Status: I will update as often as possible
Self Destruction
Chapter 10 (Ben's POV)
Who could that have been to make her freak out like that? I stay out in the living room with the guys for a couple minutes then I start to get worried. Why was this phone call taking her so long. I get up to go check on her. I knock on the door.
“Emmie? Are you okay love?” There’s a big pause.
“Yes, hun. I’m just going to take a shower.” Her voice sounds odd. I think she’s upset but is trying to hide it. I should push this issue right now.
“Okay. Just come talk to me when you are done. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“Kay.” I think our conversation is over. I walk away as I hear the shower start. I think I hear crying. This just makes me want to go pound whoever it was on the phone. The guys can see that I am upset by this. Danny speaks first.
“Benny, whats wrong? Is she okay?”
“I don’t know. She seems really upset but she won’t talk. She wouldn’t even let me open the door. Then when I was walking away I could hear crying. Why won’t she let me in?” My voice cracks as tears begin to fall.
“Ben, didn’t you say that he father abuses her?” Sam askes
“Yes.”
“Then maybe she isn’t used to letting people in. She probably is used to taking the world on by herself and no one will help her or will be there for comfort. All you can do right now is wait for her to get out of the shower and talk to her then. Comfort her then. Let her calm herself down first.” I realize that Sam has a point. I just need to let her come out and calm herself down. I won’t help right now. After around 10 minutes I hear a door open. I stand up And start walking toward her. Her makeup is smudged and her eyes are puffy. I hurry up to her and give her a big hug, pulling her into my chest. She starts to shake. I hear her start to cry.
“Love? What’s wrong? Talk to me. I will always be here for you sweetheart. Just tell me what happened.” She cries harder. I kiss her forehead and tilt her head up so she is looking at me. “Just tell me what happened.”
“I’m so sorry Ben.” More tears fall and she buries her head back in my chest.
“Sorry for what? What happened?” I’m beginning to get more worried.
“I cut myself Ben. I promised you I wouldn’t but I did. I’m so sorry. I broke my promise. I’m so angry at myself right now. I did throw everything away but there are always other ways. I wish…” I cut her off with a kiss.
“Emmie, I’m not mad at you. These things happen. I wish you didn’t but I won’t judge you. I promise. Just tell me why. That’s all I want to know. I want to try and make it better. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.” I walk her to my bunk and lay her down. I hold her to my chest and she starts to talk.
“My dad called me. He wanted me to come home. He kept calling me a fat slut and a whore. He said he was going to come find me if I didn’t come home. And you know what I did? I told him to do it! I told him to come find me! I called him a drunk and I swore at him. What if he finds me? I got really upset and I was trying to calm down when you knocked. I thought that a shower would relax me. I kept thinking of everything he has called me. I tore apart my razor. I started to cut. A different cut for each thing. I ended up with 9 cuts. Then I thought of the promise I made you. That made me more upset. I cut again. I have 10 cuts now. I broke my promise 10 times.” She cried more. I started to cry. I can’t believe this is happening to her. She doesn’t deserve this. “Ben baby, why are you crying?”
“Because I hate seeing you cry. You shouldn’t have to put up with this. I am so sorry. Please just say you will be okay. Please tell me that you won’t leave and go back to him. I don’t want you put back in that place. I worried for you. I always will be. Even if I am right next to you.”
“I promise that I won’t leave. I don’t want to. I want to stay with you. I hate it there.” I kiss her and wrap my arms around her. She falls asleep and I kiss her forehead.
“I love you Emmie. Please don’t ever leave.” Then I fall asleep to her breathing.
“Emmie? Are you okay love?” There’s a big pause.
“Yes, hun. I’m just going to take a shower.” Her voice sounds odd. I think she’s upset but is trying to hide it. I should push this issue right now.
“Okay. Just come talk to me when you are done. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“Kay.” I think our conversation is over. I walk away as I hear the shower start. I think I hear crying. This just makes me want to go pound whoever it was on the phone. The guys can see that I am upset by this. Danny speaks first.
“Benny, whats wrong? Is she okay?”
“I don’t know. She seems really upset but she won’t talk. She wouldn’t even let me open the door. Then when I was walking away I could hear crying. Why won’t she let me in?” My voice cracks as tears begin to fall.
“Ben, didn’t you say that he father abuses her?” Sam askes
“Yes.”
“Then maybe she isn’t used to letting people in. She probably is used to taking the world on by herself and no one will help her or will be there for comfort. All you can do right now is wait for her to get out of the shower and talk to her then. Comfort her then. Let her calm herself down first.” I realize that Sam has a point. I just need to let her come out and calm herself down. I won’t help right now. After around 10 minutes I hear a door open. I stand up And start walking toward her. Her makeup is smudged and her eyes are puffy. I hurry up to her and give her a big hug, pulling her into my chest. She starts to shake. I hear her start to cry.
“Love? What’s wrong? Talk to me. I will always be here for you sweetheart. Just tell me what happened.” She cries harder. I kiss her forehead and tilt her head up so she is looking at me. “Just tell me what happened.”
“I’m so sorry Ben.” More tears fall and she buries her head back in my chest.
“Sorry for what? What happened?” I’m beginning to get more worried.
“I cut myself Ben. I promised you I wouldn’t but I did. I’m so sorry. I broke my promise. I’m so angry at myself right now. I did throw everything away but there are always other ways. I wish…” I cut her off with a kiss.
“Emmie, I’m not mad at you. These things happen. I wish you didn’t but I won’t judge you. I promise. Just tell me why. That’s all I want to know. I want to try and make it better. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.” I walk her to my bunk and lay her down. I hold her to my chest and she starts to talk.
“My dad called me. He wanted me to come home. He kept calling me a fat slut and a whore. He said he was going to come find me if I didn’t come home. And you know what I did? I told him to do it! I told him to come find me! I called him a drunk and I swore at him. What if he finds me? I got really upset and I was trying to calm down when you knocked. I thought that a shower would relax me. I kept thinking of everything he has called me. I tore apart my razor. I started to cut. A different cut for each thing. I ended up with 9 cuts. Then I thought of the promise I made you. That made me more upset. I cut again. I have 10 cuts now. I broke my promise 10 times.” She cried more. I started to cry. I can’t believe this is happening to her. She doesn’t deserve this. “Ben baby, why are you crying?”
“Because I hate seeing you cry. You shouldn’t have to put up with this. I am so sorry. Please just say you will be okay. Please tell me that you won’t leave and go back to him. I don’t want you put back in that place. I worried for you. I always will be. Even if I am right next to you.”
“I promise that I won’t leave. I don’t want to. I want to stay with you. I hate it there.” I kiss her and wrap my arms around her. She falls asleep and I kiss her forehead.
“I love you Emmie. Please don’t ever leave.” Then I fall asleep to her breathing.