Status: Completed
Back Where I Belong
2/2
Three Days Later
I lay awake in the comfy hotel bed, my two little angels sleeping beside me as they took their afternoon nap. They looked so peaceful and so carefree in their sleep, just as they did when they were awake. I sighed and looked at the clock on the bedside table; 3 PM. In less than three hours, we’d be heading to the venue where the lads were performing their show. For the past two days, I’ve taken the twins around London to do some sightseeing and even got them some new clothes for the show tonight. I got myself an outfit too, but I was still so nervous. All that I had running through my head was how Zayn would react. Would he be happy to see me? Would he be mad? Disappointed? The only way I was going to find out was if I go to the show with Meghan and Danny in tow. Lou was sending Eleanor to pick us up so that we could be at the show together, front row where the lads would see us. I was nervous to say the least, what if he hated me for the decisions I’ve made?
Four Hours Later
I stood in the front row beside Eleanor, Danny in my arms and Meghan in hers as the boys started their show. Lou immediately looked towards us and waved at the kids who squealed happily as their Uncle Lou began to sing with the man they didn’t know was their father and the other three men they would have considered their uncles, had they known of them. The minute I saw Zayn though, my heart burst. He was still as handsome as he had been the day I left, not like I expected that to change though. However, I could tell that the smile he was putting on for his fans was forced. He looked like he was trying too hard to simply smile and I knew that it was all my fault. “London! How’re you doing tonight?” Liam shouted to the crowd after they performed Na Na Na. The room shook with the screams of the adolescent teens that had gathered for the show, while my little ones covered their ears with their hands. “This next song is one of our personal favorites and it’s for anyone who’s ever wanted just one more chance with that special someone…” Harry said into his mic. “Here’s Moments.” Niall said as the song started.
As I listed to the song, I watched Zayn and noticed how much he was struggling to make it through the song without letting a tear fall down his face. Seeing him like that broke my heart and made me realize just how much pain I had caused him. After Moments, the boys went through a good amount of songs from all of their albums, plus a couple of covers of the lads’ favorite songs. As the time grew closer for Eleanor and I to go back stage with Meghan and Danny, Paul came to the row and escorted us to the stage door. I know that Paul couldn’t really recognize me since I had changed a lot since the last time I had seen him and I also kept my face down, just in case he would recognize me as he led us back stage, to an all too familiar green room. “The boys should be back from their meet and greet soon. They usually don’t take too long.” El said as we sat the kids on one of the couches. For the next half hour, we talked about what I would say to Zayn and even the rest of the boys when they found out I was here with two special guests.
I realize now that not only did I hurt Zayn by leaving, I hurt four of my best friends. Harry was like a little brother to me, Liam was confidant who I can always turn to for anything, Niall was my partner in crime, and Louis was my big, protective brother. Then there was Zayn; my best friend, my love, my everything. I had ruined this big time and wouldn’t blame them if they turned their backs on me; but I don’t know how I’d handle it if they did the same to Meghan and Danny. It wasn’t their fault I had made the decision I made. I was stupid to think that leaving the boys would be easier than simply telling them I was pregnant. I had been alone with my children when I could’ve had the support of what had been my ‘family’.
Just as Eleanor and I had reached an end to our conversation and were playing with the twins, four boisterous men came through the door. “Hey El, hey KEIRA!?!?” Harry shouted, scaring the twins a bit as he, Liam, and Niall stared at me while Louis just strolled right in and lifted a scared Meghan into his arms. I smiled sheepishly at the other three boys in front of me. “Hey guys.” I whispered softly, scared what they would say to me. “But, how, why, what are you doing here?” they all seemed to say at the same time. “Guys, one at a time please.” I said with a small laugh. “Mummy, they weirder than Unca Lou.” Danny said as he came out from behind me.
“MUMMY?!?!?!” the other three shouted. I smiled at them and lifted Danny in my arms while Meghan hid her face in Lou’s shoulder as he joined me in front of the boys, El standing beside him. It wasn’t until Danny turned to face them that their jaws dropped. “Hey he looks just like….. Keira are these?” Niall asked, at a loss for words. I nodded, knowing what he was trying to ask. “This is Daniel and Lou is holding Meghan.” I said, as the boys came forward. Zayn must’ve been in the bathroom.
