I Could Be Your Ever After?

Once again, I found myself in the crowd for a Marianas Trench concert. My friend, Tessa, surprised me with tickets this morning. This time it was at a different venue and I wasn’t in the general admission section, I was going to be sitting the red section of the place. Though I left Josh just yesterday, I was still in no position to pass up a Marianas Trench concert.

Their music was everything to me and being able to see them live two nights in a row well that was just an incredible opportunity and I gladly took the ticket and agreed to go. I knew it was going to be another unforgettable experience.

See, one of the reasons I said yes was because this moment must have been decided by fate. I knew that this was going to be my gateway into seeing Josh again and apologizing. I would be able to see where things would go with him tonight. The only thing I was sure of was that I needed to get to him some way, somehow. I’d just have to figure out how I’d manage to do so.

I know I was a royal bitch last night, picking up and leaving before he even woke up, but I just couldn’t help it. Josh, he’s famous and is on tour and will be away from his place for most of the time. There was no way I’d be able have a life like that. Then again, who ever said that Josh would want to build a life with me? I don’t know why that thought even crossed my mind in the first place. My point being, leaving was the right choice. Well that’s what I thought at that time.

Do I wonder what would have happened if I stayed? Of course I do. It’s practically all I’ve been able to think about. Maybe if I stayed, Josh would be bringing me on stage and he’d be singing to me. After the concert we’d eat a wonderful dinner, then we’d go to some fancy hotel and make love ‘till sun rise, but that wasn’t going to be happening tonight, unless my plan actually worked out.

He was singing “By Now” and I was singing along extremely loudly. My best friend, Tessa, she kept on laughing at me. It was all in fun of course, because she was just as big of a fan as I was. Though she always says “I may be a fan, but you Leighton, you’re freakin’ obsessed.” I simply laughed. Tessa is great and I couldn’t be happier that she took me here. I began to get all giddy and she gave me a funny look. I knew that Josh was about to belt out and use that power house voice that he had.

Thinking about the sex we had. It was great sex, the most amazing sex I ever had. I’ve had sex my fair share of times, but nothing beat the sex Josh and I had just last night. There was a lot to love in terms of the sex we had.

Did I mention he wasn’t exactly small?

Okay Leighton, stop this, back to the concert.

“Girl, you okay?” Tessa asked.

“I’m fine,” I said and I smiled.

“Really??” she asked.

“Yes! You know how I am when it comes to Marianas Trench’s music!” I said.

“True!”

With that, we stood up because he began to play “Cross My Heart.” I loved that song. Tessa and I were dancing and singing and we were having such a great time. Tessa and I always made Marianas Trench a party, so being here together and seeing them live, it made our party multiply by ten thousand degrees of awesome!

“Thank you! We’re Marianas Trench!” Josh yelled.

They all took a bow and made hearts for the audience.

I knew that this was my chance and I needed to take it. I wasn’t sure how I was going to tell Tessa I needed to run and meet josh. I hadn’t exactly told her about what happened yet. Damn, I didn’t think this plan through enough.

I didn’t think about how I would get to him or what I’d say when I saw him.

“Hey Tess,”

“Ya?”

“You can go outside, there’s something I need to do.” I said.

“Hmmm?”

“Yes, just go outside, I need to do something,”

“All right, I won’t ask questions. Except one, are you coming back with me?”

“I’ll text you,” I said.

“Sounds good,”

She and I hugged and we parted ways.

I felt a huge amount of nerves in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t believe that I was going to see him; I was going to tell him how sorry I was. Hopefully he’d forgive me and he’d kiss me and then we’d just take things from there.

I still felt like complete and utter shit for leaving, but this was my chance to make it up to him. This was a chance to make everything right. It really hadn’t been such a long time, but maybe he already forgot about me. No, after the night we had together, there’s no way he forgot. The night we had was amazing, he had to remember it.

I ran down the few steps and tried to get as close to the stage without having security question my presence. As I got closer, I noticed that Josh was there. I couldn’t believe this, Josh was right there and I was going to tell him how I felt.

“Jo-”

I stopped dead in my tracks, Josh was talking to another girl and she grabbed his hand. I felt my heart drop; this was the worst feeling in the fucking world. How could he-no wait a second- Josh did nothing wrong, it was my entire fault. I was the one who left without a word. I just left a stupid the one who left without a word. I just left a stupid note and left before he even woke up. I ran out as fast as I could have from that hotel room. I was scared. I just was thinking about myself and I didn’t even think about his feelings. In that moment though, I didn’t think Josh had real feelings. I did wonder about his feelings right now, but he’s with another girl, so I guess that answers my question.

