Status: hi there
Letter to She Who Is Lost.
done drowning.
9/10/12
Dear You,
It’s been a year now.
I have no idea how I keep track of time here. I have no sense of what is up or down, left or right; the universe has been awfully crooked since I fell through. What was down is all around, rising and rolling in crushing waves of darkness. It still howls, quieter now. When I think of you, you’re far away and easily forgotten.
For it swallowed us both – the beast took a bite and spat it back out. Oh, how I flew. I’m not sure where I am now – or who, after I lost that piece that was you. Nobody can possibly know where you are, or how many walls separate us. I’m not searching anymore. Not hunting.
There may be waves here, but there are also stars, real and there and burning with a weirdly intense heat. Once I could not see them; I can almost taste their whispers when the shadows grow long. They taste of flourishing love and a warmth that doesn’t pang or hurt. Songs of bliss swing from them, swaying in the cooler wind. And I wonder, after the shadows take over, if I’ll ever step up to be amongst them.
Where are you? I doubt that you need me – you never really did; I probably would’ve survived without you, too. But I’d be someone else. Sometimes I think that I see you laughing far above; sometimes I worry that the darkness swallowed you up. It’s not my business. You never belonged to me.
I am in an in between place right now. It feels so dark, but it’s warm, safe, and full of love. I get to choose – stars? Below? It’s all mine. I’m certainly happy enough. The want for more is a dull ache, not a daily torment, and I dance alone and with a lovely array of spirits.
I’d say I’m sorry, but it seems irrelevant.
Love,
Me.
Dear You,
It’s been a year now.
I have no idea how I keep track of time here. I have no sense of what is up or down, left or right; the universe has been awfully crooked since I fell through. What was down is all around, rising and rolling in crushing waves of darkness. It still howls, quieter now. When I think of you, you’re far away and easily forgotten.
For it swallowed us both – the beast took a bite and spat it back out. Oh, how I flew. I’m not sure where I am now – or who, after I lost that piece that was you. Nobody can possibly know where you are, or how many walls separate us. I’m not searching anymore. Not hunting.
There may be waves here, but there are also stars, real and there and burning with a weirdly intense heat. Once I could not see them; I can almost taste their whispers when the shadows grow long. They taste of flourishing love and a warmth that doesn’t pang or hurt. Songs of bliss swing from them, swaying in the cooler wind. And I wonder, after the shadows take over, if I’ll ever step up to be amongst them.
Where are you? I doubt that you need me – you never really did; I probably would’ve survived without you, too. But I’d be someone else. Sometimes I think that I see you laughing far above; sometimes I worry that the darkness swallowed you up. It’s not my business. You never belonged to me.
I am in an in between place right now. It feels so dark, but it’s warm, safe, and full of love. I get to choose – stars? Below? It’s all mine. I’m certainly happy enough. The want for more is a dull ache, not a daily torment, and I dance alone and with a lovely array of spirits.
I’d say I’m sorry, but it seems irrelevant.
Love,
Me.