Bound

The memory flew across my eyes like a distant dream as I lay in bed and tried to sleep.
”W-What about Rune? Can’t we promise together?” I remembered asking.
At six years old, I couldn’t wrap my head around not sharing everything with both Cyra and Rune, but Rune and Cyra had never wanted to share. Now, Cyra had dragged me through the forest that surrounded and weaved through our town, and we had stopped in our secret glen. We had played here often as children—Cyra and I. Rune had never come out of the house, not once. Instead, he had stayed inside, in his room with those bandages around his eyes. I didn’t remember ever once seeing his eyes.
“No,” Cyra told me.
Now that I looked back, his almost-silver eyes had been so serious, too serious. That kind of seriousness did not belong in the eyes of a child.
He squeezed my hands tighter and the metal of the pendant I always wore bit into my skin, making me wince and drawing blood. He shook his head, his white curls dancing in the sun. Maybe it had been their appearance that had isolated the twins amongst the other children . . . .
“No, Kariin,” he argued, his eyes begging me. “This is a promise for you and me, okay?”
My eyes lit up and I ignored the blood trickling down my hands around the pendant. His hand was bleeding, too, and he wasn’t crying, so I couldn’t either. “A secret?”
His smile was as I always saw it—kind and warm—but there was something else hidden there this time. “Yes,” he replied, “like a secret.” His eyes turned serious again and my heart thumped against my chest, almost aching. “Become mine, Kariin.”
“Y-Yours? But we’re already friends, right?”
His hands tightened again and I felt blood seep through our clenched fists, mixing together until I couldn’t tell which blood was mine and which was his. Wind was shifting his unbuttoned shirt, but the sun was warm and I thought he had never looked more beautiful. “You love me, don’t you?” I nodded at his pleading expression and was relieved again when he smiled. “Good. Because I love Kariin, too.” He placed his forehead against mine. “So let’s promise to love each other forever, okay?”
I didn’t understand. This was a game, right? But why had he sounded so serious? So grown-up? I remembered something dancing in the pit of my stomach—a warning that I didn’t recognize perhaps?—but I swallowed. “O-Okay.”
His eyes connected with mine, piercing through me. “Say it, Kariin,” he demanded. “I want to hear you promise me.”
I bit my lip, nervous. “I . . . Um, I promise to love you—“
He shook his head, interrupting me. “Say my name.”
I was blushing so much it almost hurt. “I promise to l-love Cyra forever and ever.”
“With all your heart?” he pressed.
“Yeah. All my heart.”
Even though it was gentle, it still hurt as Cyra peeled his hand away from mine and my pendant dropped to the grass. He placed my blood-stained hand on his bare chest, right over his heart and he did the same to me, his skin warm against mine. He kept my other hand tightly grasped in his between us.
“And I promise to love you, Kariin, for all of my life and longer, no matter what happens.”
My chest tightened, seeming to convulse and burn under the pain of his sticky palm. But I couldn’t focus on that because he had leaned in so close and put his lips to mine. It had been an awkward kiss and I hadn’t thought of its significance at the time, but now I could barely remember something so important.
A flash of light broke us apart and I found myself groaning and forcing myself to sit up. My chest was throbbing and I gasped, clutching at the place Cyra’s hand had been. Blinking back tears, I looked down and saw, through the smeared blood on my skin, a mark of two hearts intertwined, one completing the other, but still separate.
“It worked!” he exclaimed. His smile was bright and triumphant as he sat on the grass. “Now you’re mine forever.”
This memory was fading away. But, then again, so was every other memory I had of the twins.
“Oh, it’s just Kariin.” This was always Rune’s greeting no matter when I came to visit. He always seemed so unhappy when I came, his mouth turning down at the corners, but I knew that he was secretly pleased.
Rune had always been the one most teased out of the twins and, though he was somewhat cold to me, he would do anything for Cyra. Back then, I never thought twice about the differences between the two brothers, but now it just seemed odd. Cyra was pale of skin, hair and eyes, but Rune had dark hair that was only a little wavy, always too long to be called short, but too short to be called long. I had never seen his eyes, because he had them hidden behind white bandages, but I was guessing that those were different than Cyra’s too. Rune had always been shorter than Cyra, too. But I had never understood why Rune wouldn’t go outside.
“I came to visit you,” I told him with a smile, climbing onto his bed. I laid a bouquet of wildflowers on his lap, placing his hand on them. I don’t know why I had thought he was blind, or when I had started believing it, but it had become habit to lead him about and touch him without thinking. “I picked these for you.”
He stroked the flowers’ stems, his mouth still frowning, but I could see his face going red under his hair. “What boy wants flowers?” Even though he said that, he raised the flowers to his nose and inhaled.
I saw him smile, though it was small, and I couldn’t help but smile myself. “Why don’t you come and play? Don’t you like Cyra and me?”
He jerked, but smoothly laid the flowers on the windowsill by his bed. The light of the setting sun glinted on his hair. I always came to visit him at sunset. He wasn’t as cranky then.
“No,” he said, then he turned to me when I sucked in a hurt breath, his hands waving back and forth in denial. “I-I meant yeah! I mean, of course I like you. And Cyra’s my brother—I have to like him.”
I smiled, grabbing his still waving hand. “I like you too, Rune. Lots.”
He looked down, his hair falling to cover his face as his hand slowly gripped mine back. “Do you like me more than Cyra?” he asked quietly.
I blinked. “Huh?”
He let go of my hand, jerking it out of my grasp. He turned away, his gaze downcast, seeming to stare at the wall under the window through his bandages. “I-It’s nothing. Go home now, I’m tired.”
So many memories made in such a short time. Now, I was grasping at the ends of them, trying my hardest to remember everything I had shared with the twins. They had been my best friends, my only friends. They still were my only friends, really. Sure, I had Gria, but I could never tell her everything. I could never tell her just how lonely I had been since I was six years old. Since the fire I had set. Since Cyra and Rune had died.
I rolled over, burying my face into my mattress and throwing my pillow over my head. I made a frustrated sound and then sighed, rolling back over to stare at the ceiling. It had been a long time since I had had a decent night’s sleep. But the nights were a time when I could remember, so, even if it was a bad memory that cropped up, I didn’t mind losing sleep if it meant I could hold on to Cyra and Rune a little longer. After all, I didn’t have the right to forget them. Not when I was the one that killed them.