Wanted

A loud thump woke Eliza up the next morning. She blinked her eyes open and looked around the living room. The television was still on, but Jimmy wasn’t on the couch. She blinked again and realized he’d fallen off the other side of the sectional couch and was sleeping on the floor. She laughed and then yawned, sitting up to stretch. She looked around the house and realized it was a complete mess. Even though they were still having two more nights of partying and it wasn’t even Halloween yet, she figured the house needed to be cleaned.

She found her cell phone in her bra and saw that it was a little before eight in the morning. She’d fallen asleep five hours before, but she felt extremely refreshed. She quietly tiptoed out of the room and began to clean up the house as well as the backyard.

Once she’d straightened everything up, she came back inside to see Jimmy was still asleep on the floor. She rolled her eyes and shook her head, but she covered him up with the blanket he’d left on the couch. When she’d finished with that, she went upstairs to the guest room and pulled out the bag of extra clothes and toiletries she’d brought with her, heading to the bathroom.

Less than an hour later, she felt even better as she flipped her head over to pile it into a messy bun on top of her head. She walked back into her room as Jimmy walked in.

“Fuck me, Eliza. Jesus, do you not wear clothes?” he asked, referring to her bra and underwear-clad body.

“Since when do you care, Jimmy? Do I have to worry about you ravaging my body?” she asked with a smile as she pulled on her shorts.

“No, you’re not my type,” he said, sticking his tongue out. “Come talk to me while I shower.”

“Alright. Go get in and I’ll be in there in a minute.”

“Sweet,” he said before turning on his heel to run into his room.

She pulled on a white tank top and put all of her jewelry on before picking up her makeup bag. She glanced down at her wrists and laughed. On her left arm, all of her collected bracelets were resting, and on her right, the guitar pick bracelet Brian had gotten her clinked against the skeleton key cuff Jimmy had given her the day before. Around her neck, she still wore the music note they’d given her two years prior, and the coffin with the wings she’d found at the mall. She wore the skeleton ring on her thumb Brian had given her as well, and the music note ring Val had given her was on her pointer finger. She was going to run out of places to put the jewelry if her friends didn’t stop giving stuff to her.

She picked up her sunglasses that were on her nightstand and put them on top of her head before plugging up her phone. She put on the pair of skull earrings that were sitting on the bedside table and turned to leave the room. Once inside Jimmy’s bedroom, she turned to his docking station and pushed play on his iPod, turning the volume up.

She left the door open in Jimmy’s bathroom to let the steam out and she moved things around on his master bathroom counter before climbing on top of it. She sat cross-legged, facing the mirror, and started working on her makeup.

“So what are you guys gonna be tonight?” Jimmy asked over the water.

“You guys,” she said with a smile.

“Are you serious?”

“Yep, we’re all dressing up as Avenged,” Eliza said, applying the dark eye shadow to her lids.

“That’s cool. Who are you going to be?”

“I’m not sure. I think it’s between you and Brian. Everyone was going to do their counterpart, but considering the circumstances, I don’t think I’ll be Brian. I think Wiki was going to be you, since she’s a drummer, too, but I think we may switch.”

“How are you doing with that, by the way?”

“I’m fine,” Eliza said, pausing in her makeup to think.

It was killing her inside, keeping things from her friends. The only people that knew exactly what was going on were Wiki and Thomas. Thomas had walked in on her and Brian talking one day, and Wiki had overheard her and Thomas talking about it. Everyone else, except Zacky, now, was completely in the dark about it. She desperately wanted to tell them everything, that she needed to talk to him and be with him, but she knew they wouldn’t approve.

“I feel like I’ve been way too harsh on you, Cheese.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, blinking back to reality.

“I mean, I was all ‘I forbid you two to talk’, but then I realized I’m not your dad, and I can’t control you. I can only suggest that you don’t get back into a relationship with him, but if you wanted to, that’s completely up to you two.”

“I think if we did date again, things would have to go slower than they had been going.”

“So what do you want to do first?” he asked, changing subjects.

She closed the lid to her eyeliner and looked down, picking out a mascara bottle. “Well, let’s hear some of those tracks you’ve been working on, first. Then we’ll move on and do whatever.”

“Sounds good to me,” he said, shutting off the water. He reached for a towel from behind the curtain and it disappeared into the shower. “Thanks for cleaning up, by the way.”

“No problem. Are you hungry?”

“Fucking starving,” he said, stepping out of the shower with the towel wrapped around his waist.

“Alright, I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

“Deal!”

Eliza climbed off of the counter, picked up her makeup bag and took it to her guest room. She tossed it on the bed and pulled on her sandals before heading downstairs. She made her way to the kitchen and started looking for things to fix. She found some pancake mix hidden in the back of a cupboard and pulled it out, finding a bowl. In the refrigerator, she found eggs and bacon, and she pulled those out, too.

