Can't Let You Float Away

We sit around Rian's phone on the table, squashed together because the bus is so small in the first place. The ring seems to take longer when you're waiting for something important. Liam and I sit on Alex's lap and I try not to make eye contact with Rian who is sitting across from him, pale and scared.

"Hello?" Cass finally picks up the phone and we can feel ourselves let out a breath.

"Hey baby," Rian says quickly, "You're on speaker. Everyone is here."

"Hey guys." Cass's voice calls back. "How is Delilah? And Liam?"

"They're great, Cass." I answer.

She takes a minute, then gets straight to the point. "I'm going to the hospital soon. My bags are packed. I haven't gotten worse, but I'm not much better either."

"You'll be okay." Rian half whispers, barely audible, perhaps to himself. He clears his throat and repeats himself, louder.

"The hospital is swamped, Ri." Cass explains. "People are checking themselves in like crazy, getting sent home because the doctors can't do anything for them. It hit -"

"We know." Alex interrupts her, going back into his scared mode. "It hit the rest of the East Coast yesterday."

It's silent as everyone in the room thinks back to what they have at home. Matt had Jade. I had my dad. Alex had his parents, and so did Zack and Rian. Rian had Cassadee and a new baby. The phones had been ringing constantly since the virus had picked up speed. My dad called twice a day now, always wondering what Liam was doing, was he okay, was I keeping him away from the crowds.

"Yeah, it did..." Cassadee sighs. "But everyone is okay so far. No signs. But Ri, I do wish you would come home."

I bite my lip as Rian glances at Matt. There was supposed to be a meeting today, when we arrived at our destination, between the managers. We all knew, despite the lack of talk about it, what it was regarding.

"Might be sooner than you think, Cass." Rian replies.

"That's almost a good thing." She says quietly. "Look, I have to go. I need to get a head start on everyone in the ER. But I love you. Kisses to Delilah."

"I love you, too. Be safe." Rian warns her as Cassadee makes a small noise in her throat that sounds like 'bye', and hangs up the phone.

We are still. It was much past Liam's bedtime and Delilah was already fast asleep in Rian's bunk. She refused to sleep anywhere but with him, attached to his side ever since Cassadee had been away for more than two days. Which also meant that Liam was milking sleeping in mine and Alex's bunk, which already felt too small.

Liam's feet in his baby blue footie pajamas kick at Alex's knees as he rocks himself. I feel Alex's grip tighten around my waist, pulling me closer into him as he kisses my shoulder. I strain my ears and can almost hear Delilah's breathing.

"We'll probably be asleep so wake us up after the meeting, Matt." Rian is the first to break the silence, shutting his phone and placing it in his pocket.

Matt nods. "It's going to be early. We'll probably know something around 3 AM, you sure I should wake you?"

"Yes." Everyone says in unison, smiling slightly.

Jack is the next to depart, standing and kissing the top of Liam's head before crawling into his bunk. I stand to follow his lead. Liam fits limply and perfectly onto my shoulder until I hand him over to Alex while I crawl into the bunk, at which point he fits a little too snugly in between the two of us.

"Remember when we didn't have kids?" Alex whispers.

I giggle. "Yeah, that whole month we dated before Liam was conceived."

"The first thing we're doing when we get home is sending him to my parents. I am dying for alone time."

"Alex, we just -"

"There are rules on tour though. Keep it quiet, keep it private. That's no fun."

I pinch his arm as he leans over to Liam to kiss me goodnight. I stop him. "I'm scared for her."

"Don't worry too much." Alex wraps his fingers around mine above our heads. "I'm sure Cassadee is fine. She's pregnant so the hospital has to give her service before anyone else."

I nod. "You're right. We'll know in the morning."

Alex is quiet and I think he might have fallen asleep. I'm drifting into unconsciousness when he says it, maybe thinking that I'm asleep. "No matter what's about to happen, I love you."

*****************************************************************

The curtain to our bunk is suddenly pulled away. Alex's hand is still loosely holding mine. I squint to make out a face in the darkness. Matt.

"Up, up, up. We need to talk. Now."

Alex grabs his pants and slips them on as Zack, Rian, and Jack join us at the table. Rian grips his phone, awaiting a call. He looks like he hasn't gotten sleep in days. The clock on the microwave tells me it's almost 4 AM, later than the meeting was expected to run. Someone was arguing the fact that we should go home, need to go home.

"What's the verdict?" Zack asks.

Matt takes out his clipboard. "They want us to play this show today. Be normal about it, act as if this virus isn't even affecting us. And tomorrow morning everyone will have flights back home."

"Why would they do that?" Rian asks after the quiet has overcome us for a few minutes. "The number decrease at every show we play. People are either really sick or really fucking scared of getting sick. No one, no one will be here today."

"We don't know that." Matt explains. "We can't reschedule on such short notice. We'll be losing money to the venues, to the gas in the buses, to everything."

"I don't care!" Rian argues, suddenly angry. "Matt, I have a family! Cassadee is sick, really sick, and that means so is our baby. I have to get home."

Matt nods. "Understandable. And I fought for you, Rian. I told them about our situation, about the fact that we have Liam and Delilah and Jamie. Kellin fought for us too and so did everyone on the tour who has family with them. It's the overall coordinators."

Rian looks toward the window and then gets up, walking back toward the bunks. "Fine. Fine with me."

Matt shakes his head, continuing. "Once this thing has a cure, starts to diminish, we'll pick up the tour again. Hopefully it'll be before October."

"And that's all they said? Resume your daily routine, we'll ship you off tomorrow?" Alex asks. "I'm with Rian. We should just go home tonight. Who cares about the money?"

