How I Met Your Mother.

My chest moved up and down as soft snores escaped my mouth. My mind swirled into a blissful dream. A smile slowly crept onto my face as an image of Amanda came into clear view. We were running through a field with greener than green grass just holding hands and laughing. When, Amanda suddenly let go of my hand and looked back at me, “Hey Zach, I bet you twenty bucks that I can race you to the top of the field.

She smirked evilly which I returned, “You’re on, baby. But, I really don’t want to hurt your feelings. Considering, you’re gonna lose!”

Amanda threw her head back and laughed, “You’re so full of shit, Baker.”

“Are you done with your shit talking now or what? So, I can kick your ass!” I said to her as we lined up side to side. “Prepare to eat my dust, pretty boy,” Amanda retorted starkly setting up in running position.

“Bring it on!” I replied kneeling down. “On your mark….get set. Hey, look over there!” Amanda exclaimed pointing towards a certain direction.

“I’m not falling for that!”

“But, you are falling for this!” she retorted shoving me to the grass as she ran, getting a head start while laughing manically.

“You cheater,” I yelled chasing after her as I can still hear Amanda laughing. I picked up my pace, using my training from baseball after all my high school years. Amanda looked over her shoulder and saw I was catching up, “Shit!”

She tried running faster but soon enough I was behind her, “This is pay back!”

I grabbed Amanda around the waist bringing her into my chest as we went tumbling into the grass. She let out a shrill as we ended up rolling down the top of the field which we reached. We laughed uncontrollably as our bodies stopped tumbling and I ended up being on top of her. My weight pressed against her slim frame. Our eyes connected and laughter turned into stifled giggles. Amanda’s cheeks blush even with her beautiful fair skin. She reached out her hand, placing it on my face. I leaned my face further into Amanda’s small hand, kissing her palm. She smiled at the gesture and turned her head back, “Seems like we both won.”

Her head turned back to me and I smiled gently, “Seems like we did.”

Amanda’s hand moved to my hair, running her elegant fingers through it, “Since, we both won. What do we win?”

I grinned to myself, “Well, I don’t know. If I’m speaking for myself but I believe the winners deserve a kiss.”

Amanda’s hazel eyes lit up with mischief. I knew that look all too well, “I don’t know if this winner wants a kiss from a prize.”

“Hey! Every woman wants a kiss from Zacky Vengeance,” I said cockily

Amanda rolled my eyes, “Sometimes, I forget that I’m with a future rock star.”

I laughed at her sarcasm and pinched her side which made her yelp, “Hey, that was mean!”

“Then, don’t be such a smart ass!” I replied her giving an obvious look. Amanda chuckled, “I know but that’s one of the reasons why you love me. Besides, you know I’m pretty damn lucky to snag myself a future rock star.”

Amanda wrapped her arms around me as my arms were placed underneath her back. I placed my forehead against hers, “I would also say the same thing about you being my future rock star wife.”

She looked lovingly into my eyes and sighed dreamily, “I love you, Zacky Vengeance.”

I smirked, “I love you too, Mrs. Vengeance.”

Amanda leaned in and I met her half way. Our lips touched briefly just brushing gently together. Our breaths got heavy until I crashed my lips into hers. We kissed passionately as if our lives depended on it. Amanda’s hands tugged my dark locks and I groaned. I felt her smirk against my lips. That tease.

My hands ran up and down her curvaceous body. The warmth tingled my fingers until I felt a chill. My mind and body froze. What was so cold? Until, my mind completely stopped. My hands were holding something cold. My eyes shot open and there in front of me was a lifeless body.

….Amanda.

There she was. So cold, her eyes closed shut with her hands folded on her chest holding a flower. There she was the love of my life lying lifeless in front of me who I was just kissing. I laughed, “Amanda, you seriously aren’t going to leave me all hard and shit. So, stopped fucking around with me.”

She always teased me like this every time, I was in the mood. Amanda didn’t give me a response. So, this time I grabbed Amanda by the arms ignoring the contrast in coldness to my warmness, “Quit joking around, Manda.”

No response and not even to her nickname which the guys and I had given her. I shook her, “Amanda!”

No response and suddenly I heard a faint sound of crying. I was confused, where was that coming from. I heard it again. I looked around and it seemed like everything was slowed down. Why were the guys and girls here? They probably must have invited themselves to join us which they usually do when Amanda and I wanted alone time. But, for some reason this time seems different. They were dressed in black, holding flowers and why do they look so sad. The sound of crying was heard again. Where the hell was it coming from? It was starting to irritate me. But then, I saw a glimpse of my family what looks like they were consoling Amanda’s family.

Okay, this shit is starting to freak me out. Suddenly, the sound of faint crying turned into loud anguish sobs. Who the hell is crying and why Amanda won’t wake up! I was getting angry and that was until I glanced down and saw wet spots on Amanda’s face. My face was damped. I reached up, wiping my face and looked at my hand….tears.

