This Is My Mistake

My grandmother told that quote the day before she died. I never really understood what she meant by it until now…

See for the past five years I have neglected my friends and family for something I thought was more important to me. I was wrong. Nothing is more important than family. My only regret is that I never saw that earlier. Maybe then she’d still be here…

As terrible as it sounds it took my sisters death for me to realise that I had a family at home that missed me. I spent weeks mourning her death blaming myself for my mistake.

The day I met him I sold my soul to the devil. Since then I’d never bothered to buy it back. When my sister flat-lined I had a moment of great realisation, I felt like I stood there in court a waiting my sentence.

I knew then that I had to cut ties with him. He was like a drug and I was the addict. The days between my sister’s death and her funeral were like rehab. I never saw him during those days; that’s when I found out about her… His little toy he failed to mention when he was helping me reach my high.

My friends had told me weeks before my sister’s death and I never believed them. Even when I caught them in the act my heart refused to believe it. How could he do that to me? A question I no longer ask myself. I now know why…

When I got back with my friends things felt different. I felt like an outsider, that they were going to cast out once they’d finished scrutinizing me. To my relief they accepted the new me as they put it. Did I really change that much when I was being a slave to devil’s advocate.

Days past and quickly turned into weeks which in turned into months. I’m still living to the full. The day I left him I made a silent promise to myself to live day to day and forget about my life with him.

It may sound selfish to celebrate my sister’s death, but by her death she saved me. I do wish she hadn’t paid the price for my mistakes. I’m just glad she’s no longer suffering in silence because of me.

My mother finally forgave me after six months of blaming me for her death. My father once told me he had nothing to forgive me for. I wasn’t the one who put the razor to my sister’s wrist or the bottle of pills in her hand. I thought it sick at first how my father didn’t seem to care but not I know he was just trying to help me feel better.

I hope that anyone who is in the position I once was will read this and stop before they lose someone close to them. Always remember family and friends are more important than finding your next fix.

Please to anyone who hasn’t done this or is even considering it. Don’t. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope it helps those in need. My name is Cassandra Matthews and this is my mistake.