Legit Girl

I was dreaming. One of those dreams where if you woke up, you would stare at the ceiling and try to conjure up the feelings you had within your paper-thin world of sleep. I dreamt that I was walking on water, soft ripples of waves beneath my feet and bubbles like kisses clung to my toes. The sky parted and I knew God was up there smiling at me, his dimples of sunshine were winking from behind the clouds. I clenched and unclenched my fists to make sure that I was an actual being, human, skin, bone, and flesh. Yep, this was real alright. I was really walking on the ocean.

Judah. The wind whispered. I pushed my blonde hair out of my face and continued walking the cerulean path before me.

Judah The wind whistled. I looked around, who was that speaking to me?

"Judah! Wake up! I'm serious, your arm is suffocating me." I heard my little sister say as my eyes shot open. Rain pattered on the windowpane outside, a soft reminder that dreams came and went too. My sister whimpered as I moved my arm away from her and rolled over so my back was facing her. That was a perfectly wonderful dream and she ruined it. Ruth ruined my dream once again. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, looking around the tiny room I shared with my two sisters Ruth and Esther. The night light was still on with the bible laying wide open underneath it. I raised an eyebrow looking at the lump in the sheets as it yawned.

"More late night reading I see." I said as Ruth grunted. "Well, wake up, we've got to study our scriptures and pray with pa before he cuts out for the church." I pulled my bathrobe on and trudged from the room, carefully not to step on the bible story themed puzzles and books. I went to the bathroom and scraped the sleep from my eyes with my fingernail and avoided gazing too much at my appearance. God hates vainness, it's a sin. Yawning and scratching my scalp, I turned off the light and headed across the tiny house past my brothers' Eli, Jacob, and Leviticus' room. It was silent and I assumed that they had already gotten up before us and had begun their Friday chores.

My siblings and I had been home-schooled our whole lives by our mother who is a former teacher. Every morning, we awoke, studied our scriptures, prayed with pa, ate, tended to the house, and farmland, then schooling. Sometimes ma let us have some free time to listen to bible stories on tape or do puzzles before lunch, I especially liked that. Ma sat at the kitchen table, wire rimmed glasses sinking low on her nose and auburn hair piled atop her head. She had creases of worry lining her forehead as she read from a stack of papers. She looked up as she heard me pad in, putting the papers down she smiled a thin smile.

"I thought you were already up?" She said, her lips twitching. Uh-oh, usually when she looked this way, it was because I had forgotten to do something. I wrapped my robe tighter around myself.

"I had... not so great sleep last night." I said hesitantly, waiting for her to chastise me about what I forgot. She took her glasses off and sighed.

"Well, thanks to you overstaying your welcome in dreamland your brother Eli had to have the unpleasant surprise of spoiled milk in the fridge this morning. You didn't milk Sarah...again."

I pressed a palm to my forehead. That's right...this was my Friday to milk Sarah.

"I'm sorry ma, I was-"

Ma held up a hand. "You'll have no free time today. So after schooling, you can continue reading your bible until supper, that'll teach you to remember next time."

I sagged with disappointment, but then straightened up again. I would lose Gods favor by not appreciating his word and what he provided for us.

"Now get, and help your brothers set the bales of hay." I nodded and scurried off before she told me to wait for my father and prayers.

+ + +

Dressed in my warmest flannel and sturdy work jeans, I tied my hair up in a knot and went to meet my brothers outside in the pouring rain. My boots sank in the mud and caused me to trip numerous times before I got to them. Covering my head with plastic bag, I could make out the figures of them by our large barn.
Eli spotted me and frowned.

"Now you decide to help huh?" He said over the rain hitting earth. I rolled my eyes and proceeded to help Leviticus lift the bales into the barn.

"Don't roll your eyes at me. You know you're just a lazy little princess, thats why God made women inferior to men. You can't do anything right." He said as Jacob silently handed him another bale. Oh the perks of being the eldest brother, no one dared to stop you from speaking your mind. At least not in this house. Eli's word was close to Gods own book when pa wasn't around and raising his own kind of cain. Give this boy a little bit of sour milk and he'd give you an eternity of strife.

I ignored him. "Levi, are you going into town today? I need some drawing pencils." Leviticus was the only brother that I trusted completely and loved unconditionally. He was silent most of the time, but we could easily read each others thoughts. He shrugged.

"Maybe. When the rain lets up, maybe." He said looking to the vast expanse of gray horizon and sighing.

+ + +

Levi and I sat in the pickup truck going 50 in a 35 on the empty backroad. Esther begged and begged to come with us, but I had my fill of the people in that house for today, and Leviticus probably did as well. I eyed the radio, knowing good and well that Levi would object if I turned it on just for a second. We didn't listen to music in my house, or watch TV. Ma says it's just a way for the devil to inhabit our fresh young minds. I heard a good song once when I was alone in my grams attic with her old radio. It was beautiful, and by some guy named Coldplay. But Jacob caught me and slapped the life out of me for being so sinful.

"It's going to be a good farming season, huh Levi? With all this rain and whatnot."

Leviticus shrugged and squinted at the road with his blue eyes just like mine. He had a strong jaw just like pa and a gentle mouth and brow like him too. We pulled into the town shopping center, the truck protesting as we pulled a sharp left into a parking space out front of a convenience store. Levi stopped the car and hopped out, nearly two feet taller than the car. I slid out as well, the earth melting underneath my feet.

