You're What I Reach for When I Fall

You’re What I Reach For When I Fall- Wade & Alissa Barrett

Tapping my foot impatiently I quietly sat in the waiting room of Tampa Bay Memorial Hospital. “Come on.” I whispered glancing at my phone that read two-twenty five pm. “It’s been-”

“Mrs. Barrett.” Snapped my head up, Dr. Alan stood at the double door in scrubs. “Hello there.” He warmly smiled. “Your husband is fine we fixed up his elbow as good as new.”

“Thank you.” I returned his smile. “When will be able to go home?”

Glancing down at his chart the smile remained on his lips. “Looks like tomorrow.” Looking back up at me he pointed down the hall. “Fourth door on your right, the nurses will be able to help you with anything and also instruct you on how to care for your husband at home.”

“Thank you again.” Shaking the doctor’s hand I stepped away from him my shoes making small squeaked on the hospital tiles, stopping in front of his door I softly sighed watching the nurses check his vitals.

“You can come in.” One of the older nurses turned to me and pointed at the chair that sat next to his bed. “We don’t bite.” She chuckled, stepping inside the rather large room I placed my purse down on the chair and stood in front of it. “You must be his wife Alissa.” Looking at the woman she had a smile on her face. “He mumbles about you in his sleep.” She softly chuckled again turning away from us only to pause in the doorframe. “Can I get you anything honey?” Shaking my head no she nodded. “I’ll be back later to check on to the two of you.” And with that she was gone shutting the door quietly behind her.

“Thanks.” I muttered and looked down at him; Wade Barrett, his arm bandaged up from Dr. Alan fixing his damaged ligaments and muscles. “Wade.” I sighed. “When are you going to stop?” Softly shaking my head I stopped myself from finishing my sentence and moved away from his bedside to the window.

“Hey.” My eyes fluttered open, after standing at the window for about an hour and a half I made my way to the plump chair shutting my eyes slipping into a dreamless sleep. “You came.” Wade’s voice was raspy and his jaded eyes heavy with sleep.

I softly sighed. “I told you that I would.”

“I know but-”

“You think cause we’re divorced that I want to see you suffer and mope around the house while you starve to death?”

“You haven’t changed your name so-”

“Wade.” I sighed looking down at the tile. “You know that it was finalized three months ago.”

“I know.” He whispered looking up at the dimmed lights. “You’re still here.”

“You still don’t know how to work the microwave.”



“If you don’t want to be here just go!” Wade shouted at me from the living room of his Florida home.

“Don’t you remember what happen the last time you told me that and I walked out that door?” Throwing his shirt in his face I stomped off to the kitchen, over the past month and a half of taking care of him he was really starting to piss me off. “You’re a real ass Wade.”

“Yeah well back at you sweetheart.” He scoffed slamming down the remote on the glass coffee table.

“If you break another coffee table I will not, listen loud and clear will not clean up after you and buy you a new one.” I shouted slamming a cabinet door shut.

“Did I ask you to buy a stupid ass coffee table? What the fuck do we need one for anyways it’s just another trinket that you wanted and I got, I got it for you, just like those kitchen cabinets that you had to have.”

“Shut up.” I mumbled to myself, rolling my eyes again Wade and I were doing what we are best at fighting. Fighting over nothing, over the past hour it dwindled down to fighting over coffee tables and kitchen cabinets.

“Don’t tell me to shut up, I hate that.” Rolling my eyes again Wade and I already had our fighting down to a routine.

“Then stop trying to justify you being a dick to me while I’m doing nothing but helping you.”

Silence; For awhile that had me questioning if he was still in the house. “I’m sorry.” He whispered standing right behind me making every hair on my body stand to attention. “You’re right, you always are, I’m just grumpy.” His hands snaked around my waist and pulled me back to him.

“Wade.” Frozen I swallowed hard, while his cologne engulfed me, and his wedding band reflected off the ceiling lights. “What are you doing?” Pressing my hands on to the beautiful charcoal black speckled with sliver and gold flakes marbled counter top.

A quick noise sounded from his chest. “I’m not sure.” Hastily he unraveled his arms from around me and retreated upstairs to his room.

“Wade?” Hours after our little argument I finally made my way up stairs and knocked on the door. “It’s time to eat, come down.”