I sat down and I felt tears prick my eyes. I should have known that this was a bad idea. I should have known that someone like Josh would be able to get any girl he wanted. I felt like such a moron. I can’t understand why I thought that coming to this concert meant that I had another chance with Josh. I guess me coming here just made me realize that I’ll never speak to Josh again. I just wish that I hadn’t made the mistake of leaving him and I wish that I hadn’t try to come back and fix this. There was a reason that I left him the way I did. Staying would have led to heartbreak, but I guess it was deserved heartbreak.

I slumped down to the floor and the tears just poured down my face. I couldn’t control them even if I wanted to. The realization that I walked away from him hurts more than anything else.

“Leighton?”

I looked up and I saw Mike, hand in hand with a very beautiful girl.

“Mike,” I said.

That was all that could exit my mouth. He looked shocked that I was sitting there. In all honesty I was surprised that I was there too.

“He just-”

“I saw,” I said

He looked down to the floor.

“He made a mistake, when he finds out,” Mike looked off to the side.

“Don’t tell him, it seems as though I’ve done enough damage,” I said.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes again.

“Damage?” He asked.

I nodded my head.

“I left. I was dumb to think he wouldn’t find another girl,”

I saw Mike and his girl’s face sink, she seemed to feel really bad.

“But he only-”

I interrupted again.

“Whatever the reason, I don’t want to know.” I said.

She looked at me with a sincere in her eyes and she walked over to me.

“I know it may not be my place, but if Mike stopped to talk to you, you’re an awesome girl. Josh, I’ve known him for a while, and he’s going to regret this choice that he made. He wasn’t himself tonight.” She said.

A small smile crept onto my lips, it was sweet, but it wasn’t able to cute how shitty I was feeling.

“By the way, this is Leilani, my wife,” Mike said

“Oh!” I said with a tinge of excitement.

“You’re a very beautiful girl,” she said.

“Thanks, you’re beautiful too,” I said.

She smiled and Mike nodded his head in agreement. They were adorable together.

“I’ve known Josh for quite the years and I know him well enough to know that this decision will bring major regret on him.” he said.

“Well please, don’t tell him,” I said

Mike just stared blankly at me.

“Even if you do, I’ll never see him again,” I said

“That’s a real shame, even Ian remembered your name,” he said.

I assumed that if Ian remembered my name that it must be a good thing.

Damn, I really fucked up...

I looked toward Leilani and she just nodded with a hint of a smile.

Mike walked over and hugged me.

“Nice seeing you, and I hope this won’t be the last time,”

“Nice seeing you too! And it was wonderful to meet you Leilani,” I said

“You too dear,”

They both walked off hand in hand and it was just me left. The tears just began to pour down my face and there was no way I would be able to control it.

I called Tessa quickly.

“I’m coming now,” I said.

I wiped the tears away as I walked over to her car. I hoped in and I just wanted to sob all over again, but I couldn’t do that here.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Yes. I’m fine.” I said bitterly.

“You sure about that?” she asked with a decent amount of concern.

She could read right through my lies.

“No,” I said.

“Want to talk about it?” She asked.

“Not here,” I said.

“Alright, where are we off to?” She asked

I was in no mood to start picking a place where we should go.

“Surprise me,” I said.

“My place it is then!”

She drove fairly quickly; I guessed that she was really interested to hear what I had to say. Our ride was pretty much silent, except for the soft Marianas Trench music playing in the background.
When we go in to her place, I just kicked off everything and threw myself on her couch. I was tired.

“No lazyness!” she said

I shot her a glare.

“Couch drinking it is!”

She and I sat down and discussed my issues over Bailey’s and a little drop of coffee every now and again. I just poured everything out on her and she was being very attentive.

“So let me get this straight,”

Uh oh...

“You slept with Josh, last night, and left this morning without even saying bye?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Why?”

Her face was still in complete shock.

“Because, if I stayed, I wouldn’t have been able to leave,” I said.

“And what would have been bad because?”

When she asked questions, the apples of her cheeks would rise up and she looked like a little chipmunk.

“It was a one time deal for Josh,”

“But how would-”

I cut her off.

“I went to go see him tonight, after the concert, to apologize and tell him that I should have said bye, but...”

“But?”

“He had just left with someone else,” I said.

