Fearless

I walked into Dunkin’ Donuts slowly after my morning class, my stomach and brain and heart all fighting to be heard through my nervousness. DO NOT GO IN THERE, they screamed. THIS IS ONLY GOING TO BE AWKWARD.

I ignored them and walked up to the front counter. There was no going back now. After a long, sleepless night, I decided that Harry had been right, no matter how much it pained me to say it. Niall was too sweet of a guy, from what I knew about him, to treat him that way. And I was being slightly immature about the whole thing, I guessed. Being an adult means confronting problems when they arise, not running from them.

I approached the counter, but Niall was busy making something, and his back was turned to me.
His hair had grown out more since I’d last seen him. And, of course, the first thing I said when he turned around and his eyes flashed with recognition was, “Time to re-dye your hair.”

He grinned. “Do you want coffee?”

I debated it for a second before shaking my head. “No. I had some this morning.”

“Ah, Starbucks has taken another prisoner, eh?”

“No, definitely not. I’m always faithful to Dunkin’ Donuts.”

He grinned at me, those crooked teeth glinting in the light of the store. “I’m going on break,” he called to his coworker. Before she could respond, he took off his visor and apron and came around the counter. “Come on, let’s go talk outside.”

My stomach was doing somersaults as I followed him to the spot where we’d gone the first day with Harry, that little secluded bench. “So what’s going on?” he asked immediately, not bothering to beat around the bush any longer.

Instead of giving him a straight answer, I told him, “Harry demanded that I talk to you.”

Niall rolled his eyes. “Always worried for me.”

“Were you really upset that I wasn’t talking to you?”

That took him off-guard. After a pause, he answered, “Well, yeah. You’re my friend, Mocha. I’d be worried if any of my friends suddenly started ignoring me, going to Starbucks so they’d never have to see me, and not answering any of my texts.”

I bit my lip, something that I hadn’t done in years. “I’m sorry,” I told him. Deep breaths, Jazmine. Be an adult. This is going to be a defining moment in your life. Do the right thing. “Look, I really want to be honest with you, so I’m going to, even though I barely know you.”

Niall nodded. “I want you to.”

I struggled inside my mind for the right words to say, the ones that would make him understand without labeling me as white trash or anything. Something that wouldn’t ruin the friendship completely.

And then I chickened out. “I just felt really awkward about the fact that you saw my cousin all drunk like that, and I figured you might have labeled me that I act the same way,” I blurted, spewing out the first lie that came to mind.

Niall blinked. “Why did you think I’d do that?”

“I don’t know,” I answered. God, that was being immature. Saying something, and then not having any basis for why. “I guess I just assume the worst in people.”

“I’d never do that to you, Jazmine. You have my word on that, okay?”

I nodded, wanting to do a whole slew of things that I couldn’t bring myself to do.

Niall seemed to sense it and initiated the hug. This time, I reciprocated confidently, and the embrace was much more comfortable than it had been the first time.

“Maybe we can hang out tonight?” Niall suggested as he got to his feet, all the anxiety and hurt gone from his blue eyes.

“Sure,” I replied. “With Harry and everyone?”

There was an awkward silence, and I realized what he meant. “Um…I meant more along the lines of just you and me. As friends, though.”

I thought about it for a second. “Yeah, sure. Maybe I can help you dye your hair,” I teased.

“Hey, have you looked in the mirror lately?” he chuckled. “Your roots are coming in, too, Ginger.”

“Oh, that’s a much nicer nickname than Mocha,” I responded sarcastically. “By the way, you calling me Jazmine just there? Majorly awkward. You can keep calling me Mocha, if you want. It’s grown on me.”

He laughed. “Yeah. I learned your name a while ago, but I chose not to say it. But saying Jazmine…I don’t like it.”

I smiled at him and ran a hand through my hair. “So it’s settled. I’ll just stay Mocha.”

He nodded in agreement.

“By the way, you should probably get back to work. I have no idea how long we’ve been talking.”

He groaned loudly. “You’re probably right. Ugh…today’s just one of those days where I really don’t want to work. I just want to lie on my bed and watch footie on the telly.”

I stared at him before laughing. “I have no idea what half of that meant, but it sounds nice.”

He snickered. “So should I go to your house tonight at maybe six-ish? Then we could go out for dinner and then hang out at your flat?”

My house? On a Friday night? Oh, no. Not a good idea. “Um, why don’t we meet at yours?” I suggested. “But we can still do the same thing. We’ll just hang out in your dorm room after.”

“Okay,” he agreed, “but I’m just warning you that it’s kind of a mess because of Harry and Louis. The three of us have a triple room. And I know that I’m not going to have the energy after I get out of work to clean it all up.”

I shook my head. “Don’t even worry about it. It won’t bother me.”

“Cool.” He took a couple steps forward, showing that the conversation was over and he was heading back to work. “I’ll be expecting you at six, then.”

“Where’s your dorm?”

He thought about it. “I’ll text you the building later. I’m pretty sure if I just say it, you won’t remember.”

“How do you know that?” I laughed, even though he was probably right.

“You wrote down the directions to the party. I saw you slip the paper into your pocket.” I stared at him. I hadn’t even remembered doing that. “So I figure you’re probably not great with directions.”

“How did you notice that, yet it took you a week to remember my name?”

He didn’t answer, instead just smirking at me before disappearing around the corner to take his place back behind the counter.

For a second, I dwelled in the guilt that I’d lied to him, but it didn’t last long. Looking at the big picture, I knew that was the good thing to do. I didn’t want to weigh him down and make him worry about the truth. Making him think that I was just kind of weird and shallow was a much better plan. Plus, it cleared the air completely and got us to be friends again, which was the main goal all along.

I smiled a little as I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans, walking back to my apartment, knowing that six would never come quickly enough.