Harry walked towards Meghan and gently touched her back. She lifted her head from Lou’s neck and looked towards the curly-haired man. “Hi love, I’m Harry.” He cooed to her, earning a small smile from my shy daughter who gave him a small wave. I turned to my son who was still in my arms while he chatted animatedly with Liam. Niall just stared at me. “Why didn’t you tell us? More importantly, why didn’t you tell Zayn?” he asked, emotionless. I looked down, disappointed in myself. Just as I looked up to answer, the door to the green room opened again. “Great show lads, felt great to…” he trailed off as the boys turned to him, revealing the twins and I. The room was eerily quiet as Zayn just stared at me and I stared back. “Guys, lets give them some time alone.” Lou suggested before Niall, Liam, and Harry filed out of the room. Lou turned to me. “Want me and El to take them or…” he asked, motioning to the twins. I nodded. “Bring them back in 10 minutes. I think I should talk to him alone first.” I whispered, as Zayn stood in front of us; motionless, silent. Lou nodded as El took Danny from my arms; “Be good for Uncle Lou and Aunt El for me okay?” I said to both of my angels, Zayn’s eyes watching our every move. They nodded before Lou and El walked out of the room, leaving Zayn and I alone.
We stood in silence for a few moments, just staring at each other until I couldn’t take it anymore. “Hey.” I said quietly, his brown eyes never leaving my bluish-green ones. His face remained emotionless, and I knew that was never a good thing. “Hey…Almost four years, with no explanation as to why you left leaving me with a broken heart, and all you can say is hey?” he answered, his voice angry but calm. “Zayn, I didn’t want to leave but I had to. I couldn’t stay because it would have ruined you.” I replied softly, scared as to what he would say next. He remained silent. “Who were they? The kids I mean.” He said, breaking the silence. I sighed, this is it. “Daniel and Meghan, my children.” I whispered and he nodded. “How old are they?” he asked through clenched teeth, making it evident he was having trouble controlling his temper. “They turned three two months ago.” I replied, to which he nodded. “Who’s the father?” he asked, not that he needed an answer; he was the only person I had ever had sex with. “I’m looking at him.” I answered quietly. He looked up at me, realization in his eyes.
“That’s why you left? You left because you were pregnant with my children? You tore out my heart, leaving me in the middle of the tour because YOU WERE PREGNANT!?” he shouted, causing me to jump. I couldn’t answer him, because I screwed up. “Zayn, I –“ he cut me off. “YOU JUST LEFT! NO EXPLANATION, NOTHING! I WAS GUTTED! AND NOW NEARLY FOUR YEARS LATER YOU JUST SHOW UP AND TELL ME THAT I HAVE TWO CHILDREN, WHO PROBABLY HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM. I MISSED THREE PRECIOUS YEARS OF THEIR LIVES BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T TELL ME ABOUT THEM. DID YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT I WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN THERE FOR YOU THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE PREGNANCY? DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW I WOULD FEEL?!” he shouted, tears forming in his eyes. They were already falling down my face.
“Of course I thought about how you would feel. But Zayn, you and the lads were just breaking through! I didn’t want to ruin it for you! Do you think the fans, the media, your management would’ve been happy if they found out that I was pregnant?!? I only left to protect you and your career. Of course I realize now how stupid I was to keep them from you, to keep them from their father. I wake up everyday and they remind me of you so much and I remember the stupid mistake I made by walking out of that hotel room that morning.” I answered, collapsing on the couch and sobbing into my hands. I half expected him to just walk out of the room, not wanting anything to do with the twins or me. I mean, why would he? After everything I’ve done, I wouldn’t expect him to want to be around me. But when I felt the couch sink beside me, I knew he hadn’t left.
