaying gently, and I could feel her hands gripping my shirt.

“I really want you,” she whispered, and I could smell the alcohol on her breath. I wondered how much she had to drink. I wondered if she was aware of what she was doing with god only knows who else, or if she’d blacked out. She seemed to be well aware of what she was doing, however, as she moved her hands to the drawstring of my track pants and undid the little bow. I turned around to face her, and immediately my eyes were back on those marks. They were dark, and clear, and they weren’t of my doing. She must have known they were there but she didn’t seem to care as she tried to kiss me, and I kind of kissed back. I told myself that I should love her for all her imperfections, as she loved me for mine. I told myself that we could fix this. I scooped her up and took her into the bedroom before laying her down on the mattress, but I didn’t know what to do next. I didn’t want to do anything next. She seemed to have other ideas, though, as she pulled me closer and slipped her tongue into my mouth. She took off her own clothes before removing me of mine, and I sat there feeling completely naked, inside and out. I was close to weeping when she finally spoke.

“Sit, dog.” I was surprised to hear her speak to me in such a disrespectful manner. But I guessed that it just turned her on. So I sat, and I awaited further instruction. “L-lay back.” Her words were slurred and I guessed she was beginning to feel her night.

“Pardon, my love?”

“Lay on your back, Tom,” she hissed, before she pushed me back herself and crawled above me. “And, eat me out.”

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I stood in the doorway as she slept, finally. I was dying to get a shower. I felt so dirty, so used, and so very low. I wasn’t used to doing things this way with anybody before. I wasn’t used to her anymore, and I didn’t like that. I wanted to be familiar with someone before I slept with them, and now she felt close to a stranger. I just wanted to love her, and for her to love me, but that suddenly felt like too much to ask. I remembered as she clawed her nails up my stomach and down my sides before she finally came and collapsed in a heap beside me. Finally. Sex shouldn’t be like that. I wanted to be drawing it out, not waiting for it to end.

I crawled into the shower once I knew she was fast asleep, not at all keen for her to join me. I needed time to myself. I was bleeding in places from her nails and teeth. I was hurting like I’d never felt before in a part of me I never knew I had. I just wanted someone to appreciate me for who I was and what I have to offer as myself. I wanted her to understand for herself that this wasn’t who I was, or who I’d ever be. I thought about waking her to ask about those marks, just to confirm, but I already knew she’d cheated on me. It hurt to realise that, a lot more than I thought it would, and I found myself crying as I stood trying to shampoo my hair.

My tears stopped after some time and I stepped out of the shower to change into my bather bottoms, board shorts, and an old white v-neck shirt that had certainly seen better days. My choice of clothing had me smiling as I remembered what the day held for me, and the simple idea of catching up with Annette floated about in my mind. She was a nice girl, and seemed to be pretty mature for her age. Though, I guess it was her upbringing that forced that upon her. She didn’t seem to be into the clubbing scene and I hadn’t heard her mention alcohol once, which was a little strange for a 20-something year old. Perhaps I’m a killjoy. Maybe it’s a good thing to go out and party every night of the week if you can. I wasn’t sure anymore.