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"Hold on tight, spider-monkey!"

Edward said as he waited next to the window, bent down for me. I walked up to him and climbed onto his back, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck.

"Alright, I'm ready" I said to his ear.
"No your not" He groaned.
"What do you mean, I'm not?" I was confused.
"Wrap your legs around me" He demanded.

I let out a sigh and then wrapped my legs around his waist.
"I'm ready" I said surely.
"No your not! You must bring your legs up higher!"
And then, he mumbled, "You know. Around my crotch. Yeah."
"Uh no Edward, that's too far." I said uncomfortably.
"Ah fuck it! I'm 80 years old and I'm still a virgin, they should make a movie about me called "The 80 Year Old Virgin." He was angry.

"Look! Just fly, or do whatever it is you can do" I was annoyed.
"Fine!"
He then flew out the window and I tightly held onto him.

"Faster, faster!" I yelled with excitement.
"Haha! you sound like your having sex with me" He then began to fly faster and faster.
"Oh wait Edward, that's too fast! ahhh!!!!" I screamed.
"Well I like it rough!"

He turned his head and winked his eye at me, as he then began flying as fast as he could. I suddenly realized that we were going to hit a tree. I had to warn him,
"Edward look out for that tree!"
"What tree?" He said like an idiot as he then hit his head against the tree and fell with me to the floor. We stood lying there, on a pile of leaves.

I laughed a bit and looked up at the sky. He then lay next to me, looking at the sky along with me. He pointed towards a cloud, then yelled.
"Ha! that cloud looks like my dick!"
I studied the cloud and realized something I had to tell him,
"Actually Edward, it looks exactly like a vagina"
"Oops, I mean that cloud looks like a vagina!" He corrected himself.
I continued to look at the clouds, realizing that through one of the clouds there appeared to be a woman in red leather clothes with a spear in her hand, flying down from the sky.

"Edward look!" I yelled with misery.
"OH-MY-GOD-ITS-BUFFY-THE-VAMPIRE-SLAYER!" He squealed and danced around with excitement.
"You are a vampire, dumb ass! RUN!" I yelled and got out of the way at a distant about 10 feet away from him.
"Ahh! Can I have your autograph?!?!" Edward screamed like a little fan girl as Buffy then stood beside him, holding up her sharp spear.

"Well of course!" She laughed like a witch, as she grabbed a glowing knife from her back pocket. She then lifted up Edward's shirt and slit the knife across his stomach, writing the name, "BUFFY'

Edward screamed in pain, then fell to the floor, on his knees. She now then slit his head and threw him up to space. He then landed in the sun and burned.