Status: I'm not writing that frequently at the moment, but I'm trying. I'd love some comments, or any kind of feedback! :D
Accept Me or Except Me
Rumor Has It - Lee
What the fuck did I do? Danny didn’t pull away from me, but he looked away. Something was wrong. I didn’t know what to do, except ask.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“Don’t call me that.”
He’d had enough. He didn’t want to see me again. This whole vacation had been a dream and it’s time to wake up. I got it. I didn’t pull away either, wanting to remember the feel off him while I could, but there was tension. This tension was the bad kind. It was so uncomfortable I just wanted to be left alone, but I didn’t dare moved. I just sighed and bared it. There was a knock at the door.
“Danny, sweetie, we’re leaving with Lee’s mom. Is that OK?”
“I guess,” he grumbled.
Danny went to the small bathroom to get dressed so I couldn’t see him do it. Damn. I dressed myself, and soon we were in the car with suitcases in the trunk full of old memories.
* * *
I walked through the front doors of school the next morning, and the loud chatter died out immediately. There wasn’t one student who wasn’t looking at me. It wasn’t like it was normally. Usually they’d glance at me and get on with their business, but today they stared for minutes before I was out of eyesight. I heard the chatter starting up again slowly.
It was a Tuesday, the morning after our stay at the lodge had finished. It began on Friday and finished on Monday, so school was a shock to the system. The strangeness of everyone else certainly didn’t help. People continued staring at me as I walked down the hall until I saw Danny. The people in the part of the hall he was in didn’t even glance my way as he was there. It seemed he was more important, but still, it wasn’t normal for everyone to be looking at him like… like I had on Saturday morning.
Before I could say anything, Matt popped in front of me. He was straight, as far as I knew, and he acted like it. He was just really clingy.
“Hey, Lee! I missed you. I was a loner at lunch.”
“I can imagine. Do you know what’s up with everyone staring at me and Danny? It’s a bit weird. Sorry, I’m being a little mild. It’s quite a fucking lot weird.”
He laughed. “There are rumors going around that Danny’s gay…”
I froze, zoning out for a second, but I tried to listen to Matt, since what he was saying was important.
“… and they’re saying that Josh said that he’d been trying to get with girls but failing…”
‘That’s what his sex life is like,’ I thought. ‘Failing? That makes him at least a seven and a half. Most likely a nine, or even a ten, like me.’
“… and everyone’s looking at you since it’s no secret that you two shared a lodge this weekend.”
I laughed. “As if I, of all people, could get with Danny Jockling. Get real.”
“I know! That’s what I said!”
I sighed. Matt didn’t mean to be such an airhead. He just agreed with what I said, but I know he meant it. I couldn’t blame him for doubting it. Hell, I was doing more doubting before! Now… I don’t even know.
* * *
As I got home, I realized that I had a shit ton of thinking to do. Danny obviously didn’t want to continue anything. He made that clear from the start, but why did he just stop caring in the middle of a conversation? Maybe he really was a douche.
I thought about the endless times we’d had together in the lodge. We spent every day in the room. No-one bothered us. No-one cared enough to ask why we were there all the time. I guess Danny’s mom was the kind of mom mine was until I came out, so she was bothered, maybe. She was probably just wrapped up in the book club’s activities.
I didn’t think about them, though. I thought about Danny and us as the couple we were. I thought about how he kissed me, his hands running through my crazy hair. After Saturday, I didn’t bother putting gel on it. Only Danny saw it, and it felt better when he rushed his fingers through my curly hair.
I thought about how he stared at me. He did it so many times, it made me feel… It made me feel wanted for the first time in my life. Yeah, sure people have liked me and my parents they kinda love me, right? But never had anyone wanted me as badly as Danny did.
It made me feel all kinds of sick thinking about the way we kissed each other, stared at each other, made out with each other and make out in other places…
I finally realized why Danny was acting the way he was. He stopped wanting me the minute I told him I loved him.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“Don’t call me that.”
