His Treasure

He checked his phone again. It had only been a few minutes, he knew that, but why did it have to take her so long to answer him? Was she too busy for him? Was he messaging her so much that she was ignoring him, hoping that he got the hint?

No. He told himself to calm down. She loved him. She was with him. They’d talked last night about the messages and she’d told him he didn’t bug her like he thought he did.

He turned on the TV and his game station. Too many seconds passed as the game started and while he didn’t keep his eyes off the screen, his mind kept wandering to his girl. She was pretty. Not gorgeous like some of his past girlfriends, who’d had more curves, but he was happy to be with her.

The phone beeped and he paused the game to read what she’d sent. She apologized about how long it had taken her to reply and said how much she missed him. He smiled; replying with meaningless words he knew would make her smile, too. This time he felt a bit more relaxed as he picked up the game controller.

They’d been together for four months now.

His eyes widened as that chased itself in his mind. Too late he realized the game was still going, his character dying before he could really do anything. Annoyed, he turned off the game without saving and lied back on his bed. It was his routine now to lie back on his bed and stare at the ceiling every time he thought about their relationship.

Gaining her trust hadn’t been as easy as he’d hoped. It took months before she finally managed to admit her feelings to him. He remembered how they met, standing on the grass fields of the school, surrounded by their mutual friends. She was standing across from him as they all started a friendly game, one ear bud on, swaying back and forth until her turn came around again. She blushed each time the attention turned to her, fidgeting before looking up at the sky. When the attention focused on the next person, she’d smile and start swaying to her music, not hearing what the others said or caring when they laughed at a joke. She was in her own world and he wanted nothing more than to get rid of the ear bud that kept her so far away from him.

He’d known then that he’d liked her. She was blonde, and though he rarely liked blonde girls, he couldn’t help glancing at her. Unwilling to show others that he was interested in a girl he didn’t know, he kept to himself until the game ended, but before he could introduce himself to her, she disappeared behind a tree.

He peeked around it and her brown eyes turned to him. She turned red, eyes wider than they’d been a few seconds before, and went back to her original spot, making the tree block his view of her once more.

A few days later, he knew her name and they were off together, away from the school and their friends. He told her about his past because he knew it wasn't pretty and didn’t want her hearing things from others. The detached look he got from her as he poured some of his darker secrets to her didn’t help and knew he’d made a fool of himself when the emotions got strong enough that a few tears came out.

She didn’t say much about herself that day, but they made plans to meet up a few days later and even though he asked her questions, she’d say very little, often changing the topic with other things that didn’t matter, but kept them both amused. She wasn’t scared of him as most others were and that both pleased and annoyed him.

His past did affect who he was and he wasn’t ashamed of it, regardless of how society believed he should feel. He could do more damage than she understood, no matter how many times he tried explaining it to her. He’d survived more emotionally and physically damaging things than she ever had, but he didn’t go around showing everyone a happy face when he wasn’t happy like she did. If he wasn’t feeling up for something, he made sure others knew.

He had to change that in her. She was wrong for doing that and it irked him that she thought no one noticed her little façade.

Months passed and he grew more annoyed at her indirect rejections of him. He wanted a straight answer from her. It was obvious enough that she liked him, but every time he got close to getting an answer, she’d get defensive and stop responding to his messages if he persisted. He was a patient man, but months of the same merry-go-round was wearing at his nerves.

He tried forgetting about her. Even went on to date another girl from their school, going over to their friends so that she’d see how happy he could be without her.

It wasn’t what he’d wanted, but the girl was cute enough and kept him company. But his friend pointed out that the two girls looked nearly identical when looked at from behind and he had the misfortune of calling his girl by her name on more than one occasion, always laughing it off, regardless of how annoyed his girl got because it didn’t matter to him. He was trying to get his girl to love him, but she was drifting instead of wanting him more and all that did was make him think of the girl he still wanted; the stupid blonde who wouldn’t answer a simple question with honesty.

For her, he broke up with the girl who’d wanted more physical pleasure than an actual relationship. He’d also wanted the physical, but the girl got stuck on that and kept drifting away from him emotionally. But he stayed with her for a few reasons. It made the blonde jealous, whether she realized it or not, and he’d at least have company.

There came a day where they hung out like they used to, just one on one, and they got together that same night after he broke it off with his girl. She was vulnerable, he knew. Her friend had died recently. But it was his chance. She’d finally opened up to him because of it and had even told him that she liked him. Her only problem was that he wasn’t single, so he made her a promise to break it off with his girl that night and call her back so they could be together.

Now they were four months in. He’d dealt with the drama between her and her mother well enough, opening his doors for her when things got rough and consoling her as best he could. He made her realize her mother wasn’t that great a person, regardless of how many times she’d told herself her mother was the best. The woman had good intentions and he didn’t fail to tell her this, but he couldn’t stand how much damage the woman was causing her because of her own psychological traumas and he didn’t want his girl taking the abuse as if she were a toddler unable to defend herself.