“Zayn, if I had known then what I know now, I never would’ve made the mistake of leaving.” I sobbed, my body shaking as he wrapped his strong arms around me. “I thought you didn’t love me anymore, that I had done something wrong and made you hate me.” He whispered, his voice cracking from his tears. I turned towards him, pulling away from his arms and lifting my hands to hold his face in them. “Don’t you ever think for one second that I don’t love you because even after all this time, I love you more than the air I breathe. You gave me two of the most precious things in my life and they remind me of our love every single day. I understand if you don’t love me anymore, just understand that I never stopped loving you and I never will. I am going to be in love with you until the day my heart stops beating.” I said to him, the tears falling from both of our eyes. He drew in a breath before speaking again. “I never stopped loving you either.” He whispered before gently placing his lips against mine. When he did that, the familiar feeling of my heart racing and everything just falling into place was back.
We slowly pulled away after a couple of minutes and smiled at each other. It was quiet for a few seconds before I spoke. “Do you want to meet your kids?” I asked softly, breaking the silence. His smile widened and he stood up quickly, before taking my hand and pulling me out the door. I giggled as we came up to the dressing room where I could hear my children’s laughter through the door. Zayn looked nervous, as though our children would hate him. “Don’t worry, they’re going to love you just as much as I do.” I whispered, kissing his cheek before opening the door to see Harry and Niall tickling Meghan and Danny playing a game with Liam, El, and Lou. The boys and El looked up at us as we entered the room, hands entwined. “Meghan, Danny can you come here for a minute? I have someone I want you to meet.” I said with a smile as they looked at me. My babies shyly waddled over to me. “Zayn, these are Daniel Joseph and Meghan Gabrielle Gallagher, well I guess Malik now. But they go by Danny and Meg. Danny, Meg; this is your Daddy.” I said softly as Zayn crouched down so that he could be at their eye level. The kids looked at him warily, before looking up at me as if to ask if it was okay to hug him.
“You’re my daddy?” Danny whispered softly, to which Zayn nodded. At Zayn’s response Danny and Meghan launched themselves into his arms, wrapping their arms around his neck. Zayn stood up, lifting them with him as he embraced them tightly and his tears streaming down his face. Tears fell down my face as well as I watched my kids and love of my life embrace each other. “I love you Daddy.” I heard Meghan’s tiny voice whisper. “I love you too Princess.” He managed to choke out in a whisper. I smiled before wrapping my arms around the three of them, while everyone else looked on. “Mummy, does this mean Daddy come home with us?” Danny asked, lifting his face out of Zayn’s neck. I smiled. “If he wants to.” I replied softly, looking at Zayn who smiled. “Of course I am; we’re gonna be a family.” He whispered before kissing both kids on their forehead, and pecking my lips gently as the lads cheered in the background. Being in Zayn’s arms, our two beautiful kids between us, I knew I was finally back where I belong.
Four Months Later
Zayn and I were cuddling on the couch in our living room watching a movie, the kids already in their beds upstairs when suddenly we heard a cry from one of their rooms. I started to get up but Zayn stopped me. “I’ll go.” He whispered, kissing the top of my head before getting up and jogging up the stairs. I smiled after him before smiling down at the sparkling ring that now made its home on my left ring finger. Zayn had moved in with us a few days after the show and proposed to me a little over a month ago. Things were great. The kids were absolutely crazy about him and he simply adored and spoiled them like no other. Things were finally coming together. It had been a while since Zayn went up to where the kids’ rooms were so I decided to go check on them. Peeking into Danny’s room, I saw that he was still sound asleep. I smiled and closed the door when I heard sniffling noises coming from Meghan’s room. I stood just outside of the door, peeking my head in, and listened.
“I promise you love, it was only a bad dream. Mummy and I would never even dream of leaving you or Danny.” I heard Zayn whispering to her as he held her in his arms. She sniffled a bit more. “You promise?” she asked softly. I smiled as he kissed he wiped the tears from her eyes with his thumb. “I promise.” He cooed before kissing her forehead. I smiled at the sight before me as he started singing her favorite song softly, putting her back to sleep. “Get out, get out, get out of my head and fall into my arms instead…” he sang the song softly as she drifted back to sleep. He stood and carefully tucked her back in, kissing her cheek before leaving the room. He smiled at me as I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his snaked around my waist. “I love you.” I whispered. He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine before responding. “I love you too.” I smiled and we went back downstairs to finish our movie. We had a long road ahead of us, but this was definitely where I belong.
