Silent Temper

The living room in Whitney's cottage has two pale couches, with a glass coffee table between them. In the middle of the room, there is a large circular fireplace adorned with steel inlays. By the couches there is another fireplace, and above it a mirror that turns into a television. Green lush plants are everywhere, and some of them are disguised light fixtures. James pads over to sit next to Jan on the second couch. He was wearing a white short sleeved shirt that hugs his muscles, and grey sweat pants that make him look like a model- at least in my eyes. He's supposed to be a senior in college, getting his arts degree.

“So, what are you guys doing with a bottle of mom’s Krug?” James asks, hinting a smile under his pale freckles, about a hundred times lighter than mine. “You are under the legal age," Now turning to his sister, "That's not cool, Whit.” The comment made me and Jan stiffen. What was he planning? Was he going to tell? Tahnee wasn’t listening, she was texting a boy she liked and she had her headphones on, oblivious to the world around her. I nudged her, and she straightened up.

The girls and I had started this sleepover ritual about the time when Jan’s dad died. At first these sleepovers were to perk her up, get her to have a good time through everything else. Now it was just for fun. Jan had started to tear up once James figured out what was going on. I didn’t want James to hurt her; she had been through enough of pain already, but I didn't think he was like that.

“Unless, of course...” Tahnee had given him her full attention, looking almost the polar opposite of Whitney- who didn't look worried at all. She knew him better then all of us, and if anyone could sense what was going to happen next- it would be her, and that made me relax my shoulders a bit. "You let me join in!" A shrill of unexpected laughter broke free of him, as if he had been holding it all in for a thousand years.

“Oh, you nearly gave Jan a heart attack!” Whitney playfully shoved her brother, and to me it looked like two puppies playing with their talons out. (Cute, but dangerous.) "What are you doing home? You weren't supposed to get back for another week, for Christmas break, right?"

Once James spoke, much to my heart's desire (And confusion. Surely he hadn't looked to me like that the last time I saw him?), he noticed me and said, “I decided to come home early.” Oh. That smile, is it that smile that had a direct line to my libido? Could something like that happen? … What is this man doing to me? Do.. do I have a crush on James? “Nothing can stop me when I want something bad enough..” His tone was becoming a little sinister. Turning his head away, exclaiming, "Well..” My eyes dart to the floor, searching for answers. Can I have a crush on James? Glancing to Whitney, she’s no help, and I’m trying to understand. Tahnee, who I now noticed, had her lips parted and- as if transfixed- eyes dilated. Oh. Oh, wow, that hurts. Pangs of jealousy rang through me- don't stare at him like that! ... Wow, this girls ready. Does she really flit that easily between persons? I can't imagine.

James turns to look at me and smiles; I think to myself, ‘Why do you keep doing that?’… ‘Does he know what’s happening inside my.. erm, panties?’ To that sleepover I purposely wore a mini skirt, and- if that smile tells anything- James knew it. How long has this silent affair been going on, under my radar? “How about it, Miah? Would you like.. to play a game?” he was mocking both me and Whitney at the same time. I wondered how he did it. He gave me one of those “I know you want to.” stares. He was right, I did want to, but why? What else does he know about me, the things I don’t even know about myself? Now the thought gave me the chills. “Jan, Tahnee?” They nodded. I could tell that Tahnee was excited. Jan on the other hand just plain looked scared. I pitied her, but I am scared too- just differently. A rush of anxiety and adrenaline pulls through me. Wow, god this is intense. Jan starts to say something, but James shuts her up by continuing- “Don’t be so afraid. It’s just a little.. poker.”