And that’s when I realized were the crying was coming from…. Me.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks I knew exactly where I was. The nightmare that I kept locked away, Amanda’s funeral. Then the nightmare became more vivid and clear, the pastor spoke a beautiful eulogy but his voice was also slowed down and monotone. I finally got a chance to look at my attire and it was just like everyone else, black.

“You selfish bitch! You weren't supposed to leave us!”

I turned my head to see Nichole yelling at Amanda’s lifeless body as she cried leaning onto the coffin. Syn trying to console his girlfriend, rubbing her back as he painless watched the woman he love cry over her dead best friend. Brian had to carry Nichole back to her seat which Matt had to do earlier to Val.

…dead? Was the love of my life really dead? How can I continue with my life..

My thoughts were interrupted, “Mr. Baker, you have a few words to share,” Pastor Bennington spoke to me as I let out a sigh. I looked at my father who patted my back, nudging his head to the podium. I stood up and began walking towards the small stage where the podium stood. It felt like my walk took forever. But, I finally made it and placed both of my shaky hands on the stand. I let out another sigh as more tears wanted to fall. But, I did not want them too. I cleared my throat, “I’m pretty sure we can all agree that this is the worst day ever.”

The small gathering nodded and sniffled, “But, I also can agree that Amanda would kick our asses if she saw us crying.” That earned a laugh from everybody. I looked up into the sky and smiled softly, “The Amanda we knew…”

I didn't even know how long I was speaking for nor did I know when I was done. But, before I knew it I found myself with everyone else standing around Amanda’s coffin as it was shut and began lowering into the ground.

“My Baby! My only baby,” Angela, Amanda’s mom, shouted loudly dropping to the ground. But, Amanda’s dad caught her just in time and began taking away the grief-stricken woman. One by one, people began leaving. I just stood there, staring blankly at the ground where the woman I was supposed to spend my life with was buried. It had just dawn me that the love of my life was officially gone. A tear rolled down my cheek. Suddenly, two presences were by my side. “I believe someone wants their father,” Dona smiled softly at me as I returned it.

Dona handed me a pink bundle and I carefully cradled the little person to my chest as I glanced at the infant whose green eyes reflected my own. Jimmy chuckled and squeezed my shoulder, “Amanda is smiling down at us right now and I’m pretty damn sure she’s hoping that you don’t drop that baby.”

We laughed and Dona lightly hit the drummer, “After all that practice, she made me do with baby dolls. I pray to god I don’t.”

We laughed again as I stared lovingly at my baby girl who yawned cutely. I sighed, “I’m going to miss her.”

Jimmy chimed in, “We all will, Z. We all will.”

Dona placed a hand on my shoulder and I glanced up at her, “You’re going to be an amazing father to Haven, Zack. Amanda knew that and we know that. This little girl is going to have a great life that Amanda sacrificed for and we damn sure will make that happen. You’re not alone, Z. We’re here for you.”

The Rev wrapped his arm proudly around his girlfriend as he nodded his head in agreement. I smiled at my two friends, “I know and I really appreciate you guys.”

They smiled at me and said that they’ll see me back at the house. With that, they walked away leaving me and my daughter alone.

My daughter….wow.

I glanced down at the sleeping baby and I couldn't help but smile at the fact Amanda and I brought this beautiful human being into this world. We knew that Amanda was sacrificing a lot to have this baby. But, she really wanted it. That’s how much of a selfless person she was and here I am with our miracle child. I looked up into the sky and spoke softly, “We’re going to be doing alright.” And with that, I kissed my daughter tiny forehead and spoke to her, “Let’s go home.”

I woke up in a complete sweat. My breathing was heaving as I turned my head to the clock which read 3:15am. I let out a sigh and knew I wasn't going back to sleep anymore. I threw the covers off my legs and got out of bed not before letting myself even out my breath. I ran my hand over my face and stood up from my bed. I walked out my room and down the hall where I can see different colored lights coming from Haven’s night light. I pushed opened the door and saw the five year sprawled out on the bed with her leg dangling off the bed. Haven’s plush duck on the floor with the rest of her toys. I laughed to myself still wondering if she got the way she sleeps from me. I walked into her room, picking up the plush duck and began adjusting the toddler in the bed. I placed the duck under Haven’s arm, brushing her curls back and leaned down kissing her cheek. I smiled to myself and turned my head, looking at the last photo of Amanda which I placed on Haven’s drawer as an everyday reminder to never forget what her mother looked like. Amanda looked beautiful and happy in the portrait. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have her. But then, I realized. Amanda wouldn't want me to still agonize over her death. She wanted me to be happy and in love like I was with her.

Something had to change. I looked at my daughter one last time and left the room. I made my way down the stairs, waking up Ichabod in the process. I told him to shush and he just went back to sleep. He was always a good dog. I grabbed my phone, looked for a familiar number and hit call. I pressed the phone against my ear as it rang and waited. Then, a groggy voice answered after the third ring, “Zack?”

I stood up from the chair and let out a sigh, “Brian, I’m ready."