Accept Me or Except Me

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?” I screamed.

I was expecting an answer, but Matt had already… removed himself from Lee and was under the covers. Lee just stayed where he was, stunned. I looked at Matt, who looked so ashamed, so regretful. All I could see in Lee’s eyes was shock.

He fell. He fell off the bed and was unconscious by the time I got to him. He must have drunk too much! Why didn’t I just stay? It wasn’t as if I’d bump into Alice every step I took! Even though I kind of hated Matt at the moment, he politely pulled on some boxer briefs, handed some for me to put on Lee, and helped me carry him to my car. Most people had either passed out or had gone home at this point, so we didn’t get any awkward questions.

I got into the car, and was surprised when Matt joined me, still in his underwear. I was about to ask when it hit me that he needed to get home too, to the other part of town. I sighed and dropped him off at his house. He was silent and regretful. Of course he was fucking regretful! He’d taken advantage of Lee! My Lee.

I got home and placed Lee on my bed. I didn’t bother to undress and I collapsed. Waiting for the next day. Waiting for an explanation. Waiting for an answer. Am I going to lose Lee?

* * *

I woke up to find Lee was puking in the bathroom. He looked terrible. His curly hair was all over the place, and he was shaking, his head hovering over the toilet seat, waiting in agony for the next load of vomit to spew from his mouth. I was mad at Lee, of course I was, but I wanted to help him out of his hangover. If things are as bad as they look, then Lee and I would have broken up. Despite this, I needed him. Who else did I have?

I sat down on the edge of the bathroom and massaged the small of his still bare back. After a few minutes, he stayed in the same position, waiting, but nothing came. He was about to get up when he saw me. He looked deep into my eyes and I could see the pain and apology in his eyes. But… it seemed more personal than I thought. It looked like he wasn’t sorry for what Matt did, but what he did.

“Lee, did you make the first move?”

“I, uh…”

“Lee! I know you were drunk but I thought…”

“You thought Matt would do something like that to me? It was my fault, Danny, and if you hate me, then that’s fine, but you do not take this out on Matt, do you understand?”

“But he let you…”

“Danny, you were in the same position, remember? He let me do it because he’s confused about his sexuality, like you were back at the lodge. He let me do it because maybe he thought it was the only gay experience he’d have!”

“Why would he think…?”

“Danny! You are such an idiot! You were the exact same person he is now; the only difference is that you beat him to the chase. You came out before, you got me. He didn’t. He didn’t even get to finish for god’s sake! He thinks he’s alone, Danny. He doesn’t realize how many gays and bis there are, so let me go to him. Let me help him.”

I stared at him in shock. That was such an emotional and moving speech! It was true, as well! I groaned as I realized that Lee might have been helping out a friend who was confused. Maybe it wasn’t too late. But that’s all it was. A maybe.

“Lee, you don’t have feelings for him, do you?”

“A little, but that’s only because we’ve been friends for years. If I had more, I would have broken up with you by now!”

“Were you just helping him out, or were you just drunk?”

“A bit of both. Can you please just help me get dressed and drive me over to his?”

“Can I kiss you now?”

“Have we made up?” he asked, meaning it.

“I forgive you will all my heart, Lee. Just don’t do it again, OK?”

“I love you so much!”

We kissed. It was disgusting. I opened my mouth, but Lee kept his shut. I was about to force my tongue in when I tasted the still strong taste of vomit, I removed it and let us have the best closed-mouth kiss we’d ever had.

I dressed him, since he was still having that hangover. Once he was dressed, I led him down to the kitchen to give him plenty of water. Once he’d gone to the bathroom to pee, he was good to go. We got into my car, and I called shotgun.

“You aren’t driving?”

“You might need the car. You need to get used to it!”

I handed him the keys, and he closed his hands around it. We kissed again, and it tasted so much better than the last one. I didn’t want to stop.