Can't Let You Float Away

"Do we have to wake him up?" I sigh, standing in the doorway with Liam's sippy cup in my hand. He was sound asleep, clutching his stuffed animal, and I hated to just pack him in a car and wake him up twenty minutes later to situate him on an old and loud tour bus.

"He's going to be a major grump in the morning." Alex runs his hands through his hair. "But we don't really have a choice except to try and ease him into the trip."

Alex lets out a heavy sigh, bracing himself. He walks to the edge of Liam's bed and flicks off the night light plugged in behind Liam's bed. The stars illuminating the dark blue room are suddenly turned dark and my eyes take several seconds to adjust. Alex stoops down, carefully and gently pulling Liam up into his arms.

"Shh, shh." Alex coos as Liam begins to squirm. Just as soon, he becomes limp, too tired to struggle with his father about the unkindly hour. Alex smiles in victory, raising his eyebrows at me and mouthing a 'Hallelujah' as he walks out the door to the car.

*************************************************

The bus is, by no indication, All Time Low's bus. On big tours with twenty other bands, I could never tell which bus was ours. I generally followed Flyzik or one of the crew around, in search of it. And now, standing in the parking lot of the high school where we met every year before we began our journey, I study the bus for distinct markings. I am not disappointed when nothing strikes me as identifiable, and follow Alex carrying Liam's small suitcase in my hand.

"Where's our bunk?" I whisper.

"WOOH YEAH! WARPED TOUR! WHO IS PUMPED?" Jack screams as he runs down the bus halls.

Liam, who had successfully been kept asleep this whole time, is now wide awake, looking around confused and angry. Alex rolls his eyes at Jack and glares pointedly.

"Sorry." Jack whispers back in response.

"What good does that do us now?" Alex shakes his head, then turns to me as Liam looks like he is about to burst into tears. "You and I are in the same bunk as every tour."

I bite my lip, sensing the stupidity in my question. I drop Liam's suitcase in the back room where Delilah is already sound asleep. There used to be a bar back here with a TV and a stripper pole. Since the change from four teenage boys in a band to one married manager, two fathers, one seriously committed body builder, a child stuck in a 6 foot tall body in a band, with the addition of their families, the back room had become a place for Delilah and Liam to sleep and play during the tours.

"You ready for this?" Cass asks as I sit in the bunk Alex and I share. Her stomach is in my face and I try my best to ignore it.

I shake my head and laugh exhaustively. "Am I ever ready for tour?"

Cassadee shrugs and looks at Rian out the window. He wipes sweat from his forehead as he throws the last piece of his drum kit into the trailer. "You'd think you'd get used to all the hustle and bustle, right?"

"I don't know how you're going to manage two, Cass." The stomach is unavoidable, screaming in my face. "Alex wants another so bad and -"

"You aren't ready." She finishes for me. "Don't rush it. Rian and I agreed that it was time, that we could handle it. Then again, Delilah has been significantly easier than Liam."

"It's a girl thing." I whisper so that the boys, now reemerging onto the bus won't hear. "Liam is just restless and he wants to be like his daddy and uncles. Give the boy a drum stick and some fake tattoos and he's amused for hours."

"What are you gals chatting about?" Jack interludes, carrying a beer in one hand and pulling open the sheets to his bunk directly across from Alex and I.

"Hopefully Cassadee is convincing Jamie that two is better than one." Alex mumbles, smirking innocently at me.

"I was just going to bed." I grumble, throwing my legs into the bunk and scooting as close as I can to the wall. "Big day tomorrow. Good night Cass. Night Jack."

I stay up staring at the wall. Waiting for the bus to catch silence. Waiting for Matt to stop worrying about last minute preps, throwing curtains open to bunks, screaming questions down the hall, calling Jade and asking her for an opinion on set list. Forty-five minutes into the trip and he must give up, letting out a dramatic sigh and throwing a bottle into the trash.

"Finally." Alex groans as he climbs into the bunk. "Matt overworks himself. Sometimes it's just better to wing it. He made us a list of words to avoid while in interview. That's how far it's gone."

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"What's so bad about marrying me?" I don't turn over but I can hear the mattress squeak, indicating that Alex has turned to face me.

"Nothing. I never said it would be bad to marry you." When I don't say anything, he goes on, putting his hand reassuringly around my hip. "Where'd that idea come from?"

Underneath the sheets, I place my hand over his. "We aren't married yet. I mean. We aren't even engaged. And whenever I bring it up, you shun the idea like it's some kind of... some kind of nightmare."

Alex sighs and his cool breath hits the back of my neck, causing me to shiver. "I told you Jamie. Every little girl in the world dreams about the fairytale wedding. And we don't have the time for the planning, first off. And even more bothersome is the fact that we have a relationship with your dad that is, well, less than decent. And let's not even get started on how things are with your mother."

"And what about me?" I turn to face him, looking him straight in his wide brown eyes. "You want me forever, right? Am I the one? Are you going to love me for always? Why isn't that enough? Why does everyone and their pet goldfish have to be involved in a marriage that should strictly be between two people?"

"Because I know that one day, if things are better with your parents, you'll look back and wish you had waited. Come here." He pulls me into his chest, tightly holding on. "Jamie Lane, I will always love you and fight for you. Don't doubt that for even a second. You are my only one, forever and for always. Do you want a vow right now?"

"Sure." I whimper into his chest.

"I promise to never let you go. I promise that I will let you win arguments. Most of the time. I promise that you and Liam will always be first in my life, over everyone and everything. I promise that when things get tough, I'll hold tighter. I promise to always lock the door when we're about to have sex." I giggle despite myself. "I promise that I will consider you my forever now and when you become Jamie Gaskarth and when we're old and hardly remember our last names. I promise that I will love you for always."