I lay awake in the comfy hotel bed, my two little angels sleeping beside me as they took their afternoon nap. They looked so peaceful and so carefree in their sleep, just as they did when they were awake. I sighed and looked at the clock on the bedside table; 3 PM. In less than three hours, we’d be heading to the venue where the lads were performing their show. For the past two days, I’ve taken the twins around London to do some sightseeing and even got them some new clothes for the show tonight. I got myself an outfit too, but I was still so nervous. All that I had running through my head was how Zayn would react. Would he be happy to see me? Would he be mad? Disappointed? The only way I was going to find out was if I go to the show with Meghan and Danny in tow. Lou was sending Eleanor to pick us up so that we could be at the show together, front row where the lads would see us. I was nervous to say the least, what if he hated me for the decisions I’ve made?
Four Hours Later
I stood in the front row beside Eleanor, Danny in my arms and Meghan in hers as the boys started their show. Lou immediately looked towards us and waved at the kids who squealed happily as their Uncle Lou began to sing with the man they didn’t know was their father and the other three men they would have considered their uncles, had they known of them. The minute I saw Zayn though, my heart burst. He was still as handsome as he had been the day I left, not like I expected that to change though. However, I could tell that the smile he was putting on for his fans was forced. He looked like he was trying too hard to simply smile and I knew that it was all my fault. “London! How’re you doing tonight?” Liam shouted to the crowd after they performed Na Na Na. The room shook with the screams of the adolescent teens that had gathered for the show, while my little ones covered their ears with their hands. “This next song is one of our personal favorites and it’s for anyone who’s ever wanted just one more chance with that special someone…” Harry said into his mic. “Here’s Moments.” Niall said as the song started.
As I listed to the song, I watched Zayn and noticed how much he was struggling to make it through the song without letting a tear fall down his face. Seeing him like that broke my heart and made me realize just how much pain I had caused him. After Moments, the boys went through a good amount of songs from all of their albums, plus a couple of covers of the lads’ favorite songs. As the time grew closer for Eleanor and I to go back stage with Meghan and Danny, Paul came to the row and escorted us to the stage door. I know that Paul couldn’t really recognize me since I had changed a lot since the last time I had seen him and I also kept my face down, just in case he would recognize me as he led us back stage, to an all too familiar green room. “The boys should be back from their meet and greet soon. They usually don’t take too long.” El said as we sat the kids on one of the couches. For the next half hour, we talked about what I would say to Zayn and even the rest of the boys when they found out I was here with two special guests.
I realize now that not only did I hurt Zayn by leaving, I hurt four of my best friends. Harry was like a little brother to me, Liam was confidant who I can always turn to for anything, Niall was my partner in crime, and Louis was my big, protective brother. Then there was Zayn; my best friend, my love, my everything. I had ruined this big time and wouldn’t blame them if they turned their backs on me; but I don’t know how I’d handle it if they did the same to Meghan and Danny. It wasn’t their fault I had made the decision I made. I was stupid to think that leaving the boys would be easier than simply telling them I was pregnant. I had been alone with my children when I could’ve had the support of what had been my ‘family’.
Just as Eleanor and I had reached an end to our conversation and were playing with the twins, four boisterous men came through the door. “Hey El, hey KEIRA!?!?” Harry shouted, scaring the twins a bit as he, Liam, and Niall stared at me while Louis just strolled right in and lifted a scared Meghan into his arms. I smiled sheepishly at the other three boys in front of me. “Hey guys.” I whispered softly, scared what they would say to me. “But, how, why, what are you doing here?” they all seemed to say at the same time. “Guys, one at a time please.” I said with a small laugh. “Mummy, they weirder than Unca Lou.” Danny said as he came out from behind me.
“MUMMY?!?!?!” the other three shouted. I smiled at them and lifted Danny in my arms while Meghan hid her face in Lou’s shoulder as he joined me in front of the boys, El standing beside him. It wasn’t until Danny turned to face them that their jaws dropped. “Hey he looks just like….. Keira are these?” Niall asked, at a loss for words. I nodded, knowing what he was trying to ask. “This is Daniel and Lou is holding Meghan.” I said, as the boys came forward. Zayn must’ve been in the bathroom.
