Incomplete

They stood at the blazing hot Florida sun, hearing the surf crash into the sand at the nearby beach. Normally, the sound calmed him down, but today, he barely heard it.

“Taken too young, too tragically, Maria Conners will always remain in everyone’s lives.” The preacher finished up his sermon. Nickolas Carter glanced to his right, where his younger brother Aaron was standing with tears trailing down his cheeks. Nick reached over and wrapped his arm around the younger man, who let his head fall onto his older brother’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron whispered after a minute, sniffling as he straightened up.

“All that crap Dad told us about men not crying, fuck it today.” Nick whispered back, allowing a couple tears to escape from the corner of his own eye.

“It’s just, why her? Ria never hurt anyone or anything.” Aaron mumbled, watching as the people started heading toward their cars. To them, it was just another person gone from this world. To the Carter family, however, she was another sibling. Maybe not biologically, but she was their sister in every other sense of the word.

Maria and Nick met when they were just six years old. After the tragic death of her parents, Maria was given to her grandparents. However, they were living in a retirement community that wouldn’t allow children in the houses, not even after what Maria had suffered just the year before.

When Maria and her grandparents showed up to the retirement community Nick’s parents ran at the time, Jane and Robert Carter could not turn them away. The following day was when Nick first met the shy little girl. She was sitting on the steps to the offices when he walked out to play. He saw she was crying, so he stopped and talked to her.

That was the first day of their near two decade long friendship. After that conversation, where Maria told Nick everything that had happened, they were inseparable. When Nick joined the group the Backstreet Boys, Maria gave up her childhood told help him follow his dreams, and even helped Aaron when he started in the music business.

Nick was snapped from his thoughts when four guys walked up to him. The oldest, Kevin Richardson, reached him first, and drew him into a tight hug. Nick didn’t push back, he just embraced the comfort he felt in the hug, allowing more tears to trail down his face as he sniffled.

When he and Kevin finally pulled away, he automatically stared toward the ground, not wanting them to see him so emotionally torn.

“Nick, I lost my sister remember? I know how you’re feeling,” Howie said, clapping his hand on Nick’s shoulder.

“I’m not meaning to sound insensitive if I am, but you knew it was coming Howie. You didn’t know when, but you knew it would happen for her eventually. I talked to Ria two hours before Aaron called me. We were planning her return guys.”

“We know, it sucks, but you can’t let this control your life.” Alex spoke up. “Believe me when I tell you this Nicky.”

“I’m not Alex, it just hurts.” Nick took a minute to catch his breath, staring at the tan, polished box waiting to be lowered into the ground. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, turning back to the guys.

“For what?” Brian asked, confusion in his eyes.

“I’m not thinking straight right now. I just, I need a minute.” Nick took off across the lawn, away from everyone and even the cars.

“Where’s he going?” Angel Carter asked as she watched her brother leave.

“This is tearing him apart Angel,” Alex sighed, shaking his head darkly as he looked toward the others. “We can’t leave him alone when we go back on tour.”

“We’ll take turns bunking with him,” Kevin shrugged.

“We? You coming back?” Brian asked his cousin with a smile.

“After this, hell yeah.” Kevin replied.

“Sucks it took this happening to bring you back, but I’m glad you’re coming back either way,” Alex said, watching as Nick sank into the grass with his head buried in his knees. Even from the distance, they could all see his shoulders quivering.

“You guys do realize this was more than just his best friend dying right?” Aaron asked as he walked up beside his twin sister.

“Yeah, we know.” Howie sighed, looking at the two younger Carters. “Are you two holding up okay? I know she meant a lot to you two as well.”

“I’m fine,” Aaron said automatically, though he really wasn’t.

“Bullshit Aaron, you’re the one who pretty much found her. You’re not fine.” Angel said, looking around at her twin.

“Fine, I’m not, but neither is Nick, and he needs us right now. He’s worse than I am. She might have been a sister to us Angel, but think of what she was to him.”

“Why did this have to happen anyway?” Angel asked, her voice cracking slightly. “Why her?”

“Only the police can tell us that,” Kevin answered her.

“I’m not putting all my faith in them. Most of those assholes are as incompetent as a horse with a broken leg,” Brian muttered as they heard someone approaching. Nick wrapping his arms around his sister’s shoulders, having heard her question.

“We may never know Angel, so don’t think like that.” He whispered in her ear.

“Nick,” Howie spoke up suddenly. “Bro, if you want to take some time off…”

“I’m fine,” Nick cut him off, shaking his head. “I can’t sit around, I need to stay busy.”

