Fearless

I smoothed down my shirt in the mirror one more time and let out a breath that I hadn’t realized I was holding. Why the hell was I getting so nervous to be hanging out with a bunch of kids my age? If they were anything like Niall and Harry (which I could assume they were, since they were all friends and everything), I’d get along with them perfectly.

Yet I had butterflies and my face was flushed and my hands were trembling the slightest bit.

I ran a hand down my shirt again, making sure that it was lying just perfectly and getting the sweat off my clammy palms. Sighing, I realized that it was the best that thrift-store-chic was going to get.

Thank God I wore my hair as short as a boy so I didn’t have to worry about how that was turning out. Just a teeny bit of gel, and it cooperated perfectly, no matter what.

“I’m going out,” I announced to Rachel as I walked into the dark living room.

She was lying on the couch, the different lights from the television flashing across her face, a dark blue fleece blanket with a bunch of yellow cartoon stars scattered around it pulled up just under her chin. “Where are you going?” she asked without looking at me.

“I’m going bowling with some kids from my Accounting class.” Okay, a half-truth. But the real story was long and drawn-out and complicated.

“Okay,” was all she said in a response.

There was a long silence as I struggled to ask the words I didn’t want to face. “Are you…” I started before clearing my throat. “Are you going to be okay?”

Just for a second, her blue eyes flicked over to me, a small twinkle of pain in her eye. “I’ll be fine,” she assured me. “I promise that I won’t go out and drink tonight. I’m almost a week sober; I don’t want to ruin it now.”

My stomach tightened. A week. I wanted to remain optimistic, but it was difficult. Whenever she made it this long, she crashed just like a train falling off the tracks.

But I forced a smile on my face and nodded. “Okay, great. So I’ll see you when I get home. I shouldn’t be that late.”

“Have fun,” she granted, her voice distant once again.

Sighing, I walked out of the apartment and shut the door behind me.

And just like that, somehow, I completely forgot all about my pseudo-sister that was moping in the apartment.

* * *

“This is Mocha,” Harry introduced, gesturing toward me as all of his friends sized me up.

“Jazmine,” I corrected. “I told Harry to stop calling me that.”

“Niall gets to call you that,” Harry argued in a whine. I figured he’d jut out his bottom lip to add a little more immaturity to his argument, but no such luck.

I didn’t really know how to answer that, so I just turned back to the rest of the group, ignoring Niall’s quiet chuckle coming from Harry’s other side. “It’s Jazmine,” I clarified.

“Nice to meet you, Jazmine,” one of the boys greeted as he extended a hand, his almond-shaped brown eyes sparkling with friendliness. “I’m Liam.”

I took his hand in mine and shook it with what I hoped was an appropriate amount of firmness.

From there, everyone went around and stated their names: Louis, Zayn, Danielle, Eleanor, Perrie. Although none of them looked the least bit alike, I was petrified that all the names would get jumbled up in my head and I’d screw up. After all, the prospect of meeting and hanging out with so many people at once was absolutely foreign.

“Alright, let’s get going,” Louis started, leading the group, a mischievous smile on his face. “The best people are on the subways this late at night.”

Everyone started forward, and I hung around the back, not wanting to find myself walking next to somebody that I wasn’t familiar with yet.

Something hit against my hand, and I turned to apologize, but Niall’s mouth was against my ear before I could do anything, his brogue even thicker with the softness of his voice. “Don’t worry. If you forget someone’s name, just look at me, and I’ll give you a hint.”

I laughed before turning my head so I could talk back to him. “Thanks. I’ll probably need it.”

He grinned at me, showing off those white, crooked teeth, but he didn’t say anything else.

* * *

I settled down in one of the seats on the subway, Niall on my right, Harry on my left. On Harry’s left sat Eleanor, next to her, Danielle. Perrie was isolated on Niall’s right, busying herself by fixing her hair. Louis, Liam, and Zayn were all stuck standing. And while Liam and Zayn did the normal thing by standing in front of us (Liam in front of Danielle and Eleanor, Zayn in front of Perrie), Louis had different ideas.

“Hello!” he exclaimed excitedly as he sat down next to a man in a well-tailored, very crisp black suit and a gray shirt underneath. “I’m Louis!”

The man looked over at Louis with irritated dark eyes. “Congratulations,” he muttered in a hoarse voice.

“Coming home from work?” Louis continued conversationally.

“Yes,” the man answered shortly, probably hoping that Louis would take the hint and go away.

“That’s great. Got a wife? Kids?”

“I’m married, yes.” His claim was confirmed by the presence of a thin gold band on the ring finger of his left hand.

“But no kids?”

The man turned and gave Louis a stern look, which communicated all he needed to say without needing to open his mouth.

“Mmm,” Louis murmured in agreement. “Kids are just the worst, aren’t they?”

Finally, there was noise among the group, a snicker that managed to escape, despite Harry’s best efforts to keep it quiet.

I looked over at him and cocked an eyebrow, so he explained in a quiet voice, “Sorry. It’s just that Louis’ never stopped talking about how much he wants kids since I’ve met him, so hearing him say that is just hysterical.”

I sat back up, smiling, but I didn’t know Louis well enough to feel in on the joke.

“I would appreciate it,” the man said, not unkindly but still through clenched teeth, “if you would find another place to sit.”

Louis put on a mask of hurt. “Ah, alright. I can take a hint.”

He got up, pulled up his bright blue skinny jeans, and journeyed further down the car, trying to find another poor soul to speak with.

“Oh my God,” I vaguely heard Eleanor mutter from a couple people away. “Why does he feel the need to do this every time we go on the subway?”

“He’s just friendly,” Harry defended, while Liam just laughed.

“I’m friendly, too,” she retorted, “but you don’t see me going up to random people and making a complete ass of myself.”

“Nope, you do just fine all by yourself,” Danielle snickered teasingly.

Eleanor gasped and slapped her friend on the shoulder. “Hey! I resent that.”

Danielle just grinned back at her innocently.

Observing all the chaos around me, I sank down into my seat a little, wondering how I was going to be able to survive the night being my low-key self if everyone else was so insane.