Can't Let You Float Away

"How was he?" I ask Jack as I scoop Liam up into my arms. It's late afternoon and I hadn't intended on leaving him with Jack for so long, but after months of close to zero alone time, Alex and I were taking every moment in.

Jack avoids eye contact with me for nearly an entire minute. "Fine."

"Fine? Just fine?" I ask looking into Liam's little face. His cheeks are flaming a crimson color and he breathes from his mouth because his nose is too stuffed to use.

Jack shrugs. "Look Jamie, he was sneezing a little when i got him. I didn't think much of it until it was 2 AM and he was crying so hard that I'm surprised the entire city didn't call CPS on me. I... I think it's just a cold."

My heart freezes in my chest as Liam lays his head down on my shoulder. I consider the words I'm going to use when I tell Alex we're at the hospital. I bite my lip. "Jack, I'm going to the hospital, right now."

"There are hundreds of sick people there, Jamie! Liam doesn't have the virus. I know he doesn't. He can't, alright?" Jack has desperation seeping from every pore in his body. "But if you take him to the hospital, he could catch it. Please don't - "

"Are you coming with me?" I ignore him, gripping my keys in the palm of my hand.

Jack blinks. He picks the diaper bag off the floor and takes Liam from my arms. He walks to my car in silence, buckling Liam in and leaning his head against the car seat.

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"I knew I should've done something earlier. I shouldn't have let Liam stay on the tour. Why am I such an idiot?" Alex collapses into a waiting room chair, placing his head into his hands. He looks up, scanning the room. "Can someone please get my kid a room?!"

"Alex, we've been here fifteen minutes." I murmur. "They're working on it."

"Not hard enough." A part of me knows just how right he is. There was a thin sheet separating those who needed a bed, but were not yet threatened enough to need a room. We had been promised that because Liam was so young, we'd be given a room in the pediatric ward, but how long would it be? And how long would it take that virus to travel through a thin layer of sheet and into the air we were breathing in at this very moment?

"Gaskarth, Liam?" A nurse calls from the doorway.

Jack is quick to stand, making sure Liam keeps on the hospital mask we were given at the front desk. I take Alex's hand as we follow the nurse behind the door and into an elevator.

"Under normal circumstances, we would have Liam first examined before admitted. Because of the T-13 Virus, we're going to admit him and keep him for observation until we're sure this is just a cold." She smiles at Jack. "No need to worry."

The pediatric ward is the fourth floor. No children wander the hallways. Art work is hung on the wall and I quickly peer into the library. Lights off, one lamp in the corner of the room showcases some beanbags. The nurse pulls us into a bright blue room with stars painted on the ceiling, assuring us the doctor will be along shortly.

"I hate hospitals." Alex whispers. I grip his hand more firmly.

Liam begins to cry as Jack sits on the hospital bed. He tries his best to rock him back and forth, but in the end, he ends up with Alex singing softly while pacing the room with him. I mentally hit myself for not packing an extra sippy. The knock on the door makes the sobbing and screaming start all over and Alex groans.

A woman who looks to be my mother's age steps into the room. She looks like she hasn't slept in days and like she's experienced enough frantic parents and sick babies in the last week to be sufficient for a lifetime. She gives me a weak smile.

"Dr. Rose." She shakes our hands. "Mrs. Gaskarth?"

I nod. "Jamie."

Alex shakes her hand and introduces himself and Jack as his brother. She reaches for Liam who is still wrapped up in hysterics and settles for Alex calming him down and holding him for the rest of the examination.

"When did he start showing signs?"

"Three days ago." I answer. "But he was exposed to so many people in the last month that we can't say whether or not he was actually in contact with someone carrying the virus."

Dr. Rose grimaces. She checks Liam's ears as she continues. "And has he ever been severely sick before?"

I shake my head. "Every kid gets the runny nose, but other than the common normal illnesses, Liam's never been a sick baby. He's always so energetic and he doesn't cry like this. Not ever."

"Every sign points to nasopharyngitis, also known as the common cold." She looks at me as if to get her next sentence across strictly. "But as I'm sure you know, this is how all the victims of T-13 have began."

"What are the odds it isn't the virus?" Alex interjects. "That this is nothing and we're being crazy parents?"

Dr. Rose doesn't answer directly. "Better safe than sorry."

I shut my eyes, feeling as if I'm going to throw up. I twist my new ring around my finger in nervousness. "You're keeping him here then?"

"I would say that's best. I also think that you should contact anyone Liam has had significant contact with in the last week and tell them to look for symptoms amongst themselves. For now, I'm going to give him some baby aspirin to help with the sleep, the aches, et cetera." She walks toward the door. "A nurse will check in every few hours, but if things begin to progress, I expect you'll ask for me urgently."

I nod. "Thank you."

