My Heart Has Lost All Hope

(Ronnie's point of view)

"thank you ma'am" the flight attendant said taking Nessa's boarding pass. she was looking at me like she had a chance 

"Thank you sir, I like your tattoos, and taking care of her is admirable of you" she commented to me taking my boarding pass what a fucking cunt 

"Ok one, your a bitch, and two, I should have you fucking fired for speaking down to my girlfriend like that. It's funny that you even thought you'd have any sort of chance with me." I scoffed at her as she backed away and I kissed Nessa on the cheek. She had a look of anger I've never seen in her before. 

"Is it not enough that you have to wheel me around everywhere until I start physical therapy but EVERYONE, has to assume I'm just some huge burden on you !?" she seethen through clenched teeth. This was all my fault.

"Fuck her Vanessa, Ryan already went and to a manager and set Her straight." Jacky said walking next to us as we waited for the other guys at the terminal. 

"I just already felt so helpless and like I can't contribute anything to any of you for what you've done, especially now that I'm in this chair for awhile.... I just hate being a burden" she looked like she was on the verge of tears and it broke my heart in two. I just want to make you smile Nessa, I'll make make everything better I promise

"Your not a burden on anyone Nessa! I love you, and I WANT to take care of you, especially since I got you into this situation... And the guys love you too, none of then would ever think you were a burden Nessa. so please stop being so sad... I just want to make you smile" Ad she did smile at my words and grab my hand. We were all about to board out plane. 

I wheeled Nessa in first, we had to sit in the front because of her wheel chair. Jacky helped me move her into her airplane seat. I took my place next to her at the window seat with my busted hand in a small cast I rested it on the arm rest. 

Nessa held my other hand in hers, she was squeezing so hard I thought she was on pain. 

"Baby what's wrong ?" I whispered to her and leaned close to her face so she could reply.

"I've always been completely horrified of flying.... I apologize in advance if I cry during take off" she whispered her voice cracking.

"Don't be scared baby I'm right here. Just squeeze my hand and if you get too scared just talk to me." she gave me a wary smile and I ran my thumb over her hand. 

We say in silence until the captain started announcing we would be taking off soon. Nessa squeezed my hand hard and closed her eyes with her head back on the headrest. She fidgeted clearly having a mini heart attack. I released her hand and her eyes shot open and she took a deep breath. I put my hand to her cheek and kissed her lightly. Then leaned her on my shoulder and stroked her hair as the plane took off. She fell asleep shortly after take off on my shoulder.

I let my mind wonder, I was dying for a fix... The only reason I haven't felt any withdrawals is because the doctor gave me some grade A pain killers. I assume that's why Nessa was doing ok. I was trying to keep my mind off the drugs, nothing good has come from those drugs. Except for Nessa... I shook the ridiculous thought from my head. Maybe it was time we both got clean? I never want to see Nessa in such a horrible position again, especially because of my drug use.  I was starting to get a headache. I winced at the throbbing pain as I felt a hand in my shoulder behind me. 

"Hey man is she doing ok?" Ron asked me with concern. I looked over at Nessa and she was a little tenses up in her sleep. 

"yea she fell asleep after take off, I think she's just in a little pain." I whispered and frowned at the thought of what she was feeling. Her leg was black and blue all around her gauges. 

"I can't believe that flight attendant" Ron whispered to me. 

"Me either, She was scum. " I replied as he patted my shoulder and laid back into his seat. 

I stroked Nessa's hair some more an leaned my head on hers and fell asleep for the rest of the flight just like her.

"Hey guys, were landing" Derek said shaking me awake. I looked down at Nessa who was starting to awake. 

"Baby, were about to land, do you feel ok? do you need anything before we have to fasten our seat-belts?" I questioned kissing her forehead, she got noticeably tense at the mention of 'landing' 

"No I'm fine, just hold my hand, I'm kind of freaking out" she breathed out heavily and squeezed my hand again. 

"Your safe Nessa, I'll always keep you safe" I whispered to her as she nodded and smiled in response. 

Landing went smoothly and we were all waiting for our bags in the airport. After we all grab what little things we had we made our way to the busy California streets and hailed a couple of cabs. 

Nessa was looking at everything in awe as we were drove to our new house. I'm sure she was going to love it.

"Wow California is different" she stated looking at some wildly dressed men and women on the boardwalk near the beach. 

"Welcome to California baby" I beamed and she laughed at me and scooted closer to me. 

"I'm so excited" she grinned as we neared our destination,

"For what baby?" I raised an eyebrow, excited to know her answer. 

"For us, Ronnie, having our own place, of we made a tour bus an amazing experience, imagine living in a place with space together" she laughed thinking about the tour. I joined her.

"look baby, that's our new house" I smiled and pointed.

She gasped and raised her hand to cover her open mouth. 

Im glad she likes it