Can't Let You Float Away

"Hey honey," Rian answers the phone, standing from his place at the signing table and receiving a death glare from Alex, "so you landed alright? Are you with your mom? ... Oh, my mom, even better."

Liam, Delilah, and I watch as Rian continues to chat to Cassadee and sign papers simultaneously. Alex nudges him hard, but he can't seem to pry his ear from the phone. Liam giggles as Alex takes the phone from Rian's hand, squabbling and bickering for a good minute before Alex wins.

"Hey Cass... Yeah, it's Alex... We're great, but we're signing right now. Can Ri call you back in an hour? ... I knew you'd understand... Kisses, from everyone." And click. Alex pats Rian on the shoulder, pocketing his cell phone and turning to the next fan. "How are you today? Your hair is awesome by the way."

I smirk and clutch Delilah's hand tighter as she tries her best to weasel her way out of my grip. At the mention of her mother's name she had gone from being perfectly content with sitting in the back of the tent to being set on getting away from me. And Liam, always taking after his daddy, pulls at my hair, not helping me in the slightest.

"Is that your son?" One of the fans coos, staring back at me and Liam. "Your daughter? They're even cuter in person!"

Alex grins to himself. "Lucky for Delilah she took after the good looking one. I mean, what, yeah they're adorable."

Rian shakes his head, "Hey, we're still hoping Liam gets Jamie's brains. Actually, more like praying."

"Break it up you two! Not all of us have something cute to argue over!" Jack interjects, always having to be the center of something.

The girls who have been listening to the conversation giggle. "Can we have a picture?"

"But of course." Alex replies, standing, leaning forward.

"With Liam and Delilah too?" They ask.

Alex bites his lip, glances at me, back at the girls. "Normally, I would be all for it, but right now, what with the virus going around, I've gone into protective dad mode."

The girls look upset, deciding to instead glare at me. Alex notices and claps his hands together, startling the girls and pushing them on toward their picture. I hold Liam a little closer.

"Daddy! Daddyyyyy!" He screams.

Alex finishes his pose and turns around. "Liam, buddy, Daddy can't right now. See, Daddy is working?" But Liam fusses further and Alex always, always gave in. He sighs. "Just for a minute. And no markers."

Liam doesn't listen of course. He picks up marker after marker, throwing them and taking the caps off, drawing on himself before Alex catches him. All as Delilah laughs in the background, encouraging him.

"Alright bud, play right here between me and Uncle Jack for a minute. I can't sign with you in my lap." Alex says, setting him down contently to play beneath the table with Alex's shoes. It makes me nervous, but then I remember that viruses weren't spread by dirt. And this one, as far as the reports suggested, was derived from pure physical contact with someone carrying the undetected virus. I shake it off and play peek-a-boo with Delilah.

It's nearing forty-five minutes before the fans die out and we are given the okay to leave. Rian gladly takes Delilah from my arms and Alex grabs a Sharpie from the table, drawing a small heart over my ring finger. I give him a light smile.

"Hey, uh, I don't mean to freak anyone out, but where is the little guy?" Jack asks, pulling off the plastic sheet over the table, revealing nothing but spouts of grass, no Liam.

My heart sinks and I push Alex out of my way, going around the tent. "Liam! Liam! Liam Jackson Gaskarth, get over here right now!"

"Oh God, oh God." Alex keeps saying, as if they are the only words he knows. "Liam! Liam!"

My breath gets frantic as I search for him. I run through mobs of people, not bothering to apologize. I needed to find him. I have no idea where I'm going. Kellin tries to stop me, Vince asks me what is wrong, but I can't talk to them. In the distance I can hear Zack asking a large group of teenagers if they've seen a little boy, a toddler, wandering his way around the grounds.

I'm a bad parent. How could I do this? How could I lose my own baby when he could barely even walk, much less run away? I sink to the ground, curling my fists around my hair. I wasn't much of a fainter, but the world is going dark again for some reason and I wonder why, just now, has this habit developed? I feel dizzy, unable to support myself.

"Boo!"

I turn around quickly, the hot tears blaze in a slant down my face. Liam's little hands, stained with dirt, brush my face.

"Boo!" He smiles.

I pull him into my arms, hugging him tightly, feeling all his tiny baby bones in my grip. I kiss him a hundred times and run my hand over his light brown hair and admire the itty bitty teeth he has acquired.

"Liam Jackson Gaskarth, don't you ever run away from Mommy and Daddy again, do you understand?!" I hold him at arms length away, but it doesn't last for long. "You scared me, Liam. Do you understand? Do you understand how sad Mommy would be if -"

I can't bring myself to say the words. But in the same instant, Alex is running toward us, out of breath and then scooping Liam up into his arms and holding him closely. Liam looks scared, confused and Alex is near tears.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. I should have been watching you." He whispers as people everywhere stand back to either shame us as bad parents or to admire our much too public family moment. "But you don't ever leave my side again! You could be lost Liam! You don't want to be lost out here, do you?"

