My Heart Has Lost All Hope

I ran through the familiar venue trying to find Dylan. I had to speak to him again, I didn't see where he ran when I got off stage, hopefully he saw me. As soon as I thought that I felt a hand on my shoulder, a familiar comfort came from it as I turned around to be face to face with my best friend.

"Dylan.." I breathed and he looked as if he was going to cry. He startled me by pulling me in for a stern hug without saying a word. He held on to me for dear life as I finally realized what was going on and hugged him back.

"I'm so sorry Vanessa" He cried as I rubbed his back.

"Its OK Dylan." I slowly let go to look at his face

He had grown up considerably, He had short brown hair sticking up in every direction, his skin was tan, he was now covered in tattoos and had gained a considerable amount of weight compared to when I last saw him. I looked into his dark chocolate colored eyes and saw the hurt he felt.

"I thought you had died Vanessa! I didn't know where you went after Abby died! No ones heard from you in years!" He started shouting at me, His face now filled with hurt and anger.

"Dylan!" I shouted back at him and he relaxed a little more.

"Why did you leave Vanessa? I lost two sisters years ago... and now I see you on stage with Falling in reverse?! Whats going on?" He questioned.

"Dylan, I couldn't handle being here anymore! Weeks and weeks went by after Abbys death, and you couldn't stand the sight of me! I knew you Loved her Dylan, and I was hurting you by staying, and it was hurting me. I left.....I left everyone behind, Abby was the only one that mattered to me and when she passed I felt like everything came crashing down and I finally had enough of the bullshit. They took her death out on me, and leaving ws theb est decision and the worst decision Ive ever made!" I yelled at him tears forming in my eyes. He looked hurt, More hurt than when abby died.

"Vanessa, I never wanted you to leave... you just reminded me so much of her... It hurt knowing I could never hold her in my arms again, yet there you were, an older version of the only person I ever loved and I could never have you. I didn't know what to do with myself, but I promise you were the only one I ever wanted to help me through it. but you left..." He trailed off looking into my eyes.

"Dylan My dad started hitting me everyday! I lived in fear of my own household, all of my friends claimed they would get me out and help me however they could. yet no one every did anything about it! So you know what? I DID SOMETHING! I got my self out of there and never looked back! You didnt even help me dylan! You were always there for me until times got to hard for you to handle! How dare you say YOU needed me when you were never there for me!" I was starting to get louder and escalate, I was shaking I was so angry, people started to stare.

"Whats going on here?!" I heard from a very angry Ronnie radke coming up behind me.

"Whats it to you?" Dylan snapped at him, Ronnie tensed up, I could see the anger seething out of his body, it radiated off him like a predator stalking its prey, he was pissed .

"Its everything to me when I come to find my girlfriend and shes screaming at a stranger!" Ronnie growled. I couldn't help but smile as he called me 'girlfriend'

"IM NOT A STRANGER" Dylan yelled wide eyed at Ronnie and stepped towards him. I shoved myself between them.

"STOP IT!" I yelled and they both eased up.

"Do you want me to have him escorted out of here Nessa?" Ronnie asked through clenched teeth.

"No Ronnie, This is Dylan." I gave Ronnie a look and I could see what was happened finally clicked for Ronnie. His eyes got wide and he wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Looke VAnessa, you abandone everyone! Including Abby, and I cant believe you how many times have you gone to her grave sicne the day we all pulled you off of it?! You never bothered to contact anyone!" Dylan continued angrier than ever. It hurt that he thought I just abandoned them all for no reason.

"Dylan you died that day, Holding Abby in the middle of the intersection, and I cant express how sorry I am that it happened because I died to that day. I loved her too! She was MY heart, My only escape from my father and everything else that was going to shit more and more each day! Where were you when he hit me so hard I threw up for days? Or when he sold MY car to pay a gambling debt? Or where were you when he couldn't afford to feed us? We helped each other through everything and you used to be there too, you abandoned me the day she died, you only worried about your feelings, no one else's. She wasn't just yours!" I shouted ending the conversation and left Dylan standing there. I loved that man, he was like my older brother, but he left me by becoming a slave to his emotions and ignoring anyone but himself. He forgot the only thing Abby wanted us to remember, the one thing she taught us. To love.

Me and Ronnie walked away from Dylan and backstage to head back to our bus. I was angry, hurt and couldn't handle being here anymore. I couldn't believe the nerve of him, trying to accuse me of being selfish, I needed to do the right thing, he needed to heal without me and My father needed a reality check, he couldn't sponge off me and still treat me like his punching bag while claiming he 'loved me' as he hit screamed and hit me over nothing every day.

"Nessa, Are you sure your ok?!" Ronnie questioned wrapping me up in his arms as we sat down in the living room area.

"Im not sure about anything Ronnie." I replied letting a few silent tears run down my face, I was expressionless. I was a stone.

"Nessa.." He nuzzled into my neck and useda begging tone, "Talk so me Nessa, Im always here for you, just like I promised" He continued and I snapped.

"Just like you promised you would meet me at six a week ago, but instead found your way to be with a whore" I snapped at him. He froze

"Your just upset Nessa, I know you've already started to forgive me even if it is just a little bit" He said looking me in the eyes, he caught me there I had started forgiving him.

"Can we go somewhere off venue for tonight?" I questioned as ronnie furrowed his brow at me.

"Anything you want baby" He smiled as he smoothly called me baby and kissed my forehead as I leaned into him.

"I want you to surprise me" I said excitedly, It was only 3 in the afternoon and We had plenty of day left.

Ronnie smiled at me, and winked.
What were you going to plan for me today Radke?

"Get dressed baby, and you better look drop dead gorgeous" He winked dramatically and went off to shower.

Drop dead gorgeous huh? I could do that...