Sugar

Benjamin Michael Ross is that you still up?” a petite voice with a southern twang spoke out in the dark. Click. Miriam heard a growl from her husband who sat in the center of the room at their kitchen table.
She walked over, re wrapping her robe and sitting beside him. “Now what’s that big ol’ furrowed brow doing on such a handsome face?” she said. She put her hands on his forehead and straightened out the deep creeks.
Benjamin’s eyes were closed. His hands were flat palmed on the table and his jaw clenched as if tightened with wire and screws. Miriam stroked the back of his neck and then his ears , Benjamin’s square jaw and then led her hands to his cheeks.
“Talk to me or I’m not making waffles tomorrow- well today. It’s two am! What’s wrong with you?”
“What isn’t wrong with me?” he said in a whisper. Miriam could feel the pain in his voice. She smiled and lifted his chin.
“Well, you got yourself a nice head of hair.” She said. She watched her husband’s thin lips, crook into a smile and then as quickly as it came a dark cloud of despair overtook him and his head was down.
After a few minutes, Miriam sighed and stood up. She took out their tin teapot and set it on to boil. Then she sat back down and took Benjamin’s hands, which were now clenched and very pale. She took a deep breath and put her small hands through his fingers, opening them, with the strength that would usually go into opening the jaw of a dog or as she thought in this case…a lion’s.
“Please talk to me, hun.” She said. She caressed his hands and played with them. She heard her husband give a sigh of release.
“What am I going to do?” he asked._
“Well there is that ugly tree in the backyard with your name on it.” She said. He groaned. “I’m just teasing. What do you mean?”
“I mean. I have no job.”
“Yeah and?” she asked. The tea water was whistling for attention. Miriam went to tend to it.
“And? I got bills up to my neck due and…” he silenced and stood up. Benjamin walked to his wife and stood behind her. He caressed her protruding belly and settled his forehead into the curve of her neck.
“And you’re worried about the baby.” Miriam spoke. Putting the tea leaves in the pot.
“I’m worried about everything, Miriam.” He confessed. Miriam sensed his fear catching on. She could feel it festering like a disease and spreading to her. With this, she straightened her shoulders and turned around to sit back down. She patted the seat next to her.
“What are we going to do?” Benjamin repeated.
“Now you stop your worrying. They’re not starting to call this thing a depression for nothing.” She said.
“Yeah, well I can’t bring a baby into this world with no possibility, no future.”
“Then you find a job.” She said simply. Benjamin scoffed.
“It’s that simple is it?”
“I hear they got great jobs on the road.” She said, getting back up to pour the tea. Benjamin went to help her.
“On the road? Woman, have you lost your right mind.”
“No, but you seemed to have lost yours.”
Benjamin poured the sugar and Miriam grabbed the cookie jar. She sat down and waited for him to join her.
“Benjamin?” she asked. There was no response.
“That was it. The last of the sugar.” He said. Miriam snapped her fingers.
“Well, then we’ll borrow some.”
“From who?” he asked and brought the tea over.
“The neighbors.”
“Like they have any and even if they did, how could we impose? This is what I’m talking about, Mimi. I need to provide. I told your father-“
Miriam gasped.
“That’s it!” she exclaimed. She pinched her husband’s cheeks leaned back into her chair. “My daddy will give you a job.”
She searched his face for any glimmer of appreciation for her idea. She was sadly disappointed to find another brow furrowed.
“What now?” she asked.
“What makes you think I would go begging for a job to your father?”
“The mere fact that you break down when we run out of sugar.” She responded. Benjamin side eyed her. Miriam shrugged it off. “Think about it. He’ll give you a good job, which will make you happy and he’ll have someone to run the business when he retires. It’s a win-win for everyone.”
“I’m not groveling to your father!” Benjamin yelled.
“Fine then!” she yelled back then regained composure. “Then you’ll go on the road?” she asked.
“I thought we discussed that.” He said.
“Did we? Or did you just shoot down my ideas like I’m some ass waiting to carry everything for you and bow down to you. I’m not your property. Swallow your pride.”
Benjamin’s face softened, although the irritation he felt was pestering at the back of his head to come out in mean and hurtful insults.
“I’m sorry, Mimi.” He said. “I just can’t bear the thought of leaving you and Benny junior here alone.”
“I understand, sweet cakes, but you can’t fight this depression. You gotta ride it out. Watch in a year or two it’ll all be over.” She put her hand on his cheek and stroked it softly. He put his hand on hers.
“I can’t go to your dad and I can’t leave you.” He said, not so much it seemed to his wife but to himself, as if to come to a compromise.
He slumped his shoulder and took a sip of tea.
“Hun?” Miriam whispered. Benjamin looked up. “It’s 2 in the morning.”
Benjamin laughed, more to relief the chaos in his head then for actual humor.
“Go on to bed, honey.” He said and kissed her cheek.
“Nun uh. I’ll never get you to bed if you don’t come with me.”
“I’m right behind you. I promise.” Miriam eyed him questioning his true intent. Then she felt sleep fall heavily on her eyes and a yawn escaped her mouth and she indulged him.
She stood up and began to walk out, but stopped for a final word.
“Darling, it’ll work out. Whatever you choose to do. You never know, you might find something out there that you never thought you could have found, but you got to go out and look for it. Don’t sit here feeling sorry for yourself. It’s not helping anybody.” She looked down at her stomach and smoothed out her robe and smiled. She walked out and then walked back in. “Plus we don’t have any sugar and Lord knows your sanity needs it.”
Benjamin laughed.”G’nite, honey.” he heard call out to him.
He heard his wife close their bedroom door and he sat for a while. He thought about what he should have done, tried to focus on which choice was better for him and his new family. Then the words of his wife echoed in his mind and he sighed. He put away the kitchen and turned the lights off. He made up his mind. It was time to swallow his pride and go out and look for opportunity or else sugar wasn’t going to be the only thing they would run out of.