Wanted

Eliza took a drag from her cigarette and placed it in the ashtray to rest while she picked her guitar up again. She started strumming, tuning her voice to the guitar as she played a riff. Shifting around, she made herself more comfortable and pushed her sunglasses higher on her nose.

Her eyes fluttered closed as she started to sing along with her guitar. The breeze felt good on her skin and she shook the hairs that had escaped from the bun on top of her head. Opening her eyes as she held a note, she looked out over the ocean and smiled.

Behind her, the door opened and closed and she smiled as Brian’s arms enclosed around her, halting her singing. Her head tilted to the left as his lips grazed her neck and moved up to her cheek to press a kiss there. His arms lingered around her and he didn’t move once he’d rested his cheek against hers.

“I’ve missed you being here,” he said quietly. “I missed hearing you sing all the time.”

“All you had to do was buy my CDs,” she replied, cheekily.

Brian squeezed her.

“I’m kidding, babe. I missed being here, too. It’s like…I was living in this huge fog or something and being here just lifted it. Not to mention, having my band and my boys in one city is just a blessing.”

“Speaking of your boys,” Brian started as he let go of her.

He moved around to the front of the chair and pulled the guitar from her hands. Once he’d set it on the table, he pulled another chair to face her and sat on the edge of it, resting his elbows on his knees and looking at her.

“Brian, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I promise. I just wanted to give you something. The twins had these made about a week ago. I was gonna give it to you the other night, but I just didn’t think it would be right then. So, with that being said…”

Eliza watched as Brian pulled a box from his pocket and opened it, pulling out a long chain with something on the end of it. He held it out in his fingers and she leaned forward, delicately taking the necklace from his fingers.

“What is it?”

“The twins took pieces of Jimmy’s drum set and made necklaces for everyone. We’ve all got them,” Brian said, pulling his own from underneath his shirt. “They wanted to give it to you but I wanted to be the one to do it.”

“Oh, my gosh,” she said, looking at the piece of metal that dangled from her fingertips. “That’s incredible.”

Smiling, Eliza stood up and turned around so her back was facing Brian. He scooted back in his chair and she sat down on the edge in front of him, handing him the necklace. Even though she could have very easily slipped it over her head, Brian smiled as he fastened the clasp in place behind her neck. Kissing her shoulder, he pulled her back so she was leaning against him and wrapped his arms around her. She pulled her legs up so her heels were resting on the edge of the seat and smile as she looked out over the beach.

A woman was running with her dog beside her as the sun shone brightly over the morning. They were happy to enjoy the last hour or two they had with each other before Shades of Grey had to go back to San Diego for the show. Eliza had been more than content to stay right where she was, but she knew she would eventually have to continue the tour. Thankfully, they only had five shows left before Korn headed off to Europe for the next leg of their tour.

After the last sow in Portland, Oregon, Eliza was flying to New York with Brian following right behind her. He was going to help her pack up the last of her things before they drove her Mustang back to Huntington Beach. Honestly, she couldn’t wait to finish packing her things because that meant things were real. She felt a difference this time and couldn’t wait to get back home.

“I was thinking…”

Eliza closed her eyes, smiled, and leaned her head back so it was resting on Brian’s shoulder, leaning into him. “Thinking about what?”

“Maybe after we get back from New York, you and I could get up to Black Bear for a week or two, if you want.”

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” Eliza said, kissing his cheek.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s get you ready to get back to Crap Diego. By the way… looks like the curling iron got you again.”

Eliza froze as they stood up and her hand made a slapping noise as she gripped her neck. “Did you fucking leave hickeys on me?!”

Brian just smiled a smug smile before showing his teeth and walking off. In a loud string of curses all aimed at him, she followed him inside.



Eliza was beyond ecstatic on how well the show in San Diego went, especially when all of the guys came out to support the band and Korn. They also made the two hour trek to Bakersfield to see the huge homecoming of the headlining band.

The closer the buses got to Bakersfield, the more excited Jonathan got. She’d decided to ride in their bus to be able to talk to Jonathan. He had asked her to come on stage and sing “Freak on a Leash” with him, so she climbed onto their bus to jam with them for the three and a half hours it took to get to the venue.

