Even the Devil Wouldn't Recognize You
Chapter 2: The devil's advocate is born.
When I say crush, I meant I fucking idolized the shit out of her. I dreamt about her, thought about her, I'd get chills down my spine. Her eyes, her hair, everything about her, it was just so impressionable. I wanted to BE her. She spoke her mind, she said what was needed to be said, and no fucks were given. I absolutely adored the shit out of her. I wanted her. Like I wanted her like a little boy likes candy. She was my all.
It was late one afternoon and got a notification. "Akash Colvin just joined Facebook". THIS WASN'T MY FACEBOOK. How did I get the email? How did my email get on there? Will I get in trouble? So many thoughts were swarming in my head. Yes, my fucking email was there. Alphaq87. Very mature right?
I called up my crush and told her about what had happened. She laughed "dude just fucking mess with that shit. You have the upper hand. It's yours now, not his. Go on Facebook. I'll be on a sec ok". My heart was racing, my smile was instantaneous, it was almost a dream come true. Not only did I make her laugh, this was it. She never went on Facebook for anyone, let alone for a guy. A thousand butterflies swarmed up my body, it consumed my every pore. I never felt this way about anybody. It was such a hard-pressed feeling. I knew it was her. I KNEW IT.
I saw the online symbol, as green and as brash it was gonna get. "Haha, that was pretty fun. Now do this!" She would instruct me to post discriminating comments about Hindus. That made her laugh. I posted "I bombed the last airplane." "I want dog in sandwich". She got a kick out of this stuff. Soon, this became the laughing stock at the lunch table with my lunch buddy and my crush, as well as my crush's friend but we'll get to that story later. Flash forward to the weekend. Smiles, giggles, cute silly shit. More dreams about her. I couldn't have had more fun if I tried to. My life is exactly where I wanted it. She was it. I knew it.
"Your Akash Colvin stuff is really getting annoying". I can't believe what I just read. After all the giggles and laughter, she posted something so bitchy. "Wait. Why?" "That Hindu stuff, that's really fucking offensive". I was growing more and more anxiety-driven. My heart was palpating, I can feel the cracks in it, my lungs were closing, I was sweating. She wasn't her same self. How could she not be?
"AKASH. COLVIN. I CAN GET YOU ARRESTED FOR IDENTITY THEFT". "Wait, what? I thought you told me to get it. That I had upper hand." "Hah, that's what you think? And btw, about the Hindu comments, I have it all printed out. You can get fucking arrested for saying things like that." "No, please don't do this. No. Just stop please stop. "Haha. I can get the fucking police involved. Haha, have fun getting arrested." "No, no, what? This doesn't make sense, you told me to do this, you told me to write those things". She blocked me.
The next afternoon at school, everyone at the table gave me funny looks. Even my crush's friend. A new member joined the table. She also exchanged something rather unpleasant. "Hey, kid, how's it going?". My crush's friend just flat-out ignored me and pretended like she didn't listen. "Hey, what's up?". Our new member did the same thing. "Hey, how's it-". "Hah, really? You think that's funny. For taking people's accounts and discriminating against people. Haha. You're really fucked up in the head if you think that's a funny thing to do. Save it, I'm not having any of your bullshit." I sat there frozen. My heart shattered into pieces. I felt like the whole world just fell apart. Everyone hated me. The embarrassment. But how did they know? SHE TOLD THEM. SHE. FUCKING. TOLD. THEM.
I got onto Facebook after I went home. Nothing new, just got some notifications. SHE SENT ME A FRIEND REQUEST. SHE SENT ME A FRIEND REQUEST. My crush SENT ME A FRIEND REQUEST. I didn't care what happened last night, she took me back. No mistake there. I didn't care.
"Hey".
"Hi".
"I'm so fucking tired".
"Really? Maybe you should rest. Maybe get a glass of water."
"What did you just say?"
"I said water."
"Don't use that word around me, it reminds me of our science teacher."
"Ok. You mean-"
"Just don't say it. Don't say her name, anything."
"Not even water?"
"Wow, to think I've had enough of your bullshit."
"What are you talking about."
