Don't Know How to Stop

23:41

The sky wore a soft color; the clouds had a light grey tone to it but there were hints of a dull purple color too. You could barely tell the difference between the clouds and the sky; it flowed harmoniously together and gave a little light on this spring night. It was relatively quiet out there, a few cars rustling could be heard in the background, but otherwise it was just the regularly footsteps echoing along the sidewalk.

The cause of the sound was a pair of worn canvas shoes scraped along the pavement that belonged to a slender figure - given that the person had no visible curves that the clothes could reveal, he was of the male gender - with dark clothes and the hood was up. His hands were tucked into the pockets to keep some warmth as there was still a chill in the air that pushed its way through his thick shirt. Though it did not matter, he was used to it when he often took nightly walks to clear his chaotic mind; his thoughts never seemed to leave him alone. Unaware of which way he went, with his thoughts in the blue, he walked the usual route through the town, while humming on a random song. If you summed the whole route up it took probably a good 3 hours, depending on how fast you’re walking.

Above him the light in the lamp post flared, which resulted in that the man's head was turned up and the light was bestowed on his face. Dark brown hair that lay flat and framed his narrow face and matching stubble that appeared on the chin. His skin was sun kissed and a pair of hazel eyes was surrounded by black lashes. He was attractive; there was no doubt about it.
The light pole gave off a noise that sounded like "bzzzz" and went out a few seconds after, not that it mattered to him as he already walked further along the road.
The eyebrows were furrowed together and it was like a coat of fog that rested over the brown eyes, a sign that he was not in reality anymore, instead trapped in a memory.



”Fuck it. I’m sorry I just need some time off, okey?” Danny said and his gaze swept over his band mates who had looks of confusion and hurt over their faces. A sigh came from the ginger and he leaned back in the leather couch.

“What do you mean with time off, mate?” James asked and broke the silence that had occurred.
“I mean a break from all the touring and the stress. I need a vacation to focus on something else”

“Like your new fucking band?” Ben snarled and drank from his Jack Daniels. Another sigh came from the lead singer. Cameron stared at the floor with a bitter look; he wasn’t fond of talking about this. It kind of was a dangerous territory that Ben was close to go through.

“Like you’re the one to talk Ben, even you have a solo project.” The fact that Danny actually sounded mature made the whole situation worse.

“A fucking solo project is nothing compared to a new fucking band and you know it.” The lead guitarist stood up and Danny was quick to push him down again. No-one was going anywhere until this conversation was over.

“We can’t keep going on like this, not in this speed. We have been on the road the whole fucking time with Asking Alexandria and most of the time it’s been awesome but…”
“But what?” For the first time Sam said something and all eyes were on him before they went back to Danny again.

“It’s too much. I’ve tried to be better since Seattle but the stress, the on and off-thing with Myca and the constant reminder not to fuck up again is too much for me to handle. Give me a few months; that’s all I need. And it’s not only me who need it; I mean we all are exhausted.”

It was no lie; a few months to rest and be with our loved ones were needed for all of us. The hostile mood slowly disappeared. It was obvious that they all considered it.

“We skip a short tour and delay a few visits to the studio but then we continue as usual?” The bass player said and their singer nodded with a smile; he knew they would agree with him.
“Okey, let’s do it.”

02:18

Around him the birds chirped and with a quick examination, he realized that he had already arrived at the park, which meant he was almost home. He left the pavement and instead went onto a gravel road where he occupied himself by kicking every now and then a few small stones.

His arms tightened and his hands pressed harder down into the pockets as a shudder went through his spine when a cold gust of wind hit him. It was quite cold but nice. However, he would not freeze long as it was only just over half an hour until he would be in the apartment and warm himself by crawl under a warm blanket. The brunette increased the pace and still humming the same tune as before, but now he had lit a cigarette. A sigh left his lips when he realized what was going to wait for him at home, Brittany.

”GOD SAM; you’re so fucking selfish!” She yelled and he bit his lip so he wouldn’t make it worse than it already was. “What about me? What about that I love you and need you? Does that mean anything to you?”

His eyes quickly found her as he stared at her with big eyes. How the fuck could she accuses him like that? That he didn’t love her? Fuck she was so dense. He stepped towards her and cupped her face with his hands.

“Britt, you mean everything to me. Without you I’d lose my fucking mind, don’t ever fucking forget that okey?” His voice wavered a bit because he put so much emotion in those words.
“Lies. That’s all I get nowadays.” She broke away from his grasp to walk to the windows in their living room. “AA means more.”

“That’s different you know that! It’s my job; it’s what I fucking live for Brittany!” He wanted to hit something, but restrained himself – that would probably scare the living shit out of her. “You can’t expect me to choose you before the band. You can’t.”

“All I want is for you to care more, be more like you used to – call me every day to see if I’m fine, surprise me with something sweet and… I don’t know. Act like you love me.”
“But I do!” Sam shouted with frustration.

“You have a weird fucking way showing it; staying out late and party, hanging out with your friends instead of me, it’s like you’re always so damn busy. Even when you’re at home with me it’s like you’re thousand miles away.”

“So this is all about that you don’t like that I’m not always by your side, giving you all my fucking attention? That I have other things in my life that I care about?!” Sam was getting furious now, not because he thought she was wrong, no; it was because it was true. He hadn’t been the best boyfriend lately but he didn’t want to admit it. Not out load at least.

“No, I don’t want your full attention. I just want you to let me in, talk to me about stuff.”
“But I am! I talk to you every fucking day”

“You know I don’t mean it like that Sam.” She dragged her hand through her hair, which made him realize that she was crying. Fuck. “It’s like you’re a stranger, you’ve changed and it’s driving us apart. It scares me Sammy, more than anything.” With that she left the room and, what he guessed, she went to their bedroom and closed the door.

He fell against the couch, which would be his bed for the night, completely drained of emotions.
Which kind of were a good thing; he didn’t want to feel anything anymore.

02:55

As quietly as he could so he shut the door and locked it behind him. He took off his shoes before he went into the apartment, noticed that the bedroom door was still closed (and presumably locked), to the kitchen where he took a beer from the refrigerator. Sam threw a glance at the clock that was on the wall before he dragged himself to the couch where he found a pillow and a blanket lying.

He could not help it that one corner of his mouth was pulled up into a little smile over the gesture. It was these kinds of things that made him think that their relationship would survive after all. The question was only if he really wanted it to. He drank from his beer while he slowly pulled off his clothes until he just wore a pair of black boxers. When the bottle was empty he crawled under the cozy duvet and hoped for a dreamless sleep.