“Sorry we couldn’t do anything closer to Huntington,” he said as Eliza took a drag of her cigarette.

“Better Bakersfield than any place. It’s your tour and your home. We’re just happy to be going with you. I don’t know if I ever really thanked you for this opportunity.”

“Hell, Eliza, your band is fucking awesome. You guys deserve more respect, especially with your voice.”

She blushed as her phone buzzed on the table in front of her. She picked it up and opened the text message from Brian.

“Call me when you get a second.”

She frowned but stood up and pressed the phone to her ear after selecting his name. She walked to the back of the sitting area as he answered.

“Hey,” he breathed out.

“Hey, babe. What’s going on?”

“Uh, you got some mail today. It looked important so I hope you don’t mind if I opened it.”

“Sure, that’s fine,” she said, crossing her arm over her chest. “What was it?”

“A summons to court. Looks like Jocelyn is finally going to be going on trial.”

Eliza’s breath froze in her throat. She’d all but forgotten about them and what they’d done to her. Blinking, she tried to breathe again. Turning around she saw Jonathan on his laptop, his right hand twirling a piece of his hair in his hands. His eyes were on her. Nervously, she whirled around again.

“So what does that mean?”

“It means,” he said, breathing out a gust of air, “That we are going to be in New York for a while longer than we thought. Don’t worry, princess, it’s going to be okay.”

Eliza had immediately felt the tension drain out of her as Brian said “we”. She was going to have to ask Katie to come, as well, knowing she was going to need a lot of support, especially since she hadn’t thought of what had happened to her in a very long time.

“I know,” she breathed out.

“I love you and I’ll see you tonight, okay? Don’t think about it too much.”

“I won’t. Love you, too.”

She pressed the red button on her phone and turned back to Jonathan. He didn’t say anything as she sat back down beside him, Nine Inch Nails playing from his laptop, the setlist for the night displayed on the screen.



Eliza ran her hand over the shorts she was wearing. Her pink-heeled feet clicked against the wooden floor, the weight of her guitar in front of her. Her more-green-than-hazel eyes flicked around the backstage area at all the people moving around. Slinging her guitar around so it rested against her back, she grabbed hands with her band mates, said a prayer and went through their pre-show ritual.
Grabbing a cup, they passed around the bottle of crown, pouring themselves shots.

“Have a great fucking show,” Dom said.

They lifted their cups, downed the shots, and Eliza poured herself another drink before the lights went down and the crowd roared. From her spot she could see the crowd cheering. More than half of what she could see had on Korn shirts, but every once in a while she could see a shirt with their logo on it. Smiling, she took a sip of her drink as Dom and Hunter made their way to the stage.

Dave, their sound guy took her drink from her and set it on the speaker. She straightened out her guitar as Wiki made her way to the drums. The crowd cheered loudly and she headed towards her spot on the stage.

The lights were bright and blasted on as the first chords sounded from her guitar. She and Hunter both played in time as she made her way to the microphone. Hunter’s voice came over the speakers and in her earpiece as he began the song. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Val and Katie screaming, the guys standing behind them. She could see Brian’s hands in the air, his index and pinky up on both hands as her voice melded with Hunter’s.

Once the song was over, she took a sip of her drink and spoke into the microphone, inducing a huge roar from the crowd. Honestly, she couldn’t remember what she’d said, but she smiled as she started the next song, from their sophomore album.

“I told you I was hurt, bleeding on the inside. I told you I was lost, in the middle of my life.
There’s times I stayed alive for you, there’s times I would’ve died for you, there’s times it didn’t matter at all…

Will you help me find the right way up, or let me take the wrong way down? Will you straighten me out or make me take the long way around? I took the low road in, I’ll take the high road out. I’ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can’t live without.

Standing in the dark I can see your shadow. You’re the only light that’s breaking through the window.

There’s times I stayed alive for you, there’s times I would’ve died for you, there’s times it didn’t matter at all…

Will you help me find the right way up or let me take the wrong way down? Will you straighten me out or make me take the long way around?