"Wasn't that long ago that you did." Matt mumbles.

Alex gives him a look like he could jump over the table and kill him. Zack puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Whatever, I guess I'll get some sleep before we play another show that no one will even come to." Alex replies under his breath, taking my hand and dragging me with him.

I crawl over Liam as Alex continues to complain the situation. I fall asleep just after he curses about Matt's money remark.

*****************************************************************

"Well thanks for coming everyone!" Alex shouts out to a group of 30 people, much less than normal. He finished up Dear Maria with the best smile he could manage, but you could tell it was forced, still angry because the show was being put on.

"T-13? We'll make our own STD!" Jack yells as he strums his guitar. The sign on the back reads, 'Fuck you T-13'. Rian beats angrily on his drums and the boys say one last goodbye before exiting the stage.

Alex takes Liam from me and walks quickly toward the booth we're stationed at today. "This is bull. It's not about the money. It's not even about us. It's about the fact that we're promoting the spread. This isn't safe. And do you see how many kids were out there? There are probably a hundred, if not more, sitting at home, sad because they missed their concert date. Just because the fucking coordinators were afraid of -"

"Badddd." Liam shakes his head and puts his finger on Alex's lips.

"Yes, bad. Don't repeat that one." Alex tells him, turning back to me and taking my hand with his free one. "We just put you at risk, Liam at risk, Delilah at risk, and more fans at risk. We just killed a kid's dream who couldn't come today because there's a warning out. This isn't okay."

"It wasn't 'we', Alex. It was 'them'. And after tonight, we'll be on a plane to Maryland, a little safer." I try to comfort him.

We reach the booth. Dead. No one around. It's an eery sight, being at such a large tour and seeing no one. No girls chasing after the boys. No one begging, fighting for a picture with Alex or Jack or for a hug from Rian or Zack. It was just a bunch of tents, an overwhelming silence, and the heat pounding on our necks.

We sit at the booth for the time expected of us. I count the people. Five. Five total. Vinny doesn't even bother taking shirts out of boxes. It's when we're helping load the trailer that Rian's phone rings. He quickly grabs for it, answering it in a stutter.

"C-Cass?... Yeah, how is it? Are you okay?... You're kidding. Okay don't panic, baby. You'll be fine... No, no, no, look, I'm going to be on a plane at 6 PM tonight... Everyone, yes... You're alright. I love you... I'll call you when I land."

Zack throws the last box into the trailer and dusts off his hands. "Is she okay?"

Rian shrugs. "They have no way of telling. They're keeping her for observation because of the baby. Until either a cure comes up or this thing lasts for another 72 hours. After that she's in the clear."

"Fingers crossed, Ri." Jack says, slapping him on the back.

I get a sudden light headed feeling and look down at my hands. Red from carrying all the instruments. The concussion advice is coming back.

"Alex," I lean into him, "I think I'm going to be sick."

He looks into my face. "Alright, come on. Too much lifting. Chill out in the bus until -"

I cough, wheezing, attempting to catch my breath. Alex reaches up, feeling my forehead. I shut my eyes and lean into him.

"Jack," he commands, "could you grab Liam? I'm not sure she can walk."

My eyes are still shut, but I hear Liam giggle and feel Alex sweep me up, carrying me up the steps, setting me in the bunk. He kisses my cheek and it feels cool against my hot face. My body aches and it feels good to lay limply into the mattress.

*****************************************************************

"Jamie, come on." Alex rubs my shoulder. "Let's go. There's a taxi waiting on us."

"Where?" I grumble.

"The airport." Alex feels my forehead. "No fever. Hmm."

"I'm fine." I lie. "I just - Can you - Will you -"

Alex picks me up, sighing. "Liam, take someone's hand. Uncle Matt, take Uncle Matt's hand."

"Thanks, babe." I whisper.

"I can't carry you in the airport like this, Jamie. You have to walk. They aren't going to let us board if they think you're sick - Oh my God."

"Alex don't." I argue as he sets me in the back seat. "I'm okay. I have a concussion."

He runs his hands through his hair. "You're right. No need to get into paranoid mode right now. Right buddy?"

Matt hands Liam to Alex who buckles him in. Liam smiles, laying his head into my lap. Alex watches cautiously over me until we reach the airport and I prove to him that I'm a little wobbly, but I can manage. Alex scoops Liam up, tipping the guy who picks up our suitcases, and jokes a little with Jack as we scurry through security.

I recall all the times before when we did this. Jack and Alex always cracking some sort of dirty joke while I played mom, following behind them, making sure Jack remembered that his belt had medal on it. It was before Liam, we were just kids. We were still kids. I take that in. Young, in love, maybe not as wild, but just as alive. Jack's says something that makes the entire group laugh, like a song striking the right chords in my mind. I smile as we board the plane, taking our seats.

Alex points out the window once Liam is safe to be unbuckled. "See down there? All the lights? It's beautiful, Liam."

I kiss Alex's cheek. "They are beautiful."

He smiles at me. "You're beautiful."

Liam presses his nose to the window and pulls back quickly, causing Alex to jump. He gives me a hesitant look and then it happens. Liam sneezes once and begins to cry. Alex and I glance at each other, the look in our eyes says it all. I shake my head and wipe Liam's nose with a tissue.

"Did you -" Alex begins.

"Yes, I know." I nod. "But you're paranoid, Alex. One little sneeze."

Until the second one, three seconds later.

Alex raises his eyebrows at me in worry. He hands Liam his blanket and sings him to sleep quietly. All the while, glancing at me. Just one little sneeze.