My Heart Has Lost All Hope

(Vanessas point of view)

It was a moderate sized white house with black shutters and a black door, two stories high. I was in shock and awe, I thought we would be living in an apartment. Not a house. Especially not a house with a huge front lawn and I've yet to see the backyard. It was breathtaking and so Ronnie

"A- Are you serious?" I stuttered with my hands over my mouth.

"Completely serious, There's no way I was going to live in an apartment again, After prison I cant stand small spaces if I can avoid them" He laughed kissing my cheek and getting out of the car. I waited for him to pick me up and put me into my wheelchair.

"Thank you baby" I said kissing his nose as he wheeled me into the house, It wasnt like a mansion or anything but it was quaint and bigger then we would ever need. He watched me react as he wheeled me around the house.

"The best parts out back" He whispered into my ear and started wheeling me through the huge kitchen through big sliding glass doors. There was a pool out back. It was considerable in size, I was stoked upon seeing it.

"Oh my god! seriously? I wanna go swimming like right now!" He laughed at me and kissed my forehead.

"Well Unfortunetly my cast and your injury wont allow that for a couple months.

"Dammit" I pouted and he continued to laugh at me.

"Well Im gonna call the guys so they can take us out while the movers get everything set up for us since were handicapped" He joked and I laughed as he exited the room, I couldn't even wheel myself around, My collar bone stab wound caused movement to be at a minimum.

I Had been thinking lately that Surgical Tech was the biggest mistake I had ever made in my life... But everything i learned from that experience helped save Ronnie's life, and I loved that I made that mistake in my life. it helped my Future.

"What are you thinking about beautiful" Ronnie cooed pulling up a chair next to me and joining me looking at the pool and the view of our backyard.

"Thinking about how The biggest mistake of my life, saved the best mistake of my life" He gave me a puzzling look.

"What do you mean Nessa?" He said with concern in his throat.

"I mean that, I regret every second of being a surgical tech, sure I saved lives but those people never appreciated, they were paying us, then I got into the drugs, I always felt conflicted in the field.... but when I saw you get shot I remembered everything I tried to forget, I knew I had the get the bullet out and cauterize you before you bled out. My own wounds didn't make me remember, just yours. I....I didn't want to lose you Ronnie, your life mattered more to me than mine" I said shyly hiding my face, but he grabbed my chin before I could hide.

"I hate it when you hide from me, Your beautiful and can tell me anything, I will never judge you baby." He kissed my nose and I smiled as he continued to speak.

"I thought about nothing but your safety that night, and I felt useless that I couldn't prevent it or get to you sooner, I just want you to know that I love you more than anything, even more then the drugs... I...I want to try and get sober with you Nessa, That night made me take a hard look at my life and why I went back to my old ways. You make me want to be a better person, you and me are better than our habits, especially when were together." He had a look of determination in his eyes.

"Its gonna be hard Ronnie... I've never quit like you had to, I've never gone through it." I said solemnly as he cupped my face in his hands. and kissed me passionetly.

"We can do it together...It will be rough, there's mood swings, tantrums, and trying to go get that one last fix...but we will have each other" I smiled he was so determined to make this happen, and i was willing to try.

"Lets do it Ronnie, we can do anything together" His smile grew a thousand times wider and he grabbed my face and started making out with me, gently but deeply and he didnt want to let go, even when we heard Ryan clear his throat.

"Ok love birds, that's enough of that" Ryan said awkwardly as we parted ways and let our stares linger into each-others eyes for a moment.

"Well I dontk now what were gonna do, Im pretty much a useless body." I stated which made all the guys faces fall into sadness.

"Nessa...Were so sorry" Derek said seriously. hes never serious he really cares a lot about me.

"look its not any of yours fault! It was a crazy situation, besides when I start therapy tomorrow I should be getting better steadily." I sighed even I hated this immobility. I could only reach but so far, I wasn't strong enough to push myself, and I certainly couldn't walk.

"Well we were thinking we could go see a movie? and then maybe get ice cream? then we'll all come back here to crash and help you guys put up all the nick nacky stuff the movers wont touch" Ron said excitedly.

