You Found Me

“Are you okay?” Diana asked in the morning as I re-entered the dorm, having gone to the bathroom to brush my teeth after waking up.

I had slept terribly, my dreams plagued with my imagination’s interpretation of what had been happening where Harry was, on the other side of the phone call. I looked like shit, my eyes red and puffy, my face blotchy and swollen. And although Diana hadn’t said anything, I had a strong suspicion that I woke her up with my dramatic exit into the hallway.

“Not really,” I muttered, running my hand through my face. Never before had I been so thankful for Saturdays, a day that was free of classes and, potentially, free of schoolwork. There was no way I could focus on anything concrete. It was a day for wallowing.

“What happened? Do you want to talk about it?”

I swallowed and flushed, staring at the ground as I spoke. “My ex-boyfriend called me last night so that I could listen to him having sex with another girl.”

Diana winced. “Ugh, that’s ratchet.”

I stared at her for a second, and there were a couple beats of silence before her shock resonated on her face. “You don’t know what ratchet is?”

“No…?”

She let out a sigh and shook her head. “Okay, never mind. But that’s disgusting. Did you actually…like…? Oh, no, right? I heard you swearing at him, so…”

“No, I didn’t listen. I heard her moaning and shit,” I stopped and shuddered as the memory sounded through my head for the millionth time, “and then I cussed him out and hung up the phone. I wasn’t going to put up with that.”

“We need to get coffee,” Diana declared. “And then we should do something fun to get your mind off him.”

“Ugh, I can’t do anything,” I expressed as I threw myself down on my bed, pulling my pillow from under my head so I could put it over my face. “I have to stay here and wallow in my misery. It’s how I operate when it comes to Harry.”

“Harry?”

“Yeah,” I grumbled. “You can go get coffee without me, though. And you can get some for me, if it so pleases you.”

Diana snickered. “You’re lucky I love you. Alright, I’ll be back. Don’t do anything dumb while I’m gone.”

“I’m not guaranteeing anything,” I called out, still through the pillow, just before she pulled the door shut behind her.

For the entire time she was gone, I reveled in the silence. I breathed slowly, my eyes closed, in the state between awake and asleep where I was still conscious of everything around and there was no dreaming, but I was in a sense of complete and utter relaxation.

Diana got back after about a half hour, and I drank my coffee quietly while she put the final touches on her paper, editing small typos she’d made while she mumbled to herself.

At around one o’clock or so, I finally got up and dressed, even if it was only into a pair of yoga pants and the class t-shirt from my senior year. The growling panther had these creepy eyes that people complained looked like they were staring into their souls, but I thought it gave the kitty a little character.

“Your phone rang,” Diana told me as I walked back in, turning to give me a frightened look. “I didn’t answer it when I saw the name on the front.”

I took a deep breath to try to calm my frantic nerves as I picked up my phone and checked it out. Surely enough, the missed call had been from Harry.

“Dickhead’s on round two, I guess,” I concluded as I put the phone back to sleep by pressing the button on the top. “I’m sure he feels like a stud now.”

“Your breakup wasn’t easy, was it?”

“No,” I replied. “I broke up with him, and he got really pissed at me. But it’s been two months, and he’s never pulled shit like this before. I don’t know why he’d start now.”

“Maybe he’s just realized that he’s not getting over you,” Diana suggested with a shrug. “It’s possible.”

“I don’t think so. You don’t know what Harry looks like,” I told her before sitting at my own desk chair, leaning back on the legs, using the desk to steady myself. “He’d have no problems getting over someone like me.”

“Hold up,” Diana insisted before slashing her chair across the floor so she could turn to face me. “First off, you’re selling yourself short. You’re like a goddess. But second, relationships aren’t all about looks. How long did you guys go out?”

“Um…a little over a month, I think.”

“Then he got to know you pretty well, right?” She didn’t wait for my answer before she continued. “He wouldn’t be able to get over you that easily. Not if he got to know you, instead of just getting smitten with your pretty face.”

“Well, it hasn’t been easy getting over him, either. And just when I think I’m moving on…”

“You’re not,” she finished.

“Yeah,” I allowed in a small voice. I felt so immature, hanging on one guy for so long. And just to think I’d broken up with him because I didn’t think I was emotionally ready to form a connection with another human being yet.

My phone started to ring again, so I glanced over at it, hoping to God it wasn’t Harry.

“Who is it?” Diana asked, noticing my furrowed brow.

“Front desk,” I mumbled as I picked it up. “Hey, Roy.”

“Good afternoon, Leigh,” he replied formally. Although Roy was a student at the school, and he was funny and goofy when he was off-duty, he was all business when he worked as security for the dorm building we lived in. “I called because you have a visitor.”

My heart started to race in my chest. “Send her up,” I insisted, figuring it was Jenny. Neither of us had gone to see the other since I moved in, and I knew that she wanted me to settle in before she dropped in. She must have figured that it was finally a good time, and God, was she right.

“It’s not a her,” he replied stiffly. “At least…” There was a muffled sound, followed by some muttering, before Roy came back on the line. “No, it’s not a her. It’s a he.”

“Is it my dad?” I questioned. What were the other options?

“This guy is definitely not old enough to be your father.”

The truth hit me like an eighteen-wheeler truck, and I instantly started to feel nauseas. “I’ll be down in a minute,” I muttered quickly before hanging up on the helpful kid.

“You look green,” Diana told me insensitively.

If I hadn’t been panicked, I would have laughed. “I think Harry’s downstairs. What do I do?”

“You should go down and give him a piece of your mind. You should never put up with someone who’s going to treat you like that.”

“Right,” I responded confidently, but the feeling didn’t last long. “God, Diana, I’m freaking out.”

“Freak out all you want,” she assured me. “But don’t let him know that’s what you’re doing.”

I took a deep breath that did absolutely nothing to calm me down and made my way to the elevator, leaving all of my belongings in the room. As the elevator descended, I gnawed on my lip, and the thought crossed my mind that I was wearing the world’s most unflattering clothes to see Harry for the first time in months.

And then I remembered that I wasn’t supposed to care. I was supposed to be over him.

But I knew I wasn’t. And when I stepped off the elevator and saw my English boy grinning at me, a dark gray beanie holding back his hair, that beautiful dimple in his cheek, I knew I was right back where I’d started in July.