Somedays
Chapter 3
That fucking bastard. I don’t know why I even bothered with him in the first place. I used to think the world of him, he was my best friend, but now I can see him for what he is. The thing is, I can only keep this angry act up for so long before I need to run off to my bedroom and cry. On the outside I hate him, and I blame him for making me feel this way, but deep down I know what happened between us was my fault. It was my fault that we became friends, it was my fault The Blackout toured with us and subsequently got signed, it was my fault Sean and I got together, and it was my fault Sean met Josh. But I think the worst part is that it was my fault that Sean cheated on me. On the outside, I’ll always blame him, but on the inside I know that if I hadn’t have pushed him away, if I hadn’t have been so self centred, if I hadn’t have been so much less than he deserves, he would have never went looking for another man.
My phone pinged quietly from beside where I was sat on the bed that Sean and I had once shared. The bed that Sean and I had christened three times on the night that we bought it. Although I really, really enjoyed having sex with Sean, I had to admit that sometimes I loved just holding him in my arms even more. My chest ached as I thought about our skin touching softly as I pulled him in tighter. God, I missed him. I missed him so fucking much. Taking a deep breath to calm the tears that had sprung from my eyes, making my rosy cheeks itch, I picked up my phone and opened the message. It was Lee.
”Walking dead marathon at my house in five, be there or be a quadrilateral.”
I frowned at my friend’s pathetic excuse for a joke, then sighed, pushing my phone into my pants pocket as I stood up. I could probably use a laugh.
When I arrived at Lee’s, he looked exhausted. Syirin was having a girls night out, so Lee was left to battle with his monsters. Those kids are 100% monsters, but they’re also the cutest things I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen me. The boys were finally asleep and Lee was lying, sprawled on the couch with a bath towel hanging from his hand. “You okay?” I laughed, once I had returned from his kitchen with two beers. I handed him one and he sat up.
“Bath night.” He groaned, running a hand through his blonde hair. “I hate bath night.” I chuckled, already forgetting my heartbreaking afternoon. Lee always had that effect on people. That’s probably why we’re so close. Several beers and episodes of zombie killing mayhem went by, and soon I was staring off into my own world again. Unfortunately, getting hammered when you have something on your mind is not a great idea, especially when that morning you had ran into your ex boyfriend for the first time since you’d broken up, and he was preparing to have some cute bonding time with the guy he left you for. Lee frowned, placing his bottle on the carpet. He wasn’t drunk, he had kids to look after. What did I have? “E, what’s wrong?”
I looked up from the carpet, aiming my hand for my face so I could wipe a tear away. Damn drunken coordination. “Nothing.” I croaked, but talking just made more tears appear. There was no point lying, Lee would get it out of me in the end anyway. “I-I saw Sean today.”
Lee sighed quietly, then came to sit beside me on the other couch. He draped his arm around me, rubbing soft circles on my back in an attempt to comfort me. “Hey, I’m sorry mate. I really am.” He muttered. My head hurt from crying, as it always does when I think about Sean. “Do you want to talk about it?” Lee asks, taking my bottle of beer away from me. That’s probably a good idea. I don’t need to embarrass myself further.
I nodded, wiping my tears on my bare arm. I was wearing a short sleeved top. When I spoke, my voice was small and weak. If I was sober, I would have hated myself even more for letting Lee see me like this. “Lee, I miss him so much.” I sobbed, turning to bury my head in the guitarist’s chest. “W-why didn’t I f-fight for him?”
“No.” Lee said sternly, pushing me away a little so he could look into my glassy eyes. “You’re not thinking like that. Sean cheated on you. That was his decision. You did nothing to cause that. He’s the bad guy, Ian, not you.” I nodded, not wanting to fight with one of my oldest friends. I didn’t believe him though, and I knew I was right. If I had cared for Sean the way he needed me too, this would have never happened, and we’d still be happy. It was my fault, and I would have to spend the rest of my life paying for it.
My phone pinged quietly from beside where I was sat on the bed that Sean and I had once shared. The bed that Sean and I had christened three times on the night that we bought it. Although I really, really enjoyed having sex with Sean, I had to admit that sometimes I loved just holding him in my arms even more. My chest ached as I thought about our skin touching softly as I pulled him in tighter. God, I missed him. I missed him so fucking much. Taking a deep breath to calm the tears that had sprung from my eyes, making my rosy cheeks itch, I picked up my phone and opened the message. It was Lee.
”Walking dead marathon at my house in five, be there or be a quadrilateral.”
I frowned at my friend’s pathetic excuse for a joke, then sighed, pushing my phone into my pants pocket as I stood up. I could probably use a laugh.
When I arrived at Lee’s, he looked exhausted. Syirin was having a girls night out, so Lee was left to battle with his monsters. Those kids are 100% monsters, but they’re also the cutest things I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen me. The boys were finally asleep and Lee was lying, sprawled on the couch with a bath towel hanging from his hand. “You okay?” I laughed, once I had returned from his kitchen with two beers. I handed him one and he sat up.
“Bath night.” He groaned, running a hand through his blonde hair. “I hate bath night.” I chuckled, already forgetting my heartbreaking afternoon. Lee always had that effect on people. That’s probably why we’re so close. Several beers and episodes of zombie killing mayhem went by, and soon I was staring off into my own world again. Unfortunately, getting hammered when you have something on your mind is not a great idea, especially when that morning you had ran into your ex boyfriend for the first time since you’d broken up, and he was preparing to have some cute bonding time with the guy he left you for. Lee frowned, placing his bottle on the carpet. He wasn’t drunk, he had kids to look after. What did I have? “E, what’s wrong?”
I looked up from the carpet, aiming my hand for my face so I could wipe a tear away. Damn drunken coordination. “Nothing.” I croaked, but talking just made more tears appear. There was no point lying, Lee would get it out of me in the end anyway. “I-I saw Sean today.”
Lee sighed quietly, then came to sit beside me on the other couch. He draped his arm around me, rubbing soft circles on my back in an attempt to comfort me. “Hey, I’m sorry mate. I really am.” He muttered. My head hurt from crying, as it always does when I think about Sean. “Do you want to talk about it?” Lee asks, taking my bottle of beer away from me. That’s probably a good idea. I don’t need to embarrass myself further.
I nodded, wiping my tears on my bare arm. I was wearing a short sleeved top. When I spoke, my voice was small and weak. If I was sober, I would have hated myself even more for letting Lee see me like this. “Lee, I miss him so much.” I sobbed, turning to bury my head in the guitarist’s chest. “W-why didn’t I f-fight for him?”
“No.” Lee said sternly, pushing me away a little so he could look into my glassy eyes. “You’re not thinking like that. Sean cheated on you. That was his decision. You did nothing to cause that. He’s the bad guy, Ian, not you.” I nodded, not wanting to fight with one of my oldest friends. I didn’t believe him though, and I knew I was right. If I had cared for Sean the way he needed me too, this would have never happened, and we’d still be happy. It was my fault, and I would have to spend the rest of my life paying for it.