"That sound like fun guys" I smiled and Ronnie got up and started to wheel me around and out the door with the guys following close behind.

"What are we going to see?" I questioned genuinely wanting an answer.

"AVENGERS!" Jacky said immediately causing everyone to laugh at his outburst.

"YES! I love iron man and thor, them being in the same movie is just amazing! and sexy" Ronnie snorted at my affection for Chris helmsworth and Robert Downey Jr.

"Im sexier than both of them!" Ronnie gawked.

"You are baby" I said smiling but rolling my eyes when he walked away so the boys could see.

"I know you rolled you eyes" Ronnie pouted when we got into the taxi van that would be driving us around tonight.

"Oh hush Ronnie, they are too clean cut, I need my man to have some edge" I said giving him a piercing stare and licking my lips.

"Dont do that, you know were both pretty useless in bed right now" He said laughing at me trying to be seductive.

"I know it fucking blows" I said very seriously causeing him to laugh.

"Horny are we Nessa?" He said running his hand up my un injured thigh.

"Yes, Roniekins, I am, and I would appreciate it if you kept your hands to yourself" I said loudly fro everyone to hear.

"OH DENIED!" Ryan yelled loudly making Ronnie hit him.

"Thats so not fair, we cant hit a cripple! but he can hit us?" Ryan commented as Ronnie gave him a playful smile

The car ride went on with many jokes until we made it to the movie theater, I was stoked to see the movie, i was just tired of being a burden and getting strange looks, I swear people look at me and Ronnie because of our hairstyles and tattoos, like were the ones who did this to each other. Fuck all these people who are staring. I felt my phone vibrate as we were buying out tickets, it ripped me out of my thoughts, I took it out and there was a text from Austin and a text from Kellin.

- Oh my god Vanessa, what happened to you and Ronnie?!
From: Kellin :D

Attached to kellin's text was a pictures of me and Ronnie in ambulances, in a tabloid magazine with a headline "Ronnie and his love may take each other to the grave" I felt my face go hot with anger. I replied to Kellin, it wasnt his fault.

-Don't believe that tabloid bullshit we didn't do that to each other! We were fucking kidnapped and assaulted. Ill explain more later right now I need to deal with this fucking headline.
To: Kellin :D

He replied instantly

-I don't believe the Tabloids sweetheart, I just wanted to make sure you were both OK, The picture of you scares me most, especially the one of you unconscious.... I texted Ronnie as well about the tabloid. Keep me updated
From: Kellin :D

I smiled Kellin was a great friend to us. Now for Austins Text.
Ronnie looked up to me from his phone, The same anger in his face that I was feeling. I looked back to my phone.

- Whose fucking ass do I need to kill for what they did to you?
From: Austin C.

- Hes in prison now, and I'm fine, I may have been worse off than Ronnie but were fine now.
To: Austin C.

-I better be updated regularly Ive been reading about you two all week on then news, and in gossip magazines, they thought you were DEAD! I was worrying out of my mind about you two! I love you guys, glad your safe, but I want to fucking kill someone
From: Austin C.

I laughed at Austins texts, he may be more pissed off than Ronnie. But when i looked up and saw Ronnie talking to the guys, I knew that wasn't true, Tabloids were accusing Ronnie of beating me up. It was despicable.

"Ronnie, calm down....We will settle it all later" I said soothingly rubbing his back from where I sat.

"No fuck that, I would never hurt you like this!" He seethed through gritted teeth.

He started Ferverently tweeting about how much he loved me and how disgusting tabloids were, He got a lot of 'Awws' tweets and some hate ones, most of them had me tagged in them asking about the real story. So I actually used my twitter for once to set things straight.

-Ronnie is nothing but a perfect amazing caring and man towards me, fuck all of you who don't believe so and fuck the media trying to turn tragedy into drama.

I sent my tweet and Ronnie smiled. He took a picture of us infront of an Avengers light up sign in the movie theater of us kissing, he posted it with the caption.

-I love her more then I love anything, I would never hurt this beautiful creature. Fuck everyone who doubts us-

The guys all smiled and took pictures with us as well and defended us.

It felt good to be loved.