My Heart Has Lost All Hope

(Ronnie's point of view)

Beep...... Beep...... Beep...... Beep....

What is that sound? It's so annoying. I want it to stop. I started to open my eyes but immediately shut them, it was unusually bright. I breathed in deeply and felt a horrifying sharp pain in my left side, then I remembered. the warehouse, Vanessa, the smell of my skin, and the sound of sirens I was in the hospital! 

My eyes shot opened and I immedietly tried to get up, but I noticed the IV's in my arm and heard my heart monitor beat faster. The door to my room swung open and a nurse was by my side immedietly. 

"What's wrong are you ok?!" she asked hurriedly and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Where is Nessa ?! Is she ok ?!" I yelled at her with wide eyes as my monitors beeps got faster and faster. 

"Calm down Mr. Radke!" she cooed at me, but that wasn't going to work. I NEEDED Nessa 

"Tell me goddamnit!" I growled at the woman who looked taken aback from my rudeness. She was only trying to help me.

"I can't tell you anything sir, Miss Wolfe isn't family." She said sadly standing up next to my bed. 

I felt hot tears stream down my face and I closed my eyes breathing through my nose trying to calm myself.

"Look, don't tell anyone I did this ok?" the nurse said causing me to look at her. 

"You really care about this woman don't you?" the nurse asked me when she realized she had gotten my attention.

"I love her ma'am, I've been protecting her.... But that didn't work so well. She's back here again..." I trailed off looking Ito the nurses eyes.

"I'll go check on her and tell you everything I can. As long as you promise to keep it our little secret." she smiled at me and I thanked her.

She let my room as I looked around eagerly awaiting for the older woman to return with news about Nessa. I don't care if I'm dying I just want to know what was going on with Her before anything else. The door creaked back open as my new favorite nurse entered my room once more. She sat at the edge of my bed. 

"Don't be upset darling, But Vanessa isn't in very good shape, she lost a lot of blood before she came in and they had to perform immediate surgery to remove the knife- it cut her femoral artery, she made it through the surgery but she's still in critical condition. She's lost so much blood and her core temperature is very low. She's unconscious. " she said sadly to me and held my left hand, my right hand was in a cast, i had broke it on the aces face. I squeezed her hand back and started to cry.

"shhhh, don't cry. If it wasn't for Her you would be dead sweetheart, She cauterized your bullet wound with a lighter before the ambulances arrived, because of her your alive and instead of both of you being unconscious your alright. They found her laying next to you holding your hand out cold." I sobbed even harder realizing that the thud I heard before I blacked out was Nessa fainting from blood loss. 

"I just want her to be ok, I love that girl with all my heart!" I pleaded with myself more than the kind nurse.

"I'll update you every hour ! But right now you have guests practically killing our staff trying to get up here . Should I send them in ?" she questioned I solemnly nodded my head as she exited my room once more.

Ryan ran Into the room seconds after she exited and was right by my side. 

"OH MY GOD DUDE WHAT HAPPENED?!" He said faster as the rest of the guys entered my room and were by my side.

I started to explain everything , the guys listened with shocked expressions and they all had the same question I did when I woke up. will Nessa be ok 

"it doesn't sound like shell be ok" Derek said glumly and sat down in the chair next to my bed.

"I got her into this again... I'm so fucking stupid" I stated and Ryan stood up.

"no it was that fuckers fault for not knowing when to leave you the fuck alone !" Ryan seethed referring to the ace 

"What happened to him?" I questioned 

"they put him in prison, their was enough drugs at that warehouse to put him away for life, not to mention kidnapping and holding a citizen against their will- he won't be around to bother you anymore I'm sure I mean he also broke into you house and basically tortured you and Nessa " Jacky pipped in. 

"That's a relief..." I looked to my heart monitor and it started beeping rapidly again as I felt the pain in my side  and remembered the smell of my flesh.

"what's wrong Ronnie?!" Ron asked immediately hearing my monitor 

"I'm just worried about Vanessa... I love her man" I said sadly all the guys eyes got wide except for Derek's. 

"you told her to didn't you?" Derek questioned raising an eyebrow 

"yea, I did." I smiled. She loved me to.

"I knew you would, I can't believe she saved your life so effortlessly. She was quick on her feet, she must really care about you too" Derek stated.

"She's amazing, I can't believe she didn't hesitate to remove the bullet and cauterize me with a lighter" I said in shock as the realization hit me. She had no fear when it came to me. She protected me this time. Beautiful Nessa...

We all stopped talking when there was a knock at the door. The nurse came in and walked over to me. wow it's been an hour already She whispered in my ear. 

"She just woke up, she's been asking for you" I smiled as she walked out of the room and brought back in a wheel chair.

"let's go" she smiled at me and asked the guys to help her get me in the wheel chair. They all had confused looks. 

"Nessa woke up guys" I gleamed as they all quickly got me into the wheelchair . It was painful, but Nessa needed me.

The nurse wheeled me down the brightly lit halls and the guys followed closely behind us, we entered the ICU and my heart sank a bit. We entered a room and Nessa was laying there with a mask over her face and a long tube went from the mask coming out of a machine to help her breathe. She had IV's coming out of her and her leg and collar bone were wrapped in gauze. 

"Oh my god Nessa" I gasped the boys followed suite. She turned her head and smiled closing her eyes and reaching her hand out towards me slightly.

I wheeled over to her at lightning speed. I grappled her had and she tried to squeeze me back, but she was very weak.

"Ronniekins" she said horsely in a whisper

"I'm here Vanessa, I love you so much! I'm so sorry I couldn't save you in time" she closed her eyes as a tear ran down her cheek. 

"It's not your fault Ronnie. I'm just happy I got to you in time" she smiled at me and turned her head slowly to look at the guys, they were all by her side. 

"I love you all" she said and closed her eyes again. I felt another tear slide down my face, I looked at the guys, they were all on the verge of tears as well.

"Your going to be ok Nessa-" I started and the guys all Finished for me in unison 

"we all love you" the group said at once. She smiled and drifted off to sleep.

"let's get you back to your room Mr. Radke" the nurse said noticing Vanessa had fallen back into her slumber. 

"will she be ok?" I asked hurriedly after I was back in my room in the cold hospital bed. 

"She will be fine, she's responding well to her treatment, we just need to keep giving her blood. " I let out a sigh of relief as the guys all thanked the nurse as she left warning them that visiting times were almost over. 

"We will see you tomorrow buddy, the doctor said you could leave in a couple days. You fractured you right hand, and I'm sure you remember getting shot, but they want to watch the swelling in your brain from the bat you took to the head" Ryan stated as the guys all left one by one. 

"thanks bro, I'm just glad to be alive" I sighed and Ryan lingered.

"She's going to be ok Ronnie. That girls a fighter" he commented making me feel more at ease as he waved to me leaving me alone in the cold hospital room. 

My thoughts were filled with Vanessa, I needed to be by her side. She was in pain,  I could see it in her eyes. I noticed the nurse left the wheelchair in my room, I got myself out of the bed making sure my bullet wound wasn't bleeding and my IV's were still intact. 

I wheeled down the halls remembering where Vanessa's room had been. I luckily made it to her room without being noticed and opened the door. She was sleeping peacefully, I went to her side and held her hand. Her heart monitor beeped a little more rapidly as ran my thumb over her hand. 

I fell asleep holding her hand listening to her monitor beep and her ventilator help her breath.