He’d had enough. He didn’t want to see me again. This whole vacation had been a dream and it’s time to wake up. I got it. I didn’t pull away either, wanting to remember the feel off him while I could, but there was tension. This tension was the bad kind. It was so uncomfortable I just wanted to be left alone, but I didn’t dare moved. I just sighed and bared it. There was a knock at the door.
“Danny, sweetie, we’re leaving with Lee’s mom. Is that OK?”
“I guess,” he grumbled.
Danny went to the small bathroom to get dressed so I couldn’t see him do it. Damn. I dressed myself, and soon we were in the car with suitcases in the trunk full of old memories.
* * *
I walked through the front doors of school the next morning, and the loud chatter died out immediately. There wasn’t one student who wasn’t looking at me. It wasn’t like it was normally. Usually they’d glance at me and get on with their business, but today they stared for minutes before I was out of eyesight. I heard the chatter starting up again slowly.
It was a Tuesday, the morning after our stay at the lodge had finished. It began on Friday and finished on Monday, so school was a shock to the system. The strangeness of everyone else certainly didn’t help. People continued staring at me as I walked down the hall until I saw Danny. The people in the part of the hall he was in didn’t even glance my way as he was there. It seemed he was more important, but still, it wasn’t normal for everyone to be looking at him like… like I had on Saturday morning.
Before I could say anything, Matt popped in front of me. He was straight, as far as I knew, and he acted like it. He was just really clingy.
“Hey, Lee! I missed you. I was a loner at lunch.”
“I can imagine. Do you know what’s up with everyone staring at me and Danny? It’s a bit weird. Sorry, I’m being a little mild. It’s quite a fucking lot weird.”
He laughed. “There are rumors going around that Danny’s gay…”
I froze, zoning out for a second, but I tried to listen to Matt, since what he was saying was important.
“… and they’re saying that Josh said that he’d been trying to get with girls but failing…”
‘That’s what his sex life is like,’ I thought. ‘Failing? That makes him at least a seven and a half. Most likely a nine, or even a ten, like me.’
“… and everyone’s looking at you since it’s no secret that you two shared a lodge this weekend.”
I laughed. “As if I, of all people, could get with Danny Jockling. Get real.”
“I know! That’s what I said!”
I sighed. Matt didn’t mean to be such an airhead. He just agreed with what I said, but I know he meant it. I couldn’t blame him for doubting it. Hell, I was doing more doubting before! Now… I don’t even know.
* * *
As I got home, I realized that I had a shit ton of thinking to do. Danny obviously didn’t want to continue anything. He made that clear from the start, but why did he just stop caring in the middle of a conversation? Maybe he really was a douche.
I thought about the endless times we’d had together in the lodge. We spent every day in the room. No-one bothered us. No-one cared enough to ask why we were there all the time. I guess Danny’s mom was the kind of mom mine was until I came out, so she was bothered, maybe. She was probably just wrapped up in the book club’s activities.
I didn’t think about them, though. I thought about Danny and us as the couple we were. I thought about how he kissed me, his hands running through my crazy hair. After Saturday, I didn’t bother putting gel on it. Only Danny saw it, and it felt better when he rushed his fingers through my curly hair.
I thought about how he stared at me. He did it so many times, it made me feel… It made me feel wanted for the first time in my life. Yeah, sure people have liked me and my parents they kinda love me, right? But never had anyone wanted me as badly as Danny did.
It made me feel all kinds of sick thinking about the way we kissed each other, stared at each other, made out with each other and make out in other places…
I finally realized why Danny was acting the way he was. He stopped wanting me the minute I told him I loved him.
♠ ♠ ♠
I love how often I've been posting. I usually don't write this much in three days, but there you are! So, please tell me if you like it. I love your feedback.Remember, I love all kinds of feedback, good or bad. Give it to me baby.