"I'm going over to O'Malley's for a coke." He said gruffly shoving his hands in his pockets and waiting for me to nod. Normally I would protest, especially knowing that ma prohibits us from drinking soda, but it just tasted so darn good! Not that I'd know or anything...

I shrugged like he usually did as I walked to the store. The rain had let up by now and rays of sun peeked out from behind the early October clouds. The bell on the door jingled as I opened the door and went straight for the school supplies section. Old man Johansson looked up from his newspaper.

"Judah, its been so long since I've seen you. Hows the drawing?" He asked as I popped my head above the shelf and smiled faintly.

"Fine thank you." I replied. Ma warned me not to talk to men outside of the family because they all only wanted one thing. I shuddered just thinking about it. Why would anyone want to have relations without being married and bound to each other for eternity under God? It was sick. I sifted through the different pencils, feeling the soft lead of their tips graze my fingers. The bell dinged at the front of the store and a group of voices accompanied it.

"Where the hell are we anyway?" A girl whined.

"Fuck if I know, I'm waiting for a hilbilly to grab 'ol leroy over here." The group laughed as a guy agreed. I sank to my knees wondering who in the world would ever enter a public place being this loud...and profane? I mean, we were only a couple of feet away from the one of many churches out here! Grabbing individual drawing pencils, I went to the counter and stared at my hands to avoid looking at Old man Johansson or the group that entered the store.

"Hey gramps, got any beer in this joint?" One guy called out. My eyes widened. GRAMPS?!? HOW COULD HE TALK TO HIS ELDERS LIKE THIS?!? I turned and chanced a glance at the dispersed group that now lifted bags of chips and soda bottles to put into their respective shopping bags. I caught the eye of the man talking. He was tall, with tattoos covering his arms, and one could only imagine where else. He even had one on his hairline. He ran a hand through his dark tresses, his plain white v-neck grazing his hipbones. He was looking at me strangely. As I whipped my head around. My heart was pounding.

Old man Johansson raised a fist at the group.

"You don't come into my store with your sagging pants, and slang, and expect me to help you! You need God, you pack of hoodlums."

I heard a girl giggle behind me and a pair of boots clomp over to my right. I looked up to Johansson, avoiding looking over at all costs.

"M-mr. Johansson what do I owe you?" I asked. My throat feeling like sandpaper and my lungs ready to explode and sag against my thoracic cage.

"You've got a voice like an angel, you know that?" I heard the blonde man say as Johansson rang me up. I held my head high and ignored him. He leaned closer and I could smell cigarettes on him, like the ones I caught Eli smoking last summer. And there was a sweet undertone...like...cherries...

"Bet you've heard that already huh?" He continued.

"Aw leave the girl alone. That's Brandt Kennedy's girl and he don't tolerate no mess. That'll be $15.92 Judah." Old man Johansson said sympathetically. My hand trembled like a leaf in fall as I began to pull my cash out. The blonde mans hand shot out and laid atop mine, I looked up at him, startled. He pulled out a credit card and gave it to Johansson.

"I-" I began, really taking a good look at this guy. His eyes were an electric blue of a flash of lightning across the sky, and I was frightened that if he looked at me too long, he might see an x-ray of my skeleton. He had a strong jaw and the fullest lips I had ever seen on a man.

"Don't even worry, I got you Judah." He said winking, his long lashes sweeping his cheekbones. I was too stunned to even object as I normally would. A girl came up to him and shot me a glassy eyed look, as if she were sick or something. She was gorgeous too, her hair was a bright tomato red and she had a flawless face. Putting a bony hand on his chest and throwing a bag of cheetos on the counter with her free hand she added to the bill.

"Don't forget about us little people Kessler. I'm hooked and hungry." She said leaving with a nasty sneer for me.

"Judah. Judah. Judah." He sang under his breath as he took the receipt. Johansson grunted and plodded away, obviously annoyed by the business. "That's a name for a rockstar. Have you ever thought of being one?"

I shook my head and grabbed my shopping bag, planning on thanking this stranger quickly and leaving before Levi stormed in and beat the tar out of him. The man grabbed my wrist.

"Hey sunshine, where do you think you're going?"

I yanked my arm away. "Home." I said. The store erupted with "OOOHS" from his friends, and the man waved them off. I wasn't going to stick around and talk with this loser, even if he did buy my pencils for me. He let me pass as I marched by, pushing the door open and beginning to walk away. I heard the ding of the door as it was opened again, but I kept walking, the mud grabbing for my ankles as I went.

"Judah!" I heard him call behind me. I pressed foreword, grimacing as I almost tripped over a rock. Finally catching up with me, he said my name again.

"Judah, I won't be able to get your name out of my head...you may have heard that before, but it never rang true like now." He said catching his breath. I stopped and stared at the ground, clutching my pencils. "Can I see you again?" he asked. I looked up at him, his face was hopeful and eyes staring into mine like he was searching for something.

"Absolutely not." I said shaking any possibility of indulging in his ridiculous request out of my skull.

"What are you afraid of?" He asked as I turned on my heel.

"Kessler, c'mon, leave the girl, she obviously isn't feeling you." A male voice shouted from the door of the shop. But as I walked away to meet my brother so we could drive back down that bumpy road to our house in the middle of nowhere, I wondered what I felt.