Harry walked towards Meghan and gently touched her back. She lifted her head from Lou’s neck and looked towards the curly-haired man. “Hi love, I’m Harry.” He cooed to her, earning a small smile from my shy daughter who gave him a small wave. I turned to my son who was still in my arms while he chatted animatedly with Liam. Niall just stared at me. “Why didn’t you tell us? More importantly, why didn’t you tell Zayn?” he asked, emotionless. I looked down, disappointed in myself. Just as I looked up to answer, the door to the green room opened again. “Great show lads, felt great to…” he trailed off as the boys turned to him, revealing the twins and I. The room was eerily quiet as Zayn just stared at me and I stared back. “Guys, lets give them some time alone.” Lou suggested before Niall, Liam, and Harry filed out of the room. Lou turned to me. “Want me and El to take them or…” he asked, motioning to the twins. I nodded. “Bring them back in 10 minutes. I think I should talk to him alone first.” I whispered, as Zayn stood in front of us; motionless, silent. Lou nodded as El took Danny from my arms; “Be good for Uncle Lou and Aunt El for me okay?” I said to both of my angels, Zayn’s eyes watching our every move. They nodded before Lou and El walked out of the room, leaving Zayn and I alone.
We stood in silence for a few moments, just staring at each other until I couldn’t take it anymore. “Hey.” I said quietly, his brown eyes never leaving my bluish-green ones. His face remained emotionless, and I knew that was never a good thing. “Hey…Almost four years, with no explanation as to why you left leaving me with a broken heart, and all you can say is hey?” he answered, his voice angry but calm. “Zayn, I didn’t want to leave but I had to. I couldn’t stay because it would have ruined you.” I replied softly, scared as to what he would say next. He remained silent. “Who were they? The kids I mean.” He said, breaking the silence. I sighed, this is it. “Daniel and Meghan, my children.” I whispered and he nodded. “How old are they?” he asked through clenched teeth, making it evident he was having trouble controlling his temper. “They turned three two months ago.” I replied, to which he nodded. “Who’s the father?” he asked, not that he needed an answer; he was the only person I had ever had sex with. “I’m looking at him.” I answered quietly. He looked up at me, realization in his eyes.
“That’s why you left? You left because you were pregnant with my children? You tore out my heart, leaving me in the middle of the tour because YOU WERE PREGNANT!?” he shouted, causing me to jump. I couldn’t answer him, because I screwed up. “Zayn, I –“ he cut me off. “YOU JUST LEFT! NO EXPLANATION, NOTHING! I WAS GUTTED! AND NOW NEARLY FOUR YEARS LATER YOU JUST SHOW UP AND TELL ME THAT I HAVE TWO CHILDREN, WHO PROBABLY HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM. I MISSED THREE PRECIOUS YEARS OF THEIR LIVES BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T TELL ME ABOUT THEM. DID YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT I WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN THERE FOR YOU THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE PREGNANCY? DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW I WOULD FEEL?!” he shouted, tears forming in his eyes. They were already falling down my face.
“Of course I thought about how you would feel. But Zayn, you and the lads were just breaking through! I didn’t want to ruin it for you! Do you think the fans, the media, your management would’ve been happy if they found out that I was pregnant?!? I only left to protect you and your career. Of course I realize now how stupid I was to keep them from you, to keep them from their father. I wake up everyday and they remind me of you so much and I remember the stupid mistake I made by walking out of that hotel room that morning.” I answered, collapsing on the couch and sobbing into my hands. I half expected him to just walk out of the room, not wanting anything to do with the twins or me. I mean, why would he? After everything I’ve done, I wouldn’t expect him to want to be around me. But when I felt the couch sink beside me, I knew he hadn’t left.
“Zayn, if I had known then what I know now, I never would’ve made the mistake of leaving.” I sobbed, my body shaking as he wrapped his strong arms around me. “I thought you didn’t love me anymore, that I had done something wrong and made you hate me.” He whispered, his voice cracking from his tears. I turned towards him, pulling away from his arms and lifting my hands to hold his face in them. “Don’t you ever think for one second that I don’t love you because even after all this time, I love you more than the air I breathe. You gave me two of the most precious things in my life and they remind me of our love every single day. I understand if you don’t love me anymore, just understand that I never stopped loving you and I never will. I am going to be in love with you until the day my heart stops beating.” I said to him, the tears falling from both of our eyes. He drew in a breath before speaking again. “I never stopped loving you either.” He whispered before gently placing his lips against mine. When he did that, the familiar feeling of my heart racing and everything just falling into place was back.
