Blood

Blood.

Chapter 32.

I simply cannot believe i am finally graduating! It seems to me like it was yesterday when this hell called high school started. This year has been by far the craziest i have ever had,even crazier than when i lost my mom. What with all the things my dad did and me meeting Gerard and the guys. I can't be thankful enough to these people that saved me from the awful life i used to have. I am proud to say that since meeting and falling in love with Gee, i haven't self-harmed nor have i ever though of doing it again. He basically saved my life, I could have been dead by now. You know i used to believe that when i died it would be either because my dad killed me or because i took my own life. I used to have suicidal thoughts every single second of my life since my mother died but i was never brave enough to actually do it. And to think that everything has changed so dramatically over the past few moths,it's just plain crazy. Now i don't want to die,i want to live. I want to live with Gerard and my grandma and all those who make me happy cause there is nothing better than feeling alive when you have people that love you so much around you. So with the arrival of graduation Gerard and i have decided that we are gonna take a gap year,maybe find a job or something,enjoy our love and our free time together. When that year is over we are gonna go to college in New York together. Gerard to an art school and me probably in a counseling school or something. We are both so happy and excited about our plan although lately Gerard has been acting a bit weird. I can't pin point what it's bothering him exactly but i try not to over think about it. It could be nothing serious really just graduation nerves i suppose.
It wasn't a day after we had graduated that i suspected something fishy in his attitude. He was all anxious and jumpy all the time and not to mention he was sweating like a pig. That was clearly a sign that something was totally wrong with Gerard. He never sweat like that unless something really big was bothering him.
I was in my room bored out of my freaking mind and flipping through some of the comic books Gee has given me. I have read them a million times by now but what can one do when bored? So i was flipping through the pages when my cell phone started ringing.
"Bored person speaking."i mumbled into the phone.
"Hey Frankie. So listen i was thinking of going out to eat at that nice Indian restaurant,what do you think?" I heard Gerard's voice ask me.
"Oh hey Gee sure I'm in. Are we meeting there or are you picking me up?"i asked while picking on the flesh of my finger.
"I'll be by your house at 19:00 be ready."he said.
"That's fine with me. See you then. Love you."
"Love you too."he said back and hang up. He sounded a bit worried and cold but i decided to shrug it off.
I checked my phone for the time.
17:15
"Time to start getting ready."i said to my self out loud and hopped into the shower.
When 19:00 o'clock arrived i heard the honk of a car from outside the house. It must be Gee i thought to myself and ran out the door after saying goodbye to my beloved grandma. I was right it was Gee,when i saw him i kinda sighed with relief he was smiling one of those big smiles of his like he used to before he got all weird.
"Hey babe."i said and leaned in to place a kiss on his smiling lips. He gave me a quick kiss back and pulled away immediately.
"Is there something wrong?"i asked worried as his face had now returned to that frown he always has lately.
"No we just have to go."he turned his face away from me and focused on the road ahead before starting the car and taking off. Something was definitely wrong I just knew it.
Once we were at the restaurant and we ordered and ate in silence. When we were done i decided to confront him.
"Gee call me crazy but i am getting some bad vibes and i thing that there is something wrong and you are not telling be about it."I said sincerely.
"No i told you before everything is fine."he said while avoiding my eyes.
"Did i do something wrong? Did i say something that hurt you? Cause if i did i am sorry. I hate seeing you like this Gerard."i said and reached to take his hand on the table.
That's when he started crying.
"I'm sorry."he said between sobs.
"Gee why are you crying?"i asked my voice full of worry while i moved my chair in order to seat next to him and hold him in my arms.
"Frank i have something to tell you. Something that i feel really awful about."he said pushing me away a bit and looking deep into my eyes.
"Gerard you are scaring me."i admitted.
"Lets go outside for a bit."
"But we have to..."i started to say but he cut me off.
"I paid for it in advance."he reminded me and we walked outside.
"Okay now spill Gee or else i am gonna kick you."i threatened him.
"You will kick me anyway."he said making me worry even more. Had he cheated on me or something?
"Did you cheat on me?"i asked voicing out my thoughts.
"No. I would never do that. Not that. Just remember when we decided to take a year off?"he asked.
"Yeah."i answered.
"Well at first i wanted it too but then i got a letter from Art school saying that i got a scholarship and that i had to go once i finished high school. At first i wasn't sure if i wanted it cause i wanted to stay here with you but...You know my family isn't rich and art school is not cheap so.."
"So you had to take the scholarship."i said looking at him with shocked eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me?"i asked.
"I didn't know how to and i wanted to spend the rest of my time here with you like we always were before leaving." His words pierced my heart like a knife. He was leaving without me. He was leaving me.
"Okay well we still have time i can try to find a job and come with you and maybe get a flat there."i said.
"You don't understand Frank,there is no time."he said.
"What do you mean when are you leaving?"i asked.
"Tomorrow morning."he looked down.
"I-"he started but i cut him off.
"Save it Gerard. I don't want to hear anything. You could have told me earlier but you didn't and that means you don't want me there."i yelled.
"You don't get it Frankie i don't need destruction i need to do my best.'he said.
"Oh now Gerard i get it. I would only be in your way it's not like i would do something with myself no,i would be there 'destructing' you and being an obstacle of meeting sane people without crazy dad's and aunt's. Someone who doesn't have a sad life and has the words useless faggot carved in his arms."i screamed at the top of my lugs.
"I am sorry Frankie i didn't want to hurt you. I love you."he said.
"Well guess what you did and now please leave you have get ready to leave for your new life experience tomorrow."i said bitterly with hurt all over my voice and tears streaming down my face.
"Please Frankie let me at least drive you home."he said defeated.
"Oh bite me Gee. Leave i am capable of going back myself i don't need your help for anything you know."i sobbed.
"I am truly sorry."he said and disappeared into his car and then into the into the dark.
I sat there sobbing for a while. How could he do this to me? He could at least have told me about it sooner i would have let him go and i would understand if he didn't want me there but i can't believe he hid it form me. I am sure i overreacted a bit but still he hurt me. I guess this is my first love gone bad. Break ups hurt a lot.
"Hello?"Ray asked into the phone when he picked up my call.
"Ray? Could you please pick me up? I am at the Indian restaurant near your house."i said while sobbing still.
"Frank? What happened is everything alright?"he asked sounding worried.
"No. Could you please pick me up? I will explain everything to you i promise."i promised him.
"Okay,okay i'm coming just stay where you are and try to calm down. I will be there in a few."he said and hang up.
How could everything go from perfect to chaos in just a few hours? How am i supposed to go on without Gerard now? I may have said that i didn't need his help all the time but we all know that it's not true. I just need him by my side. Life sucks!