“Okay, but like Howie was saying, if you ever need to take some time off, just let us know then get your ass out of there.” Alex finished Howie’s statement. Nick nodded and let his head hang again before looking back up.

“Are you going to let the fans know?” Aaron asked his older brother.

“Not right yet,” Nick answered him. “I’ll be fine guys, I guess I just have to get over the shock still.” Kevin watched Nick, knowing something was going to happen, he just didn’t know what.

~3 Months Later~

“I need help!” Kevin heard through his door. Kevin quickly opened his door to see Howie rushing down the hallway, Nick a few feet in front of him. Cursing, Kevin grabbed his room key and ran down the hallway after them. He caught up with them in the lobby, where Nick was sitting in a chair with Howie kneeling in front of him.

“What’s going on?” Kevin asked as he walked up to them.

“I couldn’t breathe in the room,” Nick answered, covering his face with his hands.

“I walk into the bedroom area from the bathroom and he’s sitting on the bed wheezing.” Howie added.

“I just needed air,” Nick tried to assure them both.

“Nick, it’s been three months and you haven’t mentioned her once,” Kevin finally snapped. “I know what you’re doing. You’re hiding and suppressing your grief. It’s not good for you Nick. You’re gonna make yourself extremely sick.”

“I can’t talk about her Kev. I can’t.” Nick whispered. “At least, not right now. I still need time.”

“We’re giving you time Nick, but if this keeps up, we have to act on it, you know we do.” Howie said gently.

“I know,” Nick nodded. Kevin glanced at Howie before turning around and heading back up to his room.

Later that day, Nick was sitting in an interview like any other one.

“Nick, you’re awfully quiet over there.” The woman asking the question said. Nick didn’t reply, he just glanced to the side of the room out of habit. When he saw the corner he knew Maria would have been standing, watching the interview with pride shining in her eyes, he knew he wouldn’t last. He quickly stood up and rushed out of the room.

“You all have to excuse Nick right now. There was a family tragedy a few months back and it’s really taking it’s toll on him right now,” AJ announced, glancing at the others.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the reporter sighed. “I think we’re done here, so thank you, and good luck to all of you.” As soon as it was just the guys, Nick came back into the room with blotchy, red eyes.

“You guys remember your offer at the funeral?” Nick asked. “About taking time off to get myself better? I think I’m going to take it, but I don’t think I’ll be coming back.”

“Meaning…” Brian urged him.

“I’m out of the band….indefinitely.” Nick finished.

“It won’t be forever,” AJ shrugged his shoulders. “And, when you’re ready to come back, you’re welcome to.”

“That’s just it AJ, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to come back. I just, I don’t have the heart for it anymore. When…” His voice trailed off, so he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “When we lost Maria, it’s like I lost my passion for a lot of things, including music.”

“It’s the grief taking over,” Howie said. “But we get it. Take your time, heal yourself, and just, take care of yourself.” Nick nodded and accepted a round of hugs before heading to his hotel room. After he packed and got to the airport, he bought his plane ticket. However, he wasn’t heading home to Florida, he was heading somewhere else.

~***~

“Nick checked himself into rehab,” Kevin announced to the band a week after Nick announced he was leaving the band.

“Rehab?” Brian asked. “He started using again?”

“I called Aaron to ask about him, and he said that Nick was feeling the urges, so he wanted to fight them before they got too bad,” Kevin sighed, sitting next to his cousin.

“He’ll be fine guys,” Alex spoke up from a corner of the room. “He knows what will happen if he starts back up.”

“I know, but his grief is strong enough to where he won’t care.” Howie pointed out, taking a sip out of the cup in his hand.

“All we can do is be there for him when he’s ready for us to be there,” Kevin muttered.

~Three Years Later~

“We’re here with Howie, Brian, Kevin, and AJ of the Backstreet Boys. Guys, Nick left the group three years ago, how has he been?” the reporter asked the guys.

“We don’t really know, we kind of lost contact with Nick. It just sort of happened since he was distancing himself from everybody.” AJ replied, picking at the black polish on his fingernails.

“We kept in contact with Aaron, his little brother, and he said he and Nick has been talking less and less as the time went by as well,” Brian added.

“From what I understand, there was a tragedy in his family that caused him to quit the group?”

“Well, in a manner,” Brian answered. “We know it’s out there now, so we’ll tell the story. What happened was, we were in the middle of a show when Nick received a call from his younger brother Aaron. He informed Nick that Nick’s best friend Maria had been found dead in her apartment. From what I understand she was shot twice and just, bled out.”

“Yeah, she was shot in her stomach once, but what killed her was one shot got her through the heart.” Kevin spoke up. “Nick knew Maria for years and she was pretty much a little sister to all of us, so he took her death really hard.”