We slowly pulled away after a couple of minutes and smiled at each other. It was quiet for a few seconds before I spoke. “Do you want to meet your kids?” I asked softly, breaking the silence. His smile widened and he stood up quickly, before taking my hand and pulling me out the door. I giggled as we came up to the dressing room where I could hear my children’s laughter through the door. Zayn looked nervous, as though our children would hate him. “Don’t worry, they’re going to love you just as much as I do.” I whispered, kissing his cheek before opening the door to see Harry and Niall tickling Meghan and Danny playing a game with Liam, El, and Lou. The boys and El looked up at us as we entered the room, hands entwined. “Meghan, Danny can you come here for a minute? I have someone I want you to meet.” I said with a smile as they looked at me. My babies shyly waddled over to me. “Zayn, these are Daniel Joseph and Meghan Gabrielle Gallagher, well I guess Malik now. But they go by Danny and Meg. Danny, Meg; this is your Daddy.” I said softly as Zayn crouched down so that he could be at their eye level. The kids looked at him warily, before looking up at me as if to ask if it was okay to hug him.
“You’re my daddy?” Danny whispered softly, to which Zayn nodded. At Zayn’s response Danny and Meghan launched themselves into his arms, wrapping their arms around his neck. Zayn stood up, lifting them with him as he embraced them tightly and his tears streaming down his face. Tears fell down my face as well as I watched my kids and love of my life embrace each other. “I love you Daddy.” I heard Meghan’s tiny voice whisper. “I love you too Princess.” He managed to choke out in a whisper. I smiled before wrapping my arms around the three of them, while everyone else looked on. “Mummy, does this mean Daddy come home with us?” Danny asked, lifting his face out of Zayn’s neck. I smiled. “If he wants to.” I replied softly, looking at Zayn who smiled. “Of course I am; we’re gonna be a family.” He whispered before kissing both kids on their forehead, and pecking my lips gently as the lads cheered in the background. Being in Zayn’s arms, our two beautiful kids between us, I knew I was finally back where I belong.
Four Months Later
Zayn and I were cuddling on the couch in our living room watching a movie, the kids already in their beds upstairs when suddenly we heard a cry from one of their rooms. I started to get up but Zayn stopped me. “I’ll go.” He whispered, kissing the top of my head before getting up and jogging up the stairs. I smiled after him before smiling down at the sparkling ring that now made its home on my left ring finger. Zayn had moved in with us a few days after the show and proposed to me a little over a month ago. Things were great. The kids were absolutely crazy about him and he simply adored and spoiled them like no other. Things were finally coming together. It had been a while since Zayn went up to where the kids’ rooms were so I decided to go check on them. Peeking into Danny’s room, I saw that he was still sound asleep. I smiled and closed the door when I heard sniffling noises coming from Meghan’s room. I stood just outside of the door, peeking my head in, and listened.
“I promise you love, it was only a bad dream. Mummy and I would never even dream of leaving you or Danny.” I heard Zayn whispering to her as he held her in his arms. She sniffled a bit more. “You promise?” she asked softly. I smiled as he kissed he wiped the tears from her eyes with his thumb. “I promise.” He cooed before kissing her forehead. I smiled at the sight before me as he started singing her favorite song softly, putting her back to sleep. “Get out, get out, get out of my head and fall into my arms instead…” he sang the song softly as she drifted back to sleep. He stood and carefully tucked her back in, kissing her cheek before leaving the room. He smiled at me as I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his snaked around my waist. “I love you.” I whispered. He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine before responding. “I love you too.” I smiled and we went back downstairs to finish our movie. We had a long road ahead of us, but this was definitely where I belong.
♠ ♠ ♠
Here's part two! Hope you guys like it!Comments are appreciated :D
Ashley x