"Do you promise to marry me one day?"

"I promise to marry you one day." He mumbles into my hair. "Get some shut eye, alright?"

I breathe in his scent and shut my eyes. The cramped bunk was uncomfortable and hot. But there was no place I'd rather be.

**********************************************************************

Liam sits on the table beneath our merch tent with Vinny. First day of Warped was always his most important outfit day. Fans would be searching for pictures from the first day of Warped to hype them up about their upcoming date. And Liam and Delilah has almost become more popular than the guys themselves.

Vinny has let him try on some sunglasses which keep falling over his nose. I stifle a laugh as he holds onto their sides to keep them from falling off completely. Alex dressed him today, and it surprised me enough that I actually agreed with his choice. Jean shorts and a shirt that sported the All Time Low skull logo and read 'My daddy's in the band.' in the front and 'What has your daddy accomplished?' in the back.

"We're always running late." Cassadee shakes her head, holding Delilah. "What time was I supposed to be here?"

I check my watch. "You're five minutes early."

She scrunches up her face. "What? Rian told me..."

"He told you wrong." I laugh. "Probably to prevent you from being late."

I follow Cass to the merch table where she hugs Vinny and sets Delilah down next Liam. She continues on her rant about how Rian shouldn't worry about her punctuality.

"Cute outfit." I nod toward Delilah, trying to change the subject. Her light brown curls and tied up with bright pink skull adorned hair ties. She wears a bright pink skirt and a white t-shirt. All Time Low is written in curly font across it with a heart at the end of the 'Low' part.

"Thanks." She places her hand on her stomach and inhales and exhales, trying to catch her breath. "Rian wanted the shirt from BBM that Jack gave her for Christmas. You know, the one that says 'Daddy is just glad to be here'?"

I stifle a laugh. "It is funny..."

"Maybe tomorrow. Today is all about dressing in your Warped Tour best."

"Hey, sorry to burst your estrogen bubbles over there, but no toddlers on the merch table please." Vinny jokes.

"I got 'em." Zack says, scooping up Liam and Delilah in his massive arms. They giggle as he balances them with ease.

Alex and Jack follow behind him with Rian in the rear, talking to the interviewer from AP Press. First interview of three today. He looks new, like he is trying too hard. Sweat pores down from his forehead. Better get used to this life, buddy.

"Jamie?" He asks, although he already knows. "And Cassadee Pope, of course." He extends his hand, shaking ours, definitely new. "Dan."

"Nice to meet you." I smile as he makes his way back to the boys, caring less about the two of us. He gets in Liam's face in that way that everybody does. Liam is used to it by now, the constant strangers who coo over him and ask to hug him or give him a high five. He looks unamused and I silently pray that he remains well behaved for this one interview. And without further ado, they get straight to the point - question after question, until finally he manages to work his way back to their personal lives.

"And this is your son?" Dan motions toward Liam, who Alex holds tightly as he is getting squirmy.

"Liam, yeah." He smiles.

"And your daughter?" Dan directs towards Rian.

"Delilah, and another on the way." The cameras scan toward Cassadee and I and we pretend not to notice, pretend to be focused on the boys interview.

"Right, congratulations! Any names thought out yet?"

"We're keeping that a secret." Rian says. "No one is going to know except for Cass and I until she's here."

"Are you excited for a little sister?" Dan asks Delilah.

Delilah doesn't answer. She grins widely, scrunching her nose up. Dan laughs in sync with the rest of us, knowing that this will make the final cut of the interview. These were our kids and the world wanted to see them. Better off cute and innocent and only in interviews, rather than paparazzi attacks.

"Well that answers that question." Dan replies, then looks up to Alex. "So I'm hearing rumors of wedding bells for yourself. Care to confirm?"

Alex's face drops and he looks at me. I shrug and shake my head no. Alex clears his throat. "No, not yet. Jamie and I have been discussing our future and of course there will be the white dress and the rice and tuxedo and rings someday, but not within the next year."

My heart sinks. An entire year. That was the minimum. Shake it off, Jamie, shake it off.

"Well we wish you luck when the time comes." Dan is full fledged sweating now and looks as if he might pass out from dehydration. "Thank you guys for spending time with us and we're looking forward to a great Warped this year, on behalf of all of AP Press."

The cameras cut as the boys wave goodbye and Liam leaps out of Alex's arms, understanding that his job is done. Dan says his goodbyes and moves on to the water tent before his next interview.

"How'd we do?" Alex asks, kissing me.

"Do you have to ask?" I smile half halfheartedly.

"Well judging by the look on your face when i answered that last question, yeah, I do."

Liam and Delilah run around the tent laughing, chased by Jack and it's hard to be brokenhearted when you're surrounded by all these amazing things. "One year."

"Jamie, weddings take that long to plan. I didn't say it would take that long for a proposal."

I kiss him again on the cheek, scruff. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

He squeezes my hand, but doesn't let go. "Come on, now. If we sneak away really fast, we can catch the end of Kellin's set."

I nod and let Alex sneak me to the backstage of Sleeping with Sirens. I watch as Kellin puts his whole heart into it. From the other side, Katelynn and and Copeland wave to us.

It felt like back in high school when we would sneak into local shows, thinking we were masterminds. When Alex and I would stand in the crowd at concerts, screaming back lyrics and dreaming of when it was our chance. Only it was real now.

"What are you thinking about?" He yells into my ear over the music.

"Our picket fence life." I kiss him, mid-laugh. I can feel the world falling away, the music flowing through us, the palm of his hand clutching my face.

He pauses for breath. "That... is something that needs to happen more often." And kisses me again.