My Heart Has Lost All Hope

"Mrs. Wolfe? Can you do this with your leg on your own after I demonstrate?" My physical therapist gladice asked me kindly. She was Bending my knee to my chest slowly as I laid on my back, I cringed slightly as she slowly advanced the stretch.

"Ill try" I said shakily from the pain, I knew I had to fight through it, therapy is never easy, but if Id ever want to be back to normal I had to do what I could.

I bent my knee easier then I have been able to lately, with very little pain, then i tried to bring my bent knee to my chest, I felt tears coming from my eyes as the pain intensified. Gladice told me to stop but I kept trying.

"hunny if it hurts please stop" She said worriedly as I released my leg from my hands and yelled out in anger, with tears in my eyes.

"Why is this so fucking hard?!" I mumbled crying.

"It gets easier, I promise" She said and awkwardly and rubbed my back as I continued to cry.

"more, I want to do more exercises" I demanded through my tears. She nodded and continued with our session.

I cried the entire time from the pain, but it did start to hurt less the more I tried. I was going to do this even when I wasn't in therapy, I wanted to be better, i wanted to walk on my own. I needed to walk on my own. I was sat outside now, I didn't want to wait inside for Ronnie to get here. I wanted the fresh air, I felt my hot tears drip down my frozen feeling face. I was still sore from the withdrawals and my leg twitched with pain from our exersizes, but I was getting sick less and feeling better every single day without the drugs. I could do this. Ronnie seemed to be completely back to normal, He handled quitting better then I did, by a long shot. I still craved cocaine every hour, He maybe craved heroine once a day.

"Baby? Why are you outside, and why are you crying beautiful?!" Ronnie said jogging quickly over to me his chains jingled as he neared me. I rubbed my nose on the back of my hand and wiped my tears on my sleeves as he grabbed at my wrists.

"It just hurts so much Ronnie, and I feel like im not making an improvement. Im working so hard" I sniffled as he smiled at my kissing my cheeks. Even when I looked a blubbering mess with my puffy red eyes and raw snot ridden nose. He loved me. He kissed me. He called me beautiful.

"I wish I could make it easier for you baby" He whispered in my ear as I hugged his neck.

"You do Ronnie" I whispered back, he kissed my neck in response then grabbed my crutches and snaked one arm around me helping me hop to the car where Jacky and Derek were sat in the back seat grinning at me.

"Hey guys, i've missed you both so much!" I said happily, we hadn't seen any of them in about a week or two now. We were so busy with my therapy and getting over our addictions. They understood though, and checked in on us every now and then. Even Austin and Kellin texted us now and then, concerned that we haven't talked to them.

"Hey Vanessa" Derek beamed excitedly, Jacky hugged me through the seat without saying a word. He could tell I had been crying.

"Hey Jacky" I said soothingly rubbing his arm.

"fine ignore me then Vanessa! You know i love you most!" Derek gasped as Ronnie laughed at him then grunted.

"I love you to Derek don't get your G-string caught in your pussy" I joked as he laughed so hard he couldn't breath, along with Jacky and Ronnie.

"Wow she discovered your secretly so quickly Derek!" Jacky said between breaths.

"Oh wow baby doll, that was epic" Ronnie said grabbing my hand and squeezing it keeping his eyes on the road.

"So what are we doing today boys?" I questioned, hoping we weren't just going home. I was kind of tired of being at home, I was feeling like I was trapped.

"Funny you should ask" Ronnie sang happily to me, I suddenly felt a little nervous.

"Why?" I asked slowly and the boys all told me to hush.

"Its a surprise Nessa!" Derek said seriously.

"Well I figured that out already!" I said laughing at his facial expression. he was such a goofball.

We listened to the radio as the boys chatted around me. I smiled at their jokes and started feeling better now that they were all around me for support. We pulled into a building I didn't recognize and Ronnie smiled wide as he helped me out of the SUV.

"So where are we ?" I raised my eyebrows as Ronnie placed his fingers to his lips and made a "shhhhh" noise.

He wheeled me into the building and I heard a lot of barking, I smiled huge realizing where we were.

"Really Ronnie ?!" I said excitedly as we walked past countless breeds of dogs in glass windows we could see through,

"Any dog you want babe, it's yours" I smiled brightly and immediately looked for my favorite breed .

Pitbulls. I saw a beautiful little brown one with a white mouth and belly, I pointed eagerly at it as the woman who worked there gently picked it up and placed it in my lap. It confidently licked my face, and gave me its huge puppy dog eyes.

"I want this one" I picked it up and looked to see which gender it was.

"And I want to name him Charlie" Ronnie laughed and picked up our new puppy.

"Hey Charlie" he smiled as the puppy licked his face. I laughed as Ronnie happily purchased Charlie.

We were taking another step in our relationship. We got a pet, as silly as it seems the gesture made me less worried for our future, and proved how serious Ronnie really is about us. I couldn't have smiled an more as I played with Charlie in my lap the whole ride home.