Self Destruction

I focus back on my computer trying to decide on what to do. I must've had a weird look on my face because Sam looks over at me.
"What's up?"
"Just Ben, did you see that look? I feel like something's bothering him."
"Oh don't worry about him. He can be the jealous type. When he loves someone, he really means it."
"Oh.. Does he have a reason to be worried? Because he doesn't have the face when he leaves me with Danny and no offence, he seems like a bigger whore."
"No. He has nothing to worry about. You're beautiful and everything but..."
"But what? Eyes on someone else?" I nudge him with my good hand and smile. More of a half smile because of how swollen my face is.
"Don't tell anyone okay?"
"Okay."
"Yeah.. I do.. But it makes me seem like a terrible person."
"Well who is it? It can't be too bad."
"Cam's sister."
"Oh. Well I can see why you'd be hesitant. But If you guys are best friends, it shouldn't be a problem. Just talk to him. See where it goes." I try to move but I end up moving my leg the wrong way and I wince. I hope it wasn't loud enough for him to hear.
"You okay? Want me to get your meds?" Motherfucker. Oh well. Painkillers should help.
"Yes please." I smile and try to fix the way my leg was laying. He comes back in handing me three pills, two of each, and a glass of water. I thank him and swallow all 6 at once. I wince and laugh. "God those are terrible!"
"I think they always are." He laughs, "Thank you for the advice anyway."
"You're very welcome." he focuses back on the game and I look back at my computer. I decide to just watch him play instead. I attempt to understand what's going on but before long I fall asleep against the wall.

I wake up to a kiss on the forehead. It's Ben. I smile.
"Hello sweetheart."
"Hey love. How’d you sleep?"
"Alright I guess. As good as I could without being able to move that much."
"Well that’s good I guess. Do you want to get settled back in our bunk?" I think about what Sam said about he jealousy issues.
"You don’t want me in here do you?"
"Not exactly. It makes me feel weird."
"Then sure. Help me?"
"Of course." I hold my good arm up and he picks me up, carrying me back to our bunk. "Call me when you wake up again babe okay? That way I know when to come back."
"Okay. Will you bring me more meds?"
"Yeah." He walks out into the kitchen and within a couple seconds I fall back asleep curled up with a pillow.

My phone ringing wakes me up again. I didn't realize how tired I was! I look at the caller ID and my heart sinks. It's him. I have to answer.
"Hello?"
Hey Emilia, I just needed to hear from you. I miss you baby. I miss your touch. Please come back to me.
"I.. I can't. You know that."
Please I need you. You're my other half. You're perfect. You know me better than anyone else ever will. Please baby.
"Just.. Just leave me alone okay?" I hang up the phone and I start shaking. This only causes pain. Why is he calling me now? My abusive, controlling ex-boyfriend. Dad must of put him up to it. He did always like Davy. I get a text from the same number.

*I guess I'll never be good enough for you. You're such a bitch you know that right? Dumping the only one who could treat you the way you should be. The dumbass you're with now will realize that eventually and figure out that you're not as innocent as you say you are* I drop my phone with tears in my eyes. I'm about to call to Sam for my meds to help control some of this pain but then I see all the bottles next to me. Gotta love Ben. Giving me the tools for my downfall.. I reach for my pills with my good hand and dump some into my mouth. I swallow them all with much difficulty and I reach for my purse to grab my razor. One last time will I do this. I start carving. Before long my vision starts getting fuzzy and I lay back. I let one last tear fall before I drift to unconsciousness.