Dr. Rose's pocket beeps and she excuses herself, smiling with so little effort that I'd have taken it as rude if the current circumstances weren't underway. We sit in silence, listening to Liam's after tantrum hiccups until they slowly diminish and all we're left with is the occasional scream down the hallway.

"Alex." I nudge him as he lays still beside Jack in the hospital bed, wondering how to grown men managed to fit themselves in a pediatric bed with a toddler.

"Hmm?"

"Cassadee. Is she here?"

Alex sits up, careful not to shake Liam or Jack. "I don't know. Rian hasn't called since yesterday."

I take out my phone. "Should I -"

Alex nods and I begin to dial the familiar number. A picture of Delilah lights my phone up to inform me that I'm calling Rian. He answers on the fourth ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ri. I was just checking up on Cass and Delilah."

"Guess I should've texted you, huh? Cassadee is home. She's on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy, which is only a little over a month now, but they said she's getting better instead of worse. And no blood in the bodily fluids, able to keep food down. Doesn't look like T-13." Rian laughs a little in joy.

I smile despite the fact that he can't see it. "That's great. Give her my love, okay? I'll visit as soon as possible."

"I'll tell her. How's Liam doing? Alex still in psycho parent mode?"

The smile on my face quickly disappears. "Um... Rian... that's partially why I called. Liam's in the hospital. Just today. We think... No... We're taking precaution, but we aren't sure..."

"Oh no." There's quiet on the line. Alex looks like he's about to throw up.

"But I don't want you to worry. Liam will be okay. Don't bring Delilah around, or Cass. We don't want them to catch a bug." I gulp down the lump in my throat.

"Jamie, he's okay. Give it three days. Three days and this will all be something we can laugh about."

I curl myself into Alex's chest as he loops his arms around my shoulders. "I hope so, Ri. I hope so..."

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I wrap the sheets from the hospital bed closer around me and reach forward to pull Liam in closer like a teddy bear. Instead I feel the bar of the bed. Groggily I turn over and again touch emptiness. I sit up, throwing the sheets off of me and feeling the cold soak in through my clothes. Someone turned the light off in the middle of the night and I'm standing in pitch darkness. I feel my way toward the switch and a single ceiling light slowly comes to life.

The room is empty. Alex's jacket is tossed over a chair and I grab it, holding it in my arms as if it will lead the way to them. I open the door to reveal the hallway of the hospital. The lights seem to have been dimmed and I wonder if this is how it is every night here. I walk down the hallway, back the way we came.

Tiny hand prints dash the walls with names written beneath them. I graze my fingers across them as my eyes adjust to the light. The library door ahead is open and I have a feeling that they're in here. I stagger through, feeling my way across bookshelves. I slip on something, landing hard on my back. As I manage to pull myself up, I squint to get a better look at whatever my hand is covered in. Dark liquid, warm and smelling like copper. I cough, rubbing it off onto my jeans.

"Alex? Jack?" I call. In response I hear the sharp sobbing noise of my son. I shake my head and try to remember that the boys like pranks, at the expense of anyone. But why did they pour stuff onto the floor?

"Liam, come to mommy! Follow my voice, honey." I call, walking through bookshelves. His shadow is darting between them and I can never seem to catch him. I reach the last row of shelves. Liam is curled into a ball against them. He peers into my face as I bend down to his level. "Where's Daddy and Uncle Jack?"

Liam points his finger at the observation room just a few feet away. The door is ajar, but the lights are off. I kiss the top of Liam's head. "Stay put."

Step by step, slowly, I tiptoe to the room. The smell of copper hits me hard as I step in the doorway. I turn on the light, ready to make a smart remark about how stupid the two of them are. The room lights up, revealing the copper smell. On the walls, on the tile, on the doorknobs, and over the window. I turn away, staring at the palms of my hands. Crimson. Liquid. Copper.

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When I wake up Liam is curled onto my chest, fast asleep. Someone had turned off the light in the middle of the night, but a lamp in the corner reveals Jack asleep on the pullout. I turn to my other side. Alex faces me, his breath slowly pushing my hair from my face. I try hard to catch my breath.

"Baby, please wake up." I shake Alex.

"Jamie, wha?" He mumbles.

I gently peel Liam off of me to lay beside me so that I can scoot into my fiance. "I was just thinking that the library is closed, right?"

"What?" Alex opens his eyes. "Yeah, I guess. It's like two in the morning."

"And so you've been here... we've been here the entire night?"

He looks at me like I'm crazy. "Did you have another nightmare? Jamie, these have to stop. It's not normal to keep dreaming about -"

"I know. I'm just scared. I just... I feel sick." I look into his eyes with every bit of the terror I still felt.

Alex kisses my cheek. "We're okay. Now go back to sleep."

With that, he curls his hand over my arm and falls back into slumber. I stare at the shut door and shiver, feeling a migraine creeping on.