My Heart Has Lost All Hope

Its eight, I'm packing up the merch table, and still no Ronnie. I've texted him and nothing. Jacky was helping me with the table and he had no idea where Ronnie went. I was worried.

"Have you tried the bus?" Jacky commented while packing up shirts.

"Ive been here, no I haven't, are any of the others on the bus?" I asked Jacky as he looked at a shirt like he was gonna wear it.

"I don't think so we all have to pack up everything so we can leave, and I think Ronnie could have maybe went home to grab some stuff he forgot since were here in Vegas." He replied.

"Oh I guess that would make sense" I replied, still worried as I started to go back to the bus, Jacky said He could Finnish packing the merch stand for me.

I was watching as everyone was packing the venue and only a few fans were still staggering around. buying last minute merch, and looking for any famous stragglers as well. I assume to meet their idols and maybe get a picture or a signature.

I got back to the bus, got on and all seemed quite, I checked the living room. No one was there but the TV was on, odd. I went to the bunks and saw no one sleeping in any of them. I figured since no one would be coming back for awhile I would go to the back room and get my fix.

I approached the back and heard someone rummaging around.

I open the door and there's Ronnie, with some other girl getting undressed, and a needle on the floor.

"RONNIE WHAT THE FUCK?!" I screamed as he turned to face me, shirt off, the girl in just her underwear he was starting to remove. I felt tears start in my eyes. He looked shocked and distant. did he even know where he was?

"Nessa!" Ronnie screamed as I ran off the bus and Past a confused looking Jacky who was just walking up.

Here I am again Running, I feel like I'm ALWAYS running. Why do things like this happen to me. I barely knew Ronnie, We weren't anything official I guess, But were grow adults! Its pretty obvious without having to be said we were feeling something for each other! Why would he be doing this? I know I caught him before he slept with her.. But I was still hurt. For this first time since my sisters death, I felt like wanting to rip my heart out... I never thought after such a short amount of time with someone Id be so attached like this again. Ronnie felt like so much more to me then I realized until now.

I felt my phone vibrate. I looked at the screen reluctantly. It was Jacky I answered and his soothing British accent ran through my ears.

"Nessa, Please don't go, we all love having you here, Ronnie can be an Idiot sometime I know that. I know were in Vegas and you can easily just go home. but please don't" I breathed in sharply , what should I do?

"Just give me some time Jacky" I replied I heard him sigh into the phone.

"The buses take off at Midnight Nessa... We cant miss that or we will be kicked off this tour" he said grimly.

"Ok Jacky. I promise If i'm coming back Ill be there in time." I hung up the phone and wandered around the familiar Vegas strip.

My phone was constantly going off from calls from Ryan, Ron, Derek, Jacky, but not Ronnie. I couldn't help but smile when I see where my feet had taken me. I was at the M&m factory, they close around 11. By then Ill have my decision I hope.

I wonder who that girl was, just a groupie? Maybe an old fuck buddy from Vegas? What happened to his promise? I couldn't help but have these questions racing through my head. I was silently crying while walking around all the M&M merchandise. A few people were staring at me, I was still wearing Ronnies jacket, and by now my makeup was running, and I kept combing my hair back with my hands. I was a wreak. I couldn't concentrate I wanted Ronnie, I wanted him because we filled this hole I felt starting to open again in my heart.

"Ma'am, are you ok?" A stranger asked me and held out a tissue for me.

"I suppose, thank you" I replied as the stranger nodded and continued her purchasing. I wiped away my makeup I could feel clumping and threw the tissue away

Oh Vegas... So many horrible memories. Now I get to add one more to my list. Tonight was top ten in tragedy for me. I couldn't believe Ronnie, and those needles... maybe he had no idea what he was doing. Heroine....I couldn't believe he was doing heroine. Even I stay away from that, and I used to eat 8 oxy at one time and walk around all day. Can I handle you and your problems Ronnie?

I was scare to go back to the venue, Would he be angry? High? still with her ? I looked at my phone, 50 missed calls. I dismissed them and looked at the photo of me and Ronnie. I haven't smiled like that in years, even with my bloody eye I looked the happiest I've ever been. That moment... I thought Ronnie felt something for me. I don't know about that now.

I cried harder onto the phone, I was now at the coca cola building, sitting at their bar looking over the Vegas strip, all of the hustle and bustle it had. I could remember the countless times I ran this strip, I could do it with my eyes closed. I closed my eyes, and thought of Abby, she was such an optimist, she would tell me to keep fighting for him, because he made me feel alive again. She was always a hopeless romantic. I felt a smile tug at me lips, my sister was beautiful.

I heard something being sat down in front of me on the table.I opened my eyes and all I saw was two trays Of 20 little sample cups of coca cola from around the world.

I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder. I turned around shooting daggers at him.