Pulling open the door his tall frame was slouched down and he was still shirtless. “Was I really that horrible to you?” Swallowing hard Wade didn’t want to end our three-year marriage. “I love you and you left me.” Glancing down our wedding photo was in his hand. “I tried and you wouldn’t let me fix my mistakes.”

“Don’t.” Softly shaking my head my brown curls slipped back from my shoulders. “Don’t make me the bad guy here Wade.” Stepping back from him I could feel the tears building up.

“You asked for the divorce!” He yelled causing me to flinch. “Sorry, I-I didn’t-I shouldn’t have raised my voice.” Sighing his large hand ran down his face.

“I’m going to go.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I lo-” Biting my quivering bottom lip. “No you weren’t.”

“You ran, and you’re going to do it again.” Looking up at him anger crossed his beautiful face. “Go, run you’re good at it.”



“You know how hard it is for me.” Wade whispered, nodding I reached in the shower changing the water temp to the way he like it, hot; hot enough to relax his muscle and pretty close to burning his skin. “Are you just going to stay quite?” Three almost four months in I kept my conversations with Wade to a minimal.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Turning to him I grabbed the shower cover that the nurse gave me covering his bandage arm.

“Something.” He paused. “Anything.”

“You still like your showers hot enough to boil an egg?” I cocked an eyebrow at him making sure his arm was properly tucked in the sleeve.

He chuckled. “Yes, love I do, do you still like yours colder than the Antarctic?”

“Don’t be dramatic my showers aren’t that cold, they are like luke warm.” I placed my hands on my hips smiling down at him.

“Yeah, sure luke warm my arse.”

“I should have taken this off first.” I pinched my lips to one side of my mouth noticing that he still had his shirt on.

“Just like you to do things backward Ali.” He shook his head mocking disapproval.

“You could have said something instead of sitting there watching me put on your arm thing.”

“You’re still distracting.” He mumbled.

Reaching down to his waist I pulled his shirt up taking his good arm out, then over his head and gently down his left arm. “So are you.” Locking eyes with him I fought with myself not to melt at the green his eyes shined. “I think you can handle it from here.” Shaking his head no he tried to hide his smile. “I’m sure you can mange to unbutton and zip your pants.” He shook his head no again a grin pulled back his pink lips. “Wade, honey I think you just like me taking off your clothes.” Placing his shirt on the toilet lid I grabbed his jeans that I put on him earlier keeping eye contact I undid the button and dragged the zipper down. “Can I leave you to it now?” Shaking his head no, I softly chuckled, placing my hands on his hips I pushed down both his jeans and boxers. “How about now?”

A blush ran across his cheeks. “You didn’t need to take off my boxers.”

“I’ve seen you naked before.” I smirked. “Step out please.” Crouched down I held our gaze. Taking a step back out of his clothes I stood draping his clothing over my arm.

“We should make this fair sweetheart.” Wade’s hand reached out grabbing the hem of my shirt slightly tugging it up exposing my stomach to him.

“Wade.” Taking a step away from him I looked away. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have instigated this.” Plucking away an imaginary ball of lint from his jeans I softly sighed. “Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything.”

Stepping away from him I walked to the laundry basket. “Will you move on? Love someone else one day?”

“No.” He simply said. “I love you and nothing will change that not even you moving to California or you dating someone else. I plan on winning you back Alissa no matter how long or how hard I have to work to get you back, I will.”

Looking anywhere else but at him I bit the inside of my cheek. “Just call me when you’re ready for me to get your back.” I whispered making my way to the door.

“Shower with me.”

“No, that’s not a good idea.”

“No it’s not but it what we want.”

“I didn’t go out with John.” Still facing the door I bit my bottom lip. “Cena, I didn’t go out with him, we never dated he walked me from my car to my hotel room but nothing ever happened.”

“I believe you.” His hand touched the small of my back for a moment before it moved down and pulled up my shirt. “Wade-”

“I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to, I just want to see you, I want you to be as vulnerable as me.” Assisting him I lifted my shirt up and over my head tossing it on the ground, his fingers reached up to the clasp of my bra easily undoing it with one hand. Slipping the straps down my shoulders I let that dropped to the floor while is arm wrapped around me undoing the button and zipper on my shorts then pushing them down my tanned legs. “Just tell me what you want, I’ll do anything.” Wrapping my arms around my chest I attempted to hide myself. “Don’t.” He pushed my arms down. “Please don’t you’re so beautiful.” Slipping into the shower Wade stood behind me and for once his scalding hot shower didn’t burn my skin. “You didn’t answer me.”