When Jimmy came downstairs, she was almost finished. He saw her flipping the last three pancakes that were in the skillet, and he sat down on the stool at the island. When the three were done, she put them on a plate that was sitting in the microwave, keeping the rest warm, and put them in front of him. She’d already set out two plates, napkins, forks and knives.

He started building his plate as she sat down.

“Thanks, Cheese.”

“Anytime, guy,” she said, smiling.

“So, do you want to tell me about your nightmare?”

Eliza choked on the water she was taking a sip of. “Excuse me?”

“I heard you and Zacky talking yesterday morning. You’ve been talking with Brian again.”

“Christ,” Eliza said, putting her forehead on her forehead.

“Uh, Rev, but okay.”

“Jesus, what is it with you guys and Johnny!” Eliza said, laughing. “I did the same thing yesterday and Zacky got so offended. I know who you are!”

“I’m picking,” Jimmy said, smiling. “But I’m serious about Brian. Are you two talking again?”

“Yes,” Eliza said, sighing. There was no use in lying now. “We’ve been talking for months now.”

“Have you slept with him?”

“No,” she replied, turning to face him directly. “We’ve been talking on Skype, mostly. We talk on the phone every once in a while. I went to his house yesterday because I had a nightmare about him. We went back to sleep, woke up, talked, got coffee, and he brought me to Zacky’s.”

“What did you guys talk about?”

“A relationship.”

“What did you two decide on?”

“We decided that if we were going to have one, we were going to have to get back to what we had before: a friendship. Before he and I got together, everything was fine. We have to be friends again before we can think about dating, or else it’ll fail again. If it does fail, I’m scared that things between you and me and everyone else will suffer, and I don’t want that.”

“That’s good. I’ve been trying to tell you that all along. That’s why I didn’t want you two to rush into things. I still don’t think you two should talk now, but it looks like you’re going to do whatever the fuck you want.”

Eliza winced and Jimmy saw it.

“I didn’t mean that to sound so harsh, Cheese. I just mean it doesn’t really matter what any of us says because you’re gonna do what you feel is right.”

“Are you going to play music for me or not?” Eliza asked, standing up to clear the dishes.

Jimmy sighed. This conversation hadn’t gone well.



“Now tell me you love me,” Jimmy said, smiling at Eliza.

They’d spent the rest of the morning listening to Jimmy’s ideas for their new album. He’d almost completely written a new song, ‘Fiction’, and was working on several others that Eliza helped him with.

They were sitting on the couch currently, resting. He’d found his old video camera and was filming her. She’d been saying stupid things, and she decided to take it a step further. She faked a British accent and looked at him.

“James, you are the love of my life, I can guarantee that.”

They both laughed and Eliza rested her head on the back of the couch. She was sitting cross-legged on one of the couches while Jimmy was lying down on the other one, his camera trained on her.

“Sing for the camera, Eliza.”

She rolled her eyes but picked up the guitar beside her. “What am I singing?”

“My fucking favorite!”

She rolled her eyes again but strummed ‘Zombie’ by the Cranberries.

She cleared her throat and sucked air into her stomach.

“Another head hangs lowly, child is slowly taken. And the violence caused such silence, who are we mistaken? But you see, it's not me, it's not my family. In your head, in your head they are fighting, with their tanks and their bombs, and their bombs and their guns. In your head, in your head, they are crying...

In your head, in your head, zombie, zombie, zombie. Hey, hey, hey. What's in your head, in your head, zombie, zombie, zombie?”

She closed her eyes as she continued to sing, knowing Jimmy’s camera was trained on her. When she’d finished the song, she set down the guitar and looked at him.

“Uh, you’re not done yet, Cheddar. Keep going,” he said motioning for her to continue.

She dropped her head back on the couch. “My voice coach is gonna kill me.”

“He’ll probably praise you for using your pipes,” Jimmy said, snickering.

“Fine. What do you want me to sing?”

“Anything.”

She thought for a minute before pulling out her cell phone. She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward on the couch.

“Shh, quiet you might piss somebody off,” she whispered in a hoarse voice before she stood up and ran to where he was sitting.

She jumped on top of him, making him shift his position and she was sitting on his lap.

“Like me motherfucker, you’ve been at it for too long,” she said as they got situated.

Jimmy turned the camera around so they could see themselves and Eliza pulled up her music on her phone and selected “Critical Acclaim” from the list and played it. They spent the next few minutes singing their own version of the song.

“I want to hear you scream, madam,” Jimmy said in his own fake British accent.

“Like, should I just scream right now?”

“No, stupid. I want to hear you scream in a song.”

“Oh, well…find a song, then!”

“I will, thank you. You hold this,” he said, shoving her off of him after he gave her the camera.

“Wait, I’ve got a new song we just recorded. I’ll scream that,” she said, throwing him her phone.
He caught it and plugged it into the giant stereo.