“Oh,”

Her face fell a little.

“It’s my own doing,” I said.

“Don’t blame yourself,” she said

A tear began to roll down my eye, ultimately it was my fault.

“More Bailey’s?”

“Yes please.”

I chugged down the Bailey’s in my glad. It felt quite lovely as it went down my throat.

“More!” I shouted

Tessa obeyed and poured more into my glass.

“It really wasn’t your fault though,” She said.

“Actuallyy, yesss, it was,” I semi-slurred

“How was it your fault? Tell me, how?”

“I left, I, I was, the one. Who, uh, left him.”

“True,” she said

“S-so, you agree?” I asked.

“Not exactly, I don’t think you should have left, but at the same time you did think it was a one time deal.” She said.

“Exactly, a one,time,deal,” I said
~~~~

My eyes shot open and all I saw was the baby blue colored walls. Where the hell was I?

“What the fuck?” I yelled.

“You passed out,” she said

She was awfully nonchalant about it too.

I looked around and I noticed that I was in Tessa’s spare room.

“How is that possible?”

“One too many glasses of Bailey’s,” She said.

“Why didn’t you stop me?” I asked.

She giggled a little bit.

“For one, you wouldn’t have let me and secondly, you were doing terrible.”

Another giggle exited her lips.

“Yes, please laugh at me!” I said

“It was pretty great I must say, you were going to cry at one point, so the Bailey’s came in handy,”

“Haha,” I mocked laughed.

I tried to turn over and my back hurt.

“Ow!”

She tapped my shoulder to see what was wrong, but it felt like a truck had just run over it.

“Fuck!”

“Shit, sorry. I think you hit really hard,”

“One question, how did I get to bed?” I asked.

She smiled.

“I brought you here before you passed out,” She said.

“That would make sense,”

She sat down on the bed and lightly padded my head. That hurt too, but not as much as the shoulder grab.

“You remember what you said last night?” she asked.

“I think I do,” I said.

“What was the last thing you said?” She asked.

I had a bad feeling about this question.

“Last thing I remember saying was, ‘it was a onetime deal’”

“Oh,” she said with a slight snicker

“Is that a bad thing?”

I’m not even sure why I asked, I knew it was a really bad thing. This meant that I said more than I remembered.

“Well I wouldn’t say it was a bad thing, you just said more than you think you did,” she said.
“Figures,”

“Want me to tell you?” she asked.

She looked like a little kid in a candy store. How could I say no?

“Sure, what the hell did I say?”

It felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest. A Bead of sweat was running down my head.

What the hell more did I say?

“You told me that it was the best sex you ever had!”

I blushed at that comment, it was true. The sex that Josh and I had was mind blowing. I didn’t think that sex could be that amazing honestly.

“What else?” I asked.

“Wait, is that true? Was it really the best sex ever?”

I nodded my head and my hair bounced along with my movement.

Damn, the crick in my neck hurt a lot more than it should have.

“Girl!” She shouted.

“Shh,” I said

I told her to shush mainly because my head would pound the second she began to yell.

“Sorry,”

“You also told me that he was down to earth, funny, charming and really alluring. You said that it felt like you had known each other for years on end. You also said...” she trailed off.

“Said what?” I asked.

“No, no it’s nothing,”

“Tell me, I’m not stupid. I know it’s something,” I said.

“You said it felt like he was your boyfriend,”

I began to cry. It was such a messed up feeling that I was having right now. I said that he felt like he was my friend, which was true, but that just makes me picking up and leaving that much harder on me. I knew that it had felt that way, but I tried to push that feeling away and I thought I did a good job of forgetting that feeling. I guess I was wrong because I actually spoke those words. Fuck, I messed up more than I thought.

“Don’t cry,”

“I messed up Tess,” I said.

“Why?”

“I left. I could have stayed. You know, I saw Mike last night,” I said.

“Are you serious?”

I just nodded my head.

“And you left again?” She asked in disbelief

“Yes, he already left,” I said.

“Well why didn’t you go after him?”

“I couldn’t!”

“Mike’s probably going to tell him,” she said.

“I told him not to,”

“Leigh, really?” she asked.

I didn’t know what to say.

“If Mike is Josh’s real friend, he’ll say it.”

I just nodded my head and the tears kept coming down. I felt like such a bitch right now. I left Josh once and then asked Mike to not tell him that he saw me. Fuck, I deserved all of this pain. I was the stupid one, it was all my fault.

Now it was time to face the music.