“A-About what?” I swallowed trying to stop my stutter.

“Can I touch you?”

“I-I don’t know.” I looked down at the dark blue tile that changed different hues of blue the higher up you look on the walls. “I’m conflicted, I want you to but then-”

“It’s okay, let’s just shower.”



Six months in, I closed my eyes listening to Wade’s heartbeats. “I was horrible to you.” I whispered to Wade unsure if he was awake or asleep as we sat on the couch watching Twilight Zone episodes, his arm draped over my shoulders holding me tightly to his body, tighter than I’ve ever felt before, while his head resting on the side of the cushion. “I should have been a better wife to you, I should have supported you, I’m so sorry baby.” A few tears slipping from my eyes I bit down on my bottom lip holding down my cries. Glancing over to his left hand his wedding band still rested on the finger that I put it on only coming off when he was in the ring, while mine was somewhere in this house leaving it with him when I walked out the door. “ I keep thinking about every moment in this house with you and how many more moments I want to have.” Softly sighing more tears rolled down my cheeks. “I love you.” Slipping from his grasp he was out, slightly smiling he always slept and slept the best when he was home. Laying the blanket on him I retreated to the guest bedroom crying myself to sleep.

“Alissa!” My name being shouted shook me from my slumber. “Alissa!” Springing out of bed I ran to the living room. “Alissa!”

“What’s wrong?” Rushing to Wade I looked him over once before grabbing his left hand checking out his elbow. “What happen did you hit it? Did something break off? Are you in pain?” Looking up at him he was staring at me. “Wade! What’s wrong? What happen?” Placing my hand on his face, his beard poked the palm of my hand. “Honey.”

Shutting his eyes tightly he pressed his face against my hand for a moment before pulling me to him, wrapping his arms around me and burring his face in my hair. “I-I just thought-” He took in a deep breath, he was about to cry. “J-Just don’t go please, don’t leave me again.” He kissed my head. “We can have a baby.” He kissed my head again slightly pulling me back making me look into his watery jaded eyes. “We can have as many as you want, we can move to California buy a big house with ten rooms and fill each one with a beautiful child just don’t go. Please, Alissa please.”

Standing up he pulled me up with him. “Wade.”

Crashing down on my lips he sighed. “I’ve been wanting to do that for months.” Pressing his lips to mine again for a moment he pulled back searching my eyes for answer. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“That’s not how you’re going to win me back.” Stepping back away from him I couldn’t look him in the eyes. “Giving me the baby I asked for.” I shook my head no. “It’s still only going to be something that I want not something that we want.”

“I thought you left.” He whispered. “I sat here and cried for you till I fell back asleep then I dreamt you had another mans baby, you were so happy, happier than I think I could ever make you.” His eyebrows crunched together. “You asked for a baby and I said no I was-I am scared but I’m going to battle it out everyday to see you that happy, to know that I’m the one who made everything that you could ever want happen.” His palm rested on my cheek. “I want a baby with you, I want to have a family, our very own family and I only want it with you.” Tucking a piece of hair behind my ear I really looked at him and over the months I knew he was sad but at this very moment I could see everything, clear as day written on his face, pain was the most evident. “It’s not a desperate plea, I shouldn’t have said no that night and walked away from you I should have explained that I wasn’t ready, I should have told you that we couldn’t have a kid I’m always on the road that I worked extra long and hard hours to prove myself worthy of this company, that I got a real taste of fame and I didn’t want to let it go. There are so many things that I should have told you but I was a selfish son of a bitch and just said no, I hurt you one thing that I vowed never to do, I’m so sorry Alissa, please forgive me.”

Lost for words I freely let my tears fall softly nodding. “I should have supported you more, you weren’t the only one being selfish. I ran I was jealous and hurt so I ran. I’m sorry.” Wiping away my tears with the pad of his thumb his lips came down pressing against my forehead. “I’m not going anywhere.” Wrapping my arms around his torso I held him tightly. “I promise.”