Cowards Are Golden

Dan stared at himself in the fogged up mirror and couldn’t help but to frown. His acne was coming back ten-fold and it made him insecure as a motherfucker. He often wondered how anybody could find him attractive when his face looked like the pepperoni pizza he had eaten the night before. As the distraught man began to wipe his face clean with the medicated cloth, his mate Josh burst through the door laughing hysterically.

“Dan, those bloody idiots are at it again. Fucking – Oh, man,” Josh attempted to catch his breath as he grabbed onto Dan’s shoulders; shaking him playfully. “The fucking wankers pissed in Max’s brew and he fucking drank it.”

Even though in the previous moment Dan was coming down pretty hard on himself, he couldn’t help but laugh at his best friend’s anecdote. “Is he sloshed or what?”

“Mate, he’s more than sloshed. Poor bloke will be paying for it tomorrow, eh?”

“I’d say so.” Dan turned his attention back what he had been previously doing. He grabbed the dry wash rag to the left of him and began to pat his face dry. Sometimes he wished that his acne would go away with the snap of his fingers; that would never be the case though.

Josh stopped at the exit of the small bathroom and gave Dan a look full of curiosity, “You alright?”

“I think I’m just a little homesick.” Dan shot his best friend a thumbs up and smiled brightly, “Don’t worry about me.”

For the most part it was true; the whole being homesick thing. Dan wasn’t used to being so far away from his home in Surrey. When You Me At Six were doing shows around the UK, things weren’t so bad. If there was an emergency, he could be there within hours. Being in the United States made him so nervous. It could take a day to get home if anything came up. It was hard to even keep in touch with anybody from back in Surrey because of the time difference. Dan usually dealt with it just fine though, except for today.

That wasn’t exactly what began this feeling of dread in the pit of Dan’s stomach though. It was the fact that he would never feel comfortable in his own skin. He would never be able to love somebody else because he couldn’t even admit that he loved the person that he was. A lot of people had this same problem, but Dan always thought he had to be the only one. In a way that made him seem very selfish, but Daniel didn’t want to care about that. Maybe somewhere inside of himself, he wanted people to feel sorry for him.

Josh raised his eyebrow before he began to speak, “I can see right through the act, Flint.” The broad man closed the door to the tour bus’ bathroom and leaned against the back of it. “We all get a little homesick, mate, but you are acting right strange.”

“It’s not really something you would want to hear,” Dan gripped the sink tightly. “It’s just going to make me sound like a fucking pansy.”

“Dan, but you are a fucking pansy!” Josh shooed Dan with his hand, “Now get on with it!”

The boy took a deep breath and looked up at Josh through gritted teeth, “Do not laugh at me, Josh. I fucking mean it.”

“I promise,” the shaggy haired one said as he tucked his hands into his pockets. “But if you don’t hurry up and tell me, they’re gonna think we’re shagging.”

“I’m just tired of being alone. You have Abigail. Max is always with Christine. Everybody but me seems to have somebody and I’m just sitting here like, ‘I guess I’ll just have a good wank.’”

Josh couldn’t help but to bust out into a fit of laughter, “If you want a fit bird so bad, why not go get yourself one, eh?”

Dan leaned his back up against the sink and rested his head on the mirror, “I don’t want it to be just any bird. I want it to be somebody that understands me and my lifestyle. You know, like how Abigail gets you.”

Josh quickly pulled his hands out of the denim pockets and placed them on each of his mate’s shoulders, “I will find you a bint by the end of Warped if it kills me.”