Accept Me or Except Me

Fifteen minutes after running into Danny, I got out of the nurse’s office soon enough with an ice pack. This is so new to me. I wasn’t exactly popular, but I had respect, and that’s gone thanks to Pete. I trudged along to History, but as I got there the teacher saw me and demanded I tell him what happened.

“You’ll make the class late, Mr Howells!”

“I don’t care. What happened to your face? Who did that to you?”

I stalled. I didn’t mean to ramble, but I did. I said all the wrong things and after a while Mr Howells just said:

“Just give me a name and a reason, Lee. You’re one of my favourite students! You aced my test!”

“Danny Jockling, sir. He did because… because I’m gay.”

His face fell. He pretended he didn’t care but I could see his respect going too. His eyes turned away and he told me to get to class real quick. I stepped through the door and the class went silent. Some knew my news; I could see it in their faces. Some people were worried. I couldn’t tell if they were worried for me or whether they hadn’t heard yet. I sat silently in my seat as Mr Howells stood at the front of the class.
He began the lecture and the class groaned but got to work really quickly. I sunk back into the Second World War and I couldn’t take it. Mr Howells emphasised the gays’ isolation and killings, as well as the Jews. At the end of the class we got our tests back.

I could tell that one of my favourite teachers hated me now too. It was clear. He’d given me an F.

* * *

I got home from my first day of school as an openly gay kid. I hated it. Only Matt sat by me at lunch, and he wasn’t exactly rewarded for that by the others but it meant a lot to me. I lied down on my bed and sighed. It’d been a long day of torture, and now I had to face my parents. They can’t stop living normally now, can they?

Danny’d been worse today. I’d seen him beat up people before, but it felt different than it must have been for the other victims. I mean, he was repulsed by me, and no-one had been like that towards me. Ever. I sighed again. Danny…

I thought about how his muscly arms moved as he hit me. Was it bad that I thought he was hot? I mean, I could actually think it to myself now that I knew I was gay, but still. I hadn’t thought of anyone else like I thought of him before. I hadn’t bothered with him, even though we shared a lot of classes, but lately I’ve found myself staring at him. I looked at his perfect eyelashes, the way that you could see his toned arm even though he had a shirt on and his fit shape made his jawline noticeable and sexy. My god, he was beautiful.

I heard the door as it shut behind my mom, who had undoubtedly come home from work. I ran to the stairs so she wouldn’t be able to dismiss me. I needed my mom.

“Mom?” I asked quietly.

She looked at me like I’d walked into something private, but I knew it was because she wasn’t ready.

“Can you excuse me for a moment please, Lee?”

She moved past me on the stairs. I couldn’t believe she was still so upset. Well, I understood, but I couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t she love thy neighbor? Especially since I’m family! I guess she won’t know the kind of love I want.

I was about to retire once again to my bedroom when my father came through the door, exhausted after another service. He was tired, but he became stiff immediately after seeing me on the stairs. He sat down on the couch in the living area of our open-plan house. I was intending on going to retire again, but he called me to the living room.

“Lee, your mother’s going on a holiday getaway with her book club. Meanwhile, I’m doing a summer school workshop with the kids down there. That means you’ll be staying with your mom at the house, but you’ll be with someone else.”

“Why?”

“One of the other members has a kid who can’t stay elsewhere either.”

“Who does?” I asked stupidly.

“You don’t know her. Her name’s Ms. Jockling.”