"The way you antagonize me like that. My cousin's a lawyer, I can have you fucking arrested."
"What? No please no".
"I told you not to cross me".
"Btw, when are you gonna give me the homework?"
"But I thought you didn't like me?"
"I don't really, but I just use you for the homework".
I went offline.
It was late one afternoon and got a notification. "Akash Colvin just joined Facebook". THIS WASN'T MY FACEBOOK. How did I get the email? How did my email get on there? Will I get in trouble? So many thoughts were swarming in my head. Yes, my fucking email was there. Alphaq87. Very mature right?
I called up my crush and told her about what had happened. She laughed "dude just fucking mess with that shit. You have the upper hand. It's yours now, not his. Go on Facebook. I'll be on a sec ok". My heart was racing, my smile was instantaneous, it was almost a dream come true. Not only did I make her laugh, this was it. She never went on Facebook for anyone, let alone for a guy. A thousand butterflies swarmed up my body, it consumed my every pore. I never felt this way about anybody. It was such a hard-pressed feeling. I knew it was her. I KNEW IT.
I saw the online symbol, as green and as brash it was gonna get. "Haha, that was pretty fun. Now do this!" She would instruct me to post discriminating comments about Hindus. That made her laugh. I posted "I bombed the last airplane." "I want dog in sandwich". She got a kick out of this stuff. Soon, this became the laughing stock at the lunch table with my lunch buddy and my crush, as well as my crush's friend but we'll get to that story later. Flash forward to the weekend. Smiles, giggles, cute silly shit. More dreams about her. I couldn't have had more fun if I tried to. My life is exactly where I wanted it. She was it. I knew it.
"Your Akash Colvin stuff is really getting annoying". I can't believe what I just read. After all the giggles and laughter, she posted something so bitchy. "Wait. Why?" "That Hindu stuff, that's really fucking offensive". I was growing more and more anxiety-driven. My heart was palpating, I can feel the cracks in it, my lungs were closing, I was sweating. She wasn't her same self. How could she not be?
"AKASH. COLVIN. I CAN GET YOU ARRESTED FOR IDENTITY THEFT". "Wait, what? I thought you told me to get it. That I had upper hand." "Hah, that's what you think? And btw, about the Hindu comments, I have it all printed out. You can get fucking arrested for saying things like that." "No, please don't do this. No. Just stop please stop. "Haha. I can get the fucking police involved. Haha, have fun getting arrested." "No, no, what? This doesn't make sense, you told me to do this, you told me to write those things". She blocked me.
The next afternoon at school, everyone at the table gave me funny looks. Even my crush's friend. A new member joined the table. She also exchanged something rather unpleasant. "Hey, kid, how's it going?". My crush's friend just flat-out ignored me and pretended like she didn't listen. "Hey, what's up?". Our new member did the same thing. "Hey, how's it-". "Hah, really? You think that's funny. For taking people's accounts and discriminating against people. Haha. You're really fucked up in the head if you think that's a funny thing to do. Save it, I'm not having any of your bullshit." I sat there frozen. My heart shattered into pieces. I felt like the whole world just fell apart. Everyone hated me. The embarrassment. But how did they know? SHE TOLD THEM. SHE. FUCKING. TOLD. THEM.
I got onto Facebook after I went home. Nothing new, just got some notifications. SHE SENT ME A FRIEND REQUEST. SHE SENT ME A FRIEND REQUEST. My crush SENT ME A FRIEND REQUEST. I didn't care what happened last night, she took me back. No mistake there. I didn't care.
"Hey".
"Hi".
"I'm so fucking tired".
"Really? Maybe you should rest. Maybe get a glass of water."
"What did you just say?"
"I said water."
"Don't use that word around me, it reminds me of our science teacher."
"Ok. You mean-"
"Just don't say it. Don't say her name, anything."
"Not even water?"
"Wow, to think I've had enough of your bullshit."
"What are you talking about."
"The way you antagonize me like that. My cousin's a lawyer, I can have you fucking arrested."
"What? No please no".
"I told you not to cross me".
"Btw, when are you gonna give me the homework?"
"But I thought you didn't like me?"
"I don't really, but I just use you for the homework".
I went offline.