I'm Coming for You

It was the worst day of my entire day. My absolutely worst day ever. So much…pain? Was it even pain? Pain wasn't supposed to be that…that bad. This was bad. It felt like someone had ripped out my heart. As if they had literally pinned me down and used their nails and fingers to dig through the skin, breaking every bone that was trying to stop them, and finally grabbing his heart and ripping out. And that was just the pain that I had felt the moment my mother had told me what had happened.

"Jack, baby, I'm so sorry…i'm so sorry but Luke's…Luke's…he's dead honey.."

I remembered my mother's voice as if it was yesterday. Actually it was a month ago. I remember that pain. That pain that had literally hit me. And it just increased. Kept getting worse. Of course it would! My fucking Luke was dead because some…some stupid people at that fucking god forsaken fosterhome had decided that a fucking fag wasn't worth living.

They took my Luke….because…because he was dating me…

He was dead…dead because of me.

I was the reason he was dead…It was me who first kissed him. He just returned it. Would he of been alive now, if I hadn't been so selfish and kissed him despite knowing that most of the kids he sadly had to live with, was homophobes. I just had to kiss him. I just had to….taste him. It was been so fucking foolish. So stupid. So fucking lame.

I pressed my lips against his. I felt him tense slightly but didn't move away and eventually his lips started moving. Not away, but against mine. He had returned the kiss. And I was the happiest kid alive.

Fuck it, I should never of put my own happiness in front of his safety. I'm so fucking stupid.

With a shaking hand, i took another drag of the cigarette I was holding loosely and I took a drag, before exhaling into the cold air.

"I miss you so much…" I mumbled to no one particular. Bullshit. I mumbled it to him, to my Luke. Even though he wasn't there.

I miss him…I miss him so fucking much. It's like…nothing is real anymore. Like i'm stuck in some horrible, horrible fucking nightmare where I can't escape from. I fucking need him back in my arms.

I need him back in my arms so that i can tell him over and over again just how fucking unbeliably beautiful he was. He never really did realize that. Always eating a bit too little, not really believing that he was god to honest perfect in both soul and apparence. I need to make sure he knows how perfect he is!

I miss how…how his eyes shone up at the most childish, how that exact look in his eyes would make my day. What wrong did I do to have him taken away from me? Is it fucking fair?

Give me him back. Give him back to me. It hurts. It hurts. I don't want to be without him for fuck's sake. Get him back for me!

I ran a hand through my hair, breathing heavily. My heart felt like it was clenching and I felt tears threaten to fall. And then I would sob. And then i would hyperventilate.

I can't do this anymore. I can't. I need him too much.

"I love you so much you stupid fucker. Why the fuck did you leave?" I snap, looking up at the moon. I take a deep breath and sigh and lift the gun to my head.

"I'm coming for y-"