“Well, I think we need to celebrate life rather than grieve death, so how about a song, and you don’t get a choice. We want you to perform Incomplete.”

“I don’t know, we haven’t done that song since Nick left the group.”

“Brian can do Nick’s parts can’t he?”

“Of course,” Brian answered. “I just don’t feel right doing it.”

“Well, I’m sure Nick wouldn’t mind,” the reporter smiled. Brian looked to Kevin, Howie, and AJ, and then nodded.

“Fine,” he muttered, accepting the microphone being handed to him. A piano started playing, and soon AJ started his opening lines.

“I tried, to go on like I never knew you…” Brian started singing, but his voice was drowned out by something else, or someone else. The four turned around to see Nick standing behind them, a microphone in hand, a smile on his face, and the lyrics flowing from his lips.

“I pray, for this heart to be unbroken, but without you all I’m going to be is, incomplete.” He finished before joining the others in the middle of the stage. They went through the rest of the song, everyone keeping a close eye on Nick since they knew this was Maria’s favorite song.

“Incomplete…” Nick finished the song. As the music died down, Nick turned to his friends, his brothers, and let himself get smashed in a group hug.

“So Nick, tell us, what happened after you left three years ago?” AJ asked before the reporter could.

“Well, I went to Arizona to go into rehab. I just knew if I didn’t do something, I would hit rock bottom worse than I did the first time. After a 30 day program, I went home, but the constant reminder of what happened was too much. I ended up relapsing, and was at that for about a year and a half. Finally, Aaron, Angel, just everyone said enough was enough, and forced me into detox and rehab again.”

“But you’re clean again right?” Kevin asked after a brief moment of silence.

“Going on a year again,” Nick nodded. He was forced to pause as everyone, including Brian, Howie, AJ, and Kevin, cheered over his news. “You know, Maria wouldn’t have wanted me that way, I know you guys don’t want me that way. I don’t want me that way. It’s just, at the time, I felt that was the best way to, to cope with her death.”

“We’re glad you’re better bro.”

“There’s something else that made me completely sober again.” Nick admitted, causing confusion from the four other men onstage with him. “The police made an arrest in Maria’s murder.”

“Who?” Brian asked, the shock visible in his eyes.

“Christian Westfield,” Nick answered.

“Her stalker ex?”

“I guess he wanted to talk to her, she refused, and he just lost it. Shot her twice, and took off.”

“He’s in jail now?”

“Prison, they convicted him this morning. He was found guilty of first degree murder.”

“Well, at least we know what happened now.” Howie muttered.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but we’ll take a short break and when we come back, we’ll talk with Night more about his future plans.”

“So, what are your future plans Nick?” AJ asked as soon as they were motioned as being clear.

“I haven’t really thought about it that much yet,” Nick replied honestly. He glanced toward the side of the stage, and his four friends knew exactly what he was thinking.

“She’s still there Nick,” Kevin told him. “You just can’t see her. Like my Dad, Alex’s grandmother, and Howie’s sister. They’re all still here with us, but we can’t see them.”

“I know,” Nick sighed. He looked back toward his friends and band mates, and looked up just as the reporter walked back in.

“So Nick,” she asked after they were announced as being on-air again. “This is your first appearance to anyone that wasn’t your family. How are you feeling right now.”

“I’m doing good,” Nick replied. “I keep wanting to look over at the corner of the stage where Maria would always stand, but I’m holding up right now.”

“Any plans to return to the band in the future?”

“I’m not exactly sure yet, see when I left, I kind of told these guys it would be permanent.”

“We didn’t take you seriously though,” Brian spoke up automatically. “This is your passion bro, it’s what you need to be doing.”

“Take more time to think it over,” Kevin told him. “And let us know when you make up your mind. There’s always a spot for you in this crazy group.”

“Thanks guys,” Nick smiled at them.

~Four Months Later~

“Hello Columbus!” AJ shouted to the crowd. “So, we thought we would start things differently tonight, with our hit single from the album, Never Gone. The song, Incomplete.”

Just like the day of the interview nearly five months ago, Nick stood backstage, a microphone in hand to sing over Brian when it came to the chorus. As soon as the crowd realized it wasn’t Brian singing, they became confused, but roared when Nick stepped out from behind the curtain.

“It’s great to be back!” he called, automatically looking toward the side of the stage. Even though it was in the corner of his eye, Nick could almost swear he saw movement where Maria should have been standing. He smiled at himself and shook his head, starting back up when he was supposed to. Being back onstage, with his friends and family, it made him realize that there were many trials he would have to face, but he knew if he stayed true to himself, everything would be okay.