“This one it’s on?” he asked.

“Yep, and turn it up loud.”

“Why?”

“I hate screaming with quiet music.”

“Makes sense,” he said shrugging as he turned the volume knob to the right. He then moved over to the other couch, taking the camera away from her.

The music started and Eliza nodded along until she started speaking.

“I hate you for the sacrifices you made for me. I hate you for every time you ever bled for me. I hate you for the way you smile when you look at me. I hate you for never taking control of me. I hate you for always saving me from myself. I hate you for always choosing me and not someone else. I hate you for always pulling me back from the edge. I hate you for every kind word you ever said. I’ll bleed you dry now,” she sang and then took in a deep breath, looking at Jimmy.

“Blood blood blood, pump mud through my veins. Shut your dirty, dirty mouth. I’m not that easy! Blood, blood, blood. Pump mud through my veins. I’m a dirty, dirty girl; I want it filthy.”

She motioned for him to stop the music and he did before slowly turning around to look at her.

“Holy fuck, Eliza.”

She let out an unnatural girly giggle and he blinked at her.

“I want to hear another one,” he said, jumping over the back of the couch.

“Aw, Jimmy..” she said.

“No, come on, Eliza! Sing again!”

She groaned. “Fine. What do you want me to sing? I’m hungry.”

“Alright, fine. Sing two more songs and then we can go get something to eat.”

“H’okay. You name the songs.”

“Sing something else that you’ve written.”

“Oh, I know the one!” Eliza said, jumping up.

She moved to her iPod where she picked a song. Jimmy had to turn around to get her on camera. She faced away from him until she screamed, and she turned around.

“I've been a mess since you stayed, I've been a wreck since you changed. Don't let me get in your way. I miss the lies and the pain, the fights that keep us awake-ake-ake. I'm tellin you!

I miss the bad things, the way you hate me. I miss the screaming, the way that you blame me! Miss the phone calls, when it's your fault. I miss the late nights, don't miss you at all! I like the kick in the face, and the things you do to me! I love the way that it hurts! I don't miss you, I miss the misery!”

“So who did you write that about?” Jimmy asked, smiling.

“Actually, Wiki wrote that one. She sings it with me.”

“That’s intense,” he said, nodding. “Now we’re gonna take it down a notch.”

“Oh, you have a song picked out?”

“Yes,” he said and handed her the camera before moving to the iPod.

“You automatically assume I’ve got it on my iPod.”

“I know you have it on here because I’ve heard you sing it before.”

“Oh, okay…”

Jimmy pressed ‘play’ and moved to sit back on the couch, pulling her into him. He was sitting up and she was lying with her back pressed into his side. She smiled when she heard the music.

“All Time Low?” she asked, scrunching up her nose as she tilted her head back to look at him.

“Guilty pleasure,” he said laughing.

"Weirdo," she said, shaking her head.

She nodded along with the music and watched as Jimmy set the camera on the back of the couch so it could capture both of them. Then, his voice filled the room.

“He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes; Started making his way past 2 in the morning. He hasn't been sober for days.

Leaning now into the breeze, remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees. They had breakfast together, but two eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs.

Now this place seems familiar to him; she pulled on his hand with a devilish grin. She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs. Left him dying to get in…

Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling, I'm calling at night. I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl? She's been running through my dreams and it's driving me crazy, it seems. I'm going to ask her to marry me…

Even though she doesn't believe in love, he's determined to call her bluff. Who could deny these butterflies? They're filling his gut.

Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces he pleads though he tries, but he's only denied. Now he's dying to get inside…

Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling, I'm calling at night. I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl? She's been running through my dreams and it's driving me crazy, it seems. I'm going to ask her to marry me…

The neighbors said she moved away. Funny how it rained all day. I didn't think much of it then but it's starting to all make sense. Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds are following me in my desperate endeavor to find my whoever, wherever she may be…”

Eliza took in a breath of air.

“I'm not coming back. I've done something so terrible. I'm terrified to speak but you'd expect that from me. I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just washing you out of my hair and out of my mind. Keeping an eye on the world, from so many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now. I'm at home in the clouds, and towering over your head.”

Jimmy smiled, nodding along. “I guess I’ll go home now…I guess I’ll go home now… I guess I’ll go home now, I guess I’ll go home.”

“Aww, Jimmy, that was beautiful!” she said, turning and wiping a fake tear from her eye.

He rolled his eyes and shoved her away from him, standing to stop the camera and her iPod.

“Jimmy? Eliza?” they heard from upstairs.

“Come on, bitch. Let’s go make you something to eat and then get you fucking sexy for tonight.”

"I'm going as you," she said, laughing.

"I know. You can't be walkin' around here looking fucking stupid if you're gonna be me. I'm the sexiest part of this fucking band!"