My Heart Has Lost All Hope

Ronnie insisted he go with me to my apartment to get what little things I had left there . Basically, I had nothing to take from there but some books. I told him I'd  be fine by myself but he wouldn't take no as an answer.

"Ronnie I'm just getting some books" I insisted

"No let me go with you, your bed could be put in the guest room, it's always nice to have an extra mattress!" he smiled and grabbed my hand walking me down the Vegas boulevard. I smiled at the thought of sharing a room with him. 

"I guess your right about that, but we can't just carry it out" he laughed at my comment. 

"babe, your staying with me the next couple of days, we will just get your stuff when the truck comes for mine" he lead me past the Luxor and started to hail a cab. 

We drove down the desert to a modest sized house. It was quaint, It was white with blue shutters and a blue door. I smiled to myself. It seemed like Ronnie really took care of the place. 

"Welcome to my nightmare" he opened the door to reveal a pretty empty house besides the appliances a couch and a tv. 

"Wow your trying to get out of here fast!" I said walking down the hall across from the front door and found three other rooms. One had a bed and a few clothes folded on top, a bathroom and an empty room. 

"yea , I need everything in california before I get there so the new place isn't conpletely empty." he leaned in the door frame as I sat on his bed and he raised an eyebrow at me.

"What?" I asked as he kept staring at me.

"Why Vanessa. Your so beautiful yet your into my lifestyle, my lifestyle of addiction. I've said it before... But it's true, pretty girls like you shouldn't be involved in such things" he stared at me with sadness in his eyes. 

"You haven't figured it out yet Ronnie ? And Why are you in this situation ? I know you went to prison, it's obvious by that tattoo of yours. 2 years right ? 1 term is two years an a term equals a year drop." I walked up to him and traced the tear with my fingers. He pushed his cheek into my hand, grabbed it and kissed my palm.

"Your so smart Nessa, that's why I dont understand it. I'm stupid and got into some terrible things... I went to prison because I went to the desert , to meet The Ace, we used to be friends, partners... We used to sell together... But he set me and everyone else there up. Me and him got into a fight before the cops came when he announced we'd all be arrested and that he called them. Honestly I beat the shit out of him, o trusted him and he was fucking me over. I almost beat him to death by time he pulled out a gun and tried to kill me, but one of the other dealers grabbed it as another kid grabbed me and pulled me away from the ace, unfortunately the ace fought for the gun and accidentally sent a bullet towards me and the other kid.. He missed me, but the kid... That poor kid.  I got arrested for assault, and then they realized I violate probation so... 2 years for me" he sighed remembering the moment 

"I... I had no idea baby" I looked into his hollow stare, that stare I see when he's high, but not this time, this hollowness broke my heart. I never want you to be sad ronnie. 

"The worst part is, people think I killed that kid... I swear I didn't , but I'm one of the reasons he's dead. Vegas haunts me Nessa, the ace haunts me everyday."  He squeezed my hand and stared off towards the window. 

"I don't think you killed him Ronnie, I really don't. But why ... Has The Ace kept you alive?" I looked into his eyes and swallows my spit roughly most choking on it, I wanted to cry the thought of Ronnie dead hurt be deeply.   he turned to stare at me with a very serious look. 

"I never snitched, or Testified against him in court, I knew it would get me killed, and honesty I'm just not that big of an asshole"  he shrugged fidgiting his hands and playing with the chain on his pants. why was he so nervous? 

"Then why did he do what he did to me Ronnie ?!" I was starting to get upset. Maybe me and Ronnie don't know each other as well as we should.

"Because he knows I'm happy without helping him deal. I was one of the bests, but I refuse to do that shit again I'll buy it but I won't supply it anymore for him. Hell do anything to get me back into the game he plays. But since I've refused countless times now he just wants me to be completely miserable he know he can easily get to me . That's why I want out of Vegas, and I don't want to leave you here... It's a risk." he gave me a pleading look I felt anger boil inside me

"you only want me to go with  you because of that don't you! Not because you want us together ! " I felt tears brim my eyes

"that's crazy Nessa ! I've cared about you since you stumbled into that club and showed me there was a world outside the drugs ! I want you to come because I care about YOU as a person and my partner, you mean more to me then I ever imagined ! I want you to go not only to protect you but because I.... I love you ok!" He shouted at me... he... He what ?  

"you... You love me Ron-Ron?" I whispered looking away from him and twiddling my thumbs together.

"Honestly Nessa, I think I do... And if anything ever happened to you... I don't know what I'd do with myself! Especially if it happened because of me! I know it's crazy to think you'd ever love me but .." He mumbled nervously using wild hand motions, he was scaring himself with his own words.

I walked over to him and placed my hand on his cheek, he stopped and calmed immediately staring into my eyes. I had such a powerful effect on Ronnie, and he finally said those three words I wanted to hear... he loved me . I loved him to.

"Ronnie, listen to me, you make me feel like I mean something. Especially since I've never felt like Ive meant anything to anyone since Abby passed, even with all my flaws and habits, you make me feel like im important, and you make me feel higher than any drug has ever made me feel. I love you too Ronnie, and it's crazy that you'd think I could never love you!" His eyes glistened with happiness as he realized what I was telling him. He smiled a smile I've never seen on him before. Was this the true Ronnie ? The happy Ronnie? 

"You love me back?" He stuttered

"I do Ronnie, with all my heart." he hugged me immediately and twirled me around. 

"You've made me so happy Nessa!" he laughed putting me down and kissing me lightly.

I wrapped my hands around his neck and deepened the kiss. His to fur slid effortless into my mouth and he pushed me against the wall in the hallway and supported himself with his arms on each side of the wall near my head. I massaged his tongue with mine as he put his hand on my ass and lifted me up. I Instinctively wrapped my legs around his waste, I started kissing his neck as he walked me into the only room with a bed. 

Ronnie let out a small moan and gently laid me onto the bed and hovered over me. His hand made its way into my jeans as he inserted his fingers inside me. I moaned slightly and started to unbuckle his belt and slide his jeans off .

He removed his fingers from me and started lifting my shirt over my head then taking his off. Ronnie was just in his boxers now, looking sexier than ever as I stared at his tattoos beautifully place over his tan toned body. I bit my lip. 

"No need to bite that beautiful lip of yours sweetheart, I'm all yours" he stated sliding my jeans and my underwear off me at the same time. 

"Then what are you waiting for ?" I said raising an eyebrow at him. We were both completely naked and he smiled at me. 

He then entered me slowly I could feel his chest on mine and his hands caressing my sides as he kissed me passionately keeping his slow but deep thrusts coming steadily.

I felt myself climbing higher with every move he made. He started to move faster, harder, making me moan wildly as I nipped at his chest and moved my hips harshly with his. 

"Nessa" he moaned loudly as he moved faster, he was close. 

I smiled into his kiss as I flipped him on his back and started riding him, making him harder and moan even louder than before. He grabbed my hips and forced me onto him harder than I was forcing him into me. I threw my head back and moaned loudly.

"Oh Ronnie!" I screamed as he sat up and ran his hands up my back  keeping our rhythm he kissed my neck as we both climaxed together and came down from the high we gave each other just from each others touch. 

"I love you Nessa" Ronnie breathed in my ear as he cradled me. 

"I love you to Ronnie" I whispered as I laid my naked body next to Ronnie, resting my head on his chest. 

I fell asleep to the rise and fall of his breathing with a smile on my face.

Ronnie Radke was in love with me, I couldn't be happier