I took the low road in. I’ll take the high road out. I’ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can’t live without

We’ll I’m not gonna give it away; Not gonna let it go, just to wake up someday gone! Gone! The worst part is looking back and knowing that I was wrong

Help me find the right way up, or let me take the wrong way down. Will you straighten me out or make me take the long way around? I took the low road in, I’ll take the high road out. I’ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can’t live without

I’ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can’t live without,”

Eliza smiled as she finished the song, whirling around as she saw Brian smile at her. She made eye contact with Hunter and smiled at him as they queued up the next song.

The crowd roaring spurred her on during the show. The cheers went up as she sang “Hero” and “Emergency”, a new song that brought forth the female voices from the crowd. The popular “Blood” was next, Eliza making sure her voice was extra hardcore for the screaming part which made everyone scream louder. She could even hear her friends in the front row.

“I Miss The Misery” was next, followed by “Whispers in the Dark” and “Hopeless”. When she’d finished “Hopeless”, she moved up to the microphone and took it in both hands.

“This past December, I lost someone very dear to me. He wasn’t just dear to me, but he was a brother to all of my friends, especially the members of Avenged Sevenfold who are here tonight,” she broke from the microphone as the deafening sound of the crowd reached her. Smiling, she leaned back in. “These next two songs are dedicated to Jimmy Sullivan in remembrance of him. The first song, he wrote for me before he passed and the second song is my tribute to him. It will always have a spot in my heart, just like him. Here’s to you, Jimmy.”

Cheers erupted from the crowd, but the small group at the front looked with confused faces around at each other. Eventually, they all turned towards Brian.

“Did you know she was gonna do this?”

“No,” Brian said, frowning. “I didn’t even know Jimmy had written her a song.”

All eyes turned towards Eliza as she started to play her guitar, Wiki and the rest of the band following in a measure later.

“I have nothing left to give; I have found the perfect end. You were made to make it hurt; disappear into the dirt. Carry me to heaven's arms; Light the way and let me go. Take the time to take my breath. I will end where I began

And I will find the enemy within, ‘cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin…

Dear Agony just let go of me; suffer slowly. Is this the way it's gotta be? Dear Agony…

Suddenly the lights go out. Let forever drag me down, I will fight for one last breath; I will fight until the end and I will find the enemy within, ‘cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin.

Dear Agony just let go of me; suffer slowly. Is this the way it's gotta be? Don't bury me faceless enemy. I'm so sorry. Is this the way it's gotta be? Dear Agony….

Leave me alone; God let me go. I'm blue and cold, black sky will burn, love pull me down; hate lift me up. Just turn around… there's nothing left. Somewhere far beyond this world I feel nothing anymore…

Dear Agony just let go of me, suffer slowly. Is this the way it's gotta be? Don't bury me faceless enemy. I'm so sorry. Is this the way it's gotta be? Dear Agony… I feel nothing anymore,”

Sniffing and opening her eyes, Eliza stepped from the microphone and cleared her throat. She looked around and nodded at all of her band members before reaching a hand up to swipe at a stray tear. Unfortunately, Brian saw it. He almost hopped the fence then to climb on stage, his first reaction, but he stopped himself.

Eliza stepped back up to the microphone as a series of string instruments started to play a dark song. She took the pick in her hand and flicked it across one of the strings on her guitar, the sign for everyone else to fall in.

“White walls surround us, no light will touch your face again. Rain taps the window as we sleep among the dead.

Days go on forever, but I have not left your side. We can chase the dark together; If you go then so will I…

There is nothing left of you, I can see it in your eyes. Sing the anthem of the angels and say the last goodbye.

Cold light above us; hope fills the heart and fades away. Skin white as winter as the sky returns to grey.

Days go on forever but I have not left your side. We can chase the dark together; If you go then so will I…

There is nothing left of you; I can see it in your eyes. Sing the anthem of the angels and say the last goodbye. I keep holding onto you but I can't bring you back to life. Sing the anthem of the angels then say the last goodbye…

There is nothing left of you, I can see it in your eyes. Sing the anthem of the angels and say the last goodbye. I keep holding onto you, but I can't bring you back to life. Sing the anthem of the angels and say the last goodbye…”

Eliza stood away from the microphone and closed her eyes, smiling softly, remembering Jimmy’s smile.