And somehow he comprehends this, shaking his head and full-fledged crying, wailing and curling up into Alex's arms. I follow them back to the bus, the rest of the group in tow. Jack puts an arm around me, seeing the nightmare splashed across my face.

***********************************************************************

"Alex, you're being crazy." I mumble from the bathroom doorway. Alex scrubs at Liam in the bath, carefully cleaning out the creases in his toes, the dirt beneath his fingernails. "Just last week you told me if he didn't want a bath not to give him one! Boys will be boys, all your yadayada about how your parents made you take baths and it got you nowhere."

"Well this is different." Alex says, taking a q-tip and cleaning behind Liam's ear.

"Alexander William! He's been in the bath for nearly an hour! He's going to catch a real cold if you don't put him in PJs soon!"

Alex sighs and lifts him from the tub, drying him off. "I'm just scared because I don't know how long he was gone today. Who or what he was in contact with. If T-13 is among us..."

I let Alex finish putting on Liam's pajamas and send him to play with Zack before I wrap my arms around him from behind. He kisses my neck, pulling the drain from the tub, and putting his hands over mine.

"I just feel like such a bad parent." He whispers. "How could I have let him out of my sight? Not noticed when he was gone? And God, I want another one! I can't even watch Liam, much less another baby."

I kiss the top of Alex's head. "Every good parent makes mistakes. It's what makes them perfect in the eyes of their children. And you, Mr. Gaskarth, are a perfect dad."

"Hey Jamie! Alex!" Rian calls. "There's more news on the virus! Hurry up!"

I glance at Alex and we ponder it a moment. I had learned my lesson, but I knew he was curious. He went through these phases where he wanted to know every detail about one subject. The year I met him it was movie making. In ninth grade, it had been astronomy. When we were sixteen, he wanted to know everything about art. And now it was this disease. I try to pry him off the subject.

I pull at the hair on the nape of his neck. "That shower looks really inviting."

Alex snickers, puts his finger to his lips, and slams the bathroom door.

***********************************************************************

When did the night get so cold? I shiver, trying my best to wrap my arms around myself, but no matter how I exercise them, they simply do not warm me enough. I begin to move, my eyes adjusting to the dark. I stumble on something and stub my toe. I bend down to get a better look - a table, flipped over.

"What?" I mutter, my teeth chattering.

I feel further around the room, find familiar objects, hear familiar noises. There was that mini-freezer where Zack kept his protein shakes and Jack kept his popsicles. Here was Liam's favorite blanket, blue and in bad need of a wash. I stepped on Matt's favorite shirt, the one with the Walt Disney quote. Then there was Cassadee's snow globe, the one from Arizona, rolling beneath me, wetting the floor. And that old cookie jar, the one I had loved because Alex made it in eleventh grade art class, shattered onto the ground.

But the ground looked an awful lot like the wall, a window pressed against the pavement. And I realize I am walking inside the overturned bus. I remembered this place. Where was Liam now? I strain my ears. Hear no sound. I needed to check his bedroom. Step by step, I walk to the back of the bus, part the doors, feel the wall inside.

"L- L- Liam?" I stutter, choking back my fear. "Are you in here, baby?"

There's a noise, in the corner. It wasn't Liam. It wasn't human. Or perhaps it was.

My eyes begin to adjust, making out outlines of various objects. I tiptoe toward the noise. Closer, closer. I can almost see him now...

***********************************************************************

I wake with a start. Feeling the empty bunk, just me, Alex's book, and a sheet. It was cold, the AC having turned on in the middle of the night. Where was Alex?

I bite my lip and crawl out of the bed, still scared from the dream. I half expected to hear the noise. I was surprised when the bus was moving, turned right side up.

I find Alex in the position we had sat in last night. He pours over his laptop, never even noticing that I have crept up from behind. I sit beside him and he jumps. He smiles at himself weakly and puts a hand on my knee.

"Hey Prince Charming, you leave all your maidens to sleep alone after a romantic night?" I whisper into his ear.

Alex kisses my cheek. "What maidens? I've only got a princess."

I glance at the screen, already knowing what it is. T- 13. "Alex -"

"I was curious." He explains. "And Rian and Zack would have told us in the morning anyway."

"Told us what?"

Alex slides me closer to him, pausing, evaluating whether or not he should tell me. "The virus is worse than they thought."

"How?"

"In the last 24 hours," he points to a graph on the computer with a sharp incline, "it's reached Kansas. It's infected half of America."