My Heart Has Lost All Hope

"look, shes waking up" I heard a familiar voice, they sounded far away.... very far away.

I couldn't open my one eye and my other was blinded by the bright white lights, I had trouble adjusting to the sight, I groaned and moved my hand to block the light and felt a tug from my arm, I looked down to see Iv's coming out of me. It made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't stand the sight of it.

"Ma'am, be careful!" I head a woman say to me still confused to who all was in this room with me.

I was finally adjusted and I looked up to see, Ryan? and Jacky? those were their names right? I met them tonight, or was it LAST night by now? What were they doing here? Were they the ones that picked me up last night?

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked as they were looking at me intently. Their gazes flickered to the corner of the room, before I could look there was a nurse in my face, blocking my sight.

"Can you remember your name?" she asked me. really?

"yes, My names Vanessa and I remember everything, Those two men are names Ryan and Jacky." I pointed, I saw Jacky smile as i did so. I was less than amused.

"We have police coming to take a statement from you later on today darling. If your up to it" The nurse said to me, I nodded at her, wanting her out of my face so I could know what happened after I blacked out with the taste of blood still in my mouth.

Then nurse left them room leaving me with the boys who I barely knew, how were they even allowed to be in here with me?

"Vanessa, were so sorry" Ryan said to me as I gave him a puzzled look.

"you guys are not the ones who should be sorry" I said with a vicious dripping tone. Jacky put his arm to the back of his head scratching his hair.

"Vanessa, what happened?" I heard from the corner of the room where I couldn't see. I turned my head to see a very messy haired, baggy eyed Ronnie Radke walk into my line of sight. I shot him daggers and flipped him off. I didn't want to explain anything to him. This was all his fault. Jacky and Ryan slipped out of the room When they noticed me shooting daggers at Ronnie.

"Don't be like that Vanessa..." He pleaded coming towards me slowly placing his hand on my thigh. I jumped at his touch, not out of fear but out of the sparks I got from him. He moved his hand scared to touch me again.

"I have nothing to say to you Ronnie, your the reason I'm in here, and I know you want nothing to do with me, your only here because you happened to be in the right place at the right time" I said scornfully. His eyes got wide and he looked hurt, He looked like my words hurt him more than anythings ever hurt him. I am so confused by this man.

"Vanessa I am so sorry, I shouldn't have let you leave last night, and I shouldn't have treated you that way.... and as for this situation. I don't know how to make up for this." He said, looking over to the desk where my clothes and "belongings" were sat, the card on top. I forgot about the card...

"I was just another one night stand to you Ronnie, I understand that I'm OK with that, but you can't deny there was something strange in that bedroom with us last night. It was more than you and me. I know you felt it to." He looked down at my hand looking at the tattoo on my wrist my black and red roses circling around my entire wrist and coming up onto part of my hand, I saw a smile tug at his lips.

"I didn't notice this last night... I didn't notice YOU for YOU Vanessa, and I'm sorry for that." He said avoiding my statement. I wanted answers I wanted to know why his emotions scare him so much. I have a feeling why, most drug addicts are running from something, running from their feelings, their mistakes. What were you running from Ronnie?

"Ronnie, I don't know YOU for you either..." I said grabbing his hand in mine, he ran his thumb across my hand over and over to reassure me. I couldn't help but stare and my eyes wander around his every tattoo.

"I know we barely know each other Vanessa, but your right, I got you into this situation, I didn't mean to drag you into anything. I'm sorry I used you as just another groupie, I would be lying if I told you I was going to see you again no matter the outcome of yesterday. But after last night.." He said apologetically gripping my hand tighter looking out the hospital window his beautiful eyes shimmering as the sunlight hit them.

"After last night I realized I couldn't just let you go like you were another whore throwing herself at me, you were right. Something was there, and it scared me to death. I don't date girls, I don't associate with them other than the games and one night stands.. but when you gave me the cold shoulder and walked out last night, I had to come after you, we were looking for you Vanessa, and I'm sorry we didn't get there in time to stop this." He had a tone in his voice I couldn't understand, he sounded like he was fighting to tell me anything, like he isn't used to telling the truth when it came to women, he was fighting with himself to talk to me.

"I wont lie to you Ronnie, It hurts to know you wanted to just use me and toss me aside after our hook up, and I don't know why, I don't know you, and when I try to talk to you, you talk me in circles or avoid it all together". I could feel tears in my eyes, why do i care to have this mans affection? why do I want this STRANGER in my life so badly?

"Well, I promise I'm going to make this up to you and seeing that card again... I can't just leave you in Vegas by yourself, you aren't safe. This was a message to me, and I heard it loud and clear I got an innocent person hurt, I got YOU hurt and you deserved none of it, that should have been my beating." He said to me not looking me in the eyes, he was studying my face, my wounds.

"Ronnie, I don't know you... what could you possibly do for me? Your going to force your life into mine?" He sighed and looked me dead in the eyes.

"I know we aren't anything Vanessa, we aren't friends, we aren't lovers, we are barely aquaintences, we were a random fuck, and I know nothing about you, but I cant leave Vegas knowing I got someone hurt because of my past that they have nothing to do with. I'm not promising we will be anything, but I want you to come with me so I can protect you. I owe you that much" His words harsh, but true, I had nothing left for me here in Vegas... and to be honest, I WAS scared what could happen to me if I stuck around. I started to cry a little, why was I so emotional?

"...And to be honest with you, I want to get to know you Vanessa, I've never met a girl who was so like me." He smiled at me and used his thumbs to wipe away my tears. I liked the feel of his touch,and I liked his honesty. Maybe I was finding comfort finally knowing another person was addicted and messed up as me.

"Ronnie, I want to know whats happening before I agree to anything, I want that card explained to me and I want to know more about you" He frowned and grabbed the card and placed it in my hand.

I raised it to my face and there was the ace of hearts with a devils face in the heart symbol intimidatingly staring at me, everyone in Vegas knew this card, this was the calling card of death, of the biggest drug lords known to Vegas.

"Ronnie... what the fu-" He cut me off.

"I'm taking care of it as we speak, but I don't know if it will all blow over so quickly, please come with me?" He whimpered as he reached for my hand once more.

I took his hand.

"I trust you." I said to him, he smiled back at me as my room door opened and an officer appeared.

"May I have a word with the victim?" He said.

Ronnie let go of my hand and left the room.
Could what I say right now get Ronnie in trouble?