As he glanced back at his phone, he realized half an hour had passed since she’d replied. He tried to calm himself. He didn’t want to tell her the thousands of things running through his mind, but it was too late. His fingers were typing the words and he couldn’t stop himself from tossing the phone after he sent it to her. It was her fault, after all. She flirted too much and didn’t even have enough understanding over situations to realize when she was doing it and when she wasn’t. But she expected him to trust her.

She wouldn’t sleep with him, but he had to trust her without a doubt while knowing she flirted with other men nearly every time she spoke to them. He’d told her many times, but she laughed at him, always brushing it off while saying he was exaggerating, but she just didn’t understand. He understood things better than she did. She was nothing more than a child, not understanding that in the real world where sex happened, cheating happened whether it was planned or accidental, where flirting turned into serious feelings without one’s consent. And it was all because she still had the stupid idea that you could control who you liked by psyching yourself away from someone.

He grabbed his wallet and keys, shoving them into his backpack before shutting the door behind him. She was only one bus stop away and if she was at home studying like she’d told him, it wouldn’t matter. It should actually be a happy surprise for her, he thought while making sure nothing sounded different as he continued messaging her.

He tried calming himself as he entered a small shop a few blocks from her house. He didn't want to be mad at her, but how couldn't he be mad? She was so indifferent to things that were so important.

He watched his hand knock on her door as if he were watching a movie, waiting as he heard the locks disengage. She opened it without asking who it was, a confused look on her face even after she recognized him.

“What’re you doing here?” she asked, stepping out to hug him.

She wasn’t wearing any make-up, her hair up in a messy bun the same way she always wore it when she was trying to concentrate. Her sweatpants and t-shirt hung loosely on her slender frame, his hands lingering on her hips as he stared down at her. It made some part of him ache every time he saw her and when she tried pulling away, he brought his lips down to hers to keep her there, with him, at least for a little while longer.

She responded the same way she always did, willingly, and with the acceptance he craved. Her mouth parted when she felt his tongue and he let out a breath, his hands tightening on her waist briefly before brought one up to cup her face.

She was beautiful.

“I missed you,” he whispered.

They were still holding each other long after the kiss ended, neither wanting space. When they were together, everything else drifted from clarity until all they could see, feel, want, was the other person.

“I missed you, too, babe.”

His eyes scanned her face, hating those words and hating himself for what he was about to do.

“Then why’d you take so long to text me back?” he snapped while stepping back from her. “Why haven’t you invited me in?” The look of hurt in her face seemed more like guilt to him and his lip curled. “There’s someone in there, isn’t there? I’m finally going to see him just like I told you I would.”

She stepped aside and he peeked in, seeing only the light in the living room on, but wanting to hear her confession more than anything else. The guy could be anywhere, but she lived on the third floor with no fire escape, giving him plenty of time to get all the answers he wanted from both of them before he left.

“Go ahead and look,” she said, just as angrily before pushing past him and sitting on the couch where her laptop was, screen still glowing brightly. He glanced at it before her fingers hit the keyboard, dismissing the document as the homework she’d told him about before closing the door and going through every room in her home.

Ten minutes later, he leaned against a wall in her hallway, not wanting to see the pain he’d caused her with another of his jealousy bouts. He stared up at the ceiling, willing himself to be strong and for the tears forming in his eyes to go away as his knees gave out.

He cared about her so much that he was ruining it. Why was it that his fears tainted their relationship so often? Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut?

“Baby.”

His voice was barely above a whisper, but he didn’t dare speak any louder. She would hear the crack in his voice if he did and she would see just how easily she could destroy him.

Shame washed over him and he covered his face with his hands, his legs sprawled out before him. His backpack crunched as he pushed himself further into the wall, wanting to fall through it and take back this moment, but, remembering what lay inside, struggled to remove the straps from his shoulders.

“What?”

Her tone was anything but friendly as he turned to look at her.

“I’m sorry.” Tears fell from his eyes as he looked at her. “You don’t deserve this, I’m sorry.”

She crouched in front of him as he continued to cry, wrapping her arms around him. He pulled her onto his lap, trying to make her comfortable as he held his treasure.

“I got you something,” he mumbled after a while, reaching for the bag he’d put to the side and pulling out the plastic covered roses. “I kinda fucked them up right now, but-”

“They’re beautiful,” she said, barely even looking at them. Her eyes searched his face as they sat there, a sad smile on her lips when he handed them to her.

Everything would be all right, he told himself.

She loved him and he loved her.

She didn’t know about the ring in his pocket yet, but now wasn’t the time.

He just had to be a little more patient. Everything had to be just right for the beautiful woman before him. Everything would be fine when she saw that he wasn’t thinking of her as just another girlfriend.

She’d even stop cheating on him.

He was sure of it.