Welcome to Paradise

Light filtered through the curtains and I frowned, rolling away from it. I pulled the covers up further around myself and tried to go back to sleep. It wasn't working. I sighed and fought off the covers and rolled over to look at Billie's sleeping face. His eyes were closed and his lips were parted slightly, his eyes rolling back and forth under the lids. I smiled and ran a finger along his thin nose, stopping at the ring there. I played with the little silver hoop for a moment, then traced the contours of his face, the face I'd spend the rest of my life with, hopefully.

"What are you doing?" he asked groggily.

Smiling I said, "Nothing. Just couldn't sleep any longer."

A soft smile touched his lips, but he kept his eyes closed. I was great full, his bright malachite eyes always took my breath away. I kissed the tip of his nose and got up, wandering to he kitchen to start breakfast. I didn't bother looking back to see if he had fallen back to sleep, I knew he had, he could sleep on a whim.

I opened the cabinets and got out a skillet and the pancake mix, along with a mixing bowl. Chances were I wouldn't eat much of breakfast because I was starting with the morning sickness this week, but I knew Billie'd eat his share and my own. I measured out the water and then poured the powder and the liquid into the mixing bowl and started stirring it up. I grabbed the aerosol can of Canola Oil and sprayed the pan, the oil immediately sizzling with the heat. The smell of the cooking oil made my stomach churn and my head whirl. I pressed my hand to my forehead and scrunched up my face and eyes, trying to fight it back, knowing it was useless.

I turned and ran for the bathroom, banging through the door just in time to collapse to my knees in front of the toilet and up heave everything from the night before.

"Laney?" Billie called from the bedroom.

I wanted to say something back, but I couldn't, it was still coming. A moment later he was by my side, pulling my hair away from my face. He crooned the whole time, telling me everything was going to be okay, just to let it out.

"Ok," I said, my voice sounding stuffy, like I was sick, "I think I'm done."

He helped me up and said, "That's gross babe."

I shot him a look and he smiled, "I mean... It looks... Nice?"

I just shook my head and went to the sink to wash my face and brush my teeth, he flushed the toilet for me and then flipped the lid, sitting down on it. He rubbed his face as I brushed my teeth.

"Sorry I woke you up," I said after I spat.

He shook his head, "It's fine. I'll just have to get used to it."

I washed my mouth out and put my tooth brush up and turned to him, leaning on the sink.

"I just wanted to cook breakfast but the smell of the hot oil-" Shit! I had left the stove on.

I bolted from the room and ran into the kitchen, a smoldering mess on the stove. I rushed over and turned the knob to 'off' and threw the skillet into the empty sink and turned the water on for a moment. It sizzled and popped and I backed away from it, slumping against the table.

"You left the stove on," Billie observed.

I couldn't be mad, so i just laughed and settled into a chair, my head in my hands.

"I want me a maid Billie," I joked.

"Okay, we'll look for one this afternoon!" he said.

I laughed, "I'm kidding. I'm just trying to get used to all of this. Let's just go out for breakfast, okay?"

He nodded, leaning down to kiss my forehead, deeming my mouth un kissable for a while.

"I'm gonna go get dress, okay," he said.

I nodded, "Right behind you."

--

He took my hand from across the table and said, "I need to talk to you Lana."

His tone was serious and I had an idea of what his next words were going to be. I didn't want to respond, hoping it would keep what he was going to say away. I looked at the table, fighting back those betraying tears.

"Laney, look at me," his voice sounded strained, like he was fighting back his own salty tears.

Reluctantly I looked up, but I wouldn't meet those emerald eyes. Instead I focused on the spot below his eyes, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"Look. This is important...."

"To us or the band?" I bit.

His face softened and voice was broken, "Alana. We have to go on tour... The fans need us-"

"The fans or your family Billie. I won't be left here again William Joseph, not while you're off gallivanting with other girls," I didn't mean for the words to sound so mean, I didn't mean for it at all, but that's the way it came out.

I felt bad the moment I said those words. "You don't trust me," his voice was hollow, a statement.

"It's not that. I just. Billie, you're so susceptible to the moment. You don't realize it, but you are. I trust you with my heart, but I won't be left here again. I wont be alone in that apartment all by myself again," I sounded weak, but it was the truth.

"I-I don't know what to do Laney. Everything's sky rocketing. The album is selling millions, and the fans are demanding more, and I.. I have to give it to them. They love me Laney, and I love them," his voice went from hollow to full of a softness I'd never heard him use before.

It made me mad, irrationally mad. I pulled my hand away and stood up. The tears betrayed me thing, flowing down my face. I left the restaurant and when I heard his footsteps behind me in the parking lot I turned and said,

"Don't. Don't, just leave me alone."

Tears slipped down his face, but he stood there. I turned and walked away.