Without You It's Hard To Survive

I woke up later 3:30 the next afternoon to a knocking on my door, “hey Shelbikins, are you awake yet? Everyone else is already gone and I wanna get home kinda soon.”

I sighed in relief to hear Damien, I sat up then rubbed the sleep from my sore eyes,”yeah bro, just gimme a minute.” I was still in my swimsuit from yesterday but just decided to pull on pre-worn clothes from earlier this weekend. We're just going home, then I'm taking a shower, no point in dirtying anything. I packed my stuff quickly then left to find Damien.

“How ya feel,” Damien gave me a week smile as I sat down next to him. I shrugged as he pulled me closer resting my head on his shoulder, I could feel tears start forming so I pinched the bridge of nose. Damien chuckled and hugged me, “why are you so torn up about this? It was just a kiss ,we were all drunk, having a good time, being stupid. It's no biggie.”

I sat up right and shook my head at him, I could my voice crack a bit as a few tears fell,”no, he has a girlfriend. That was never supposed to happen last night. It's not fair to her, I fucked up, I'm the other woman again Damien. Why does this always happen?”

“I don't know,” he pulled me back into a hug and let me cry, “please quit crying though, you know I can't stand it when you cry. I promise it'll all work out though, everything will be okay Shelbs.” We sat there for a couple minutes till Damien cleared his throat then sighed, “when I was a young boy, said put away those young boys ways. Now that I'm getting older, so much older. I long for those young boy days?”

I sat up and laughed at him,”I love you so much dude, I don't know where I'd be with out you and the others.” I wiped my tears as we stood up and made our way to Damien's car. That statement couldn't be any truer, we have this giant weird relationship where nobody that doesn't know us can't tell who's marrying who.

The ride back home was quiet for the most part, I tossed my bag in the floor of bedroom then took a quick shower. The warm water and being clean helped me feel some what better, but it didn't fix anything or keep from over thinking about it. That's what I do though, I over think, I over worry, and I panic. After my shower I tried to sneak back in to my room to get dressed when I heard not one, but two Australian voices coming from our game and movie room. I hurried to my room and pulled on my Vengeance University basketball jersey and a pair of green ball shorts. I decided I'd go out and hang with Murphy for a while, maybe even till Cam and who was probably Bilko left. I opened my door to find my African Grey parrot Gandolf looking up at me, I picked him and placed him on my shoulder as I walked through the kitchen and to the barn around back.

I closed the barn door behind me then walked over to my donkey,”hey Murphy, I hope you're not mad at me for leaving you this weekend. It's okay if you are though, it ended pretty shitty anyway, but seeing you always makes me happy.” I laughed at myself as I wrapped my arms around Murphy neck in a hug, Gandi crawled off my shoulder and on to Murphy's neck,” look at boys being all cute.”

I pulled my phone out of my pocket to take a picture when I saw I had multiple missed calls and messages from Cam, they all pretty much said the same thing, “Can we talk?”, “Please answer me, what happen wasn't a big a deal.” I scoffed then took a couple pictures of Murphy and Gandi. I sat down on a bench and turned my phone screen to Murphy. “do you see this? What happened wasn't a big deal...uhh, yeah bro. It was. Murphy I kissed a guy who has a girlfriend, not only did I kiss him, I sexy danced and that part was on purpose. What do I do Murph?”

I worked around the barn, picking up, and straightening out a couple things for a few hours. It was well past dark my now so I figured the guys must be gone, I placed Gandi on my shoulder and made my way back into the house to where the rest of the family was. I didn't see Cam or Bilko so I took the seat beside Tiffany and Damien on the love seat, they're so skinny that together they only take up one side. Wes and Ashton were curled up together on the sofa, with one of the Saw movies playing. They all gave me a weird look but smiled anyway, I raised an eyebrow at them and went to say something when a loud clap with a holler cut me off.

“Shit,” was all I could say as Bilko did a little dance into the room and took a seat beside Ashton on the sofa while waving at me with goofy smile.

I went to stand up but Tiffany grabbed my arm then whispered in my ear,”please stay, just play it off like you're not bothered. We were worried about you all day.”

I sat down and just looked at the floor till Cam walked in and took a seat in the recliner. I sighed quietly then kept my eyes glued to the screen till my phone buzzed in my hand. Looking at it I saw another name I didn't want to see aside from “Cammy”, it was Kody. My long time ex-boyfriend, but still pretty close friend. I tilled to my phone towards Tiffany, “should I answer it?”

She glared at the phone then smiled at me, “nope. Not unless you tell him to fuck off.”

I giggled and opened the text then replied to his simple ”Hey” with, “Sorry I didn't text you back the other night, when I reached for my phone I knocked my pop off the nightstand and on to me and everything else. By the time I cleaned it up I was mad and dead tired.”

Tiffany smacked my leg hard, “I know for a fact that was not two words, nor was it a longer way to tell him to fuck off!”

I rubbed my leg, “I know, but I'm not gonna be mean to him. He clearly wants to talk about something cause he text me the other night but I ignored it, he's always been there to listen to my shit I can at least be there for him.”

Wes, Ashton, and Damien all sent me evil looks, then Wes pointed at me, “Shelby no. Bad. You either tell Kody to fuck off or we'll do it for you while you're asleep. He's a class A asshole and wants only one thing from you.”

I sunk back in seat cause I knew what Wes is saying was true, “fine, I'll never talk to him again after tonight, just let me talk to him this once,”

Damien pushed Tiffany forward a little then whispered,”if you want to stop being the other woman then just stop talking to him now or things will never work out. Every time you get close to someone you always back away because Kody has make you think you owe him something.”

I looked down at the new text and wiped tear from my eyes, “okay.”

A series of normal, playful, silly text happened between me and Kody for about thirty minutes until I opened this, “before I forget of fall asleep, tonight will be the last time you will have received a txt from me without first having sent me one.”

I stared the words for a moment before handing the phone to Tiffany, “can you translate this for me?”

She took my phone and shared it with Damien before passing it to Wes & Ashton,”I think he's saying he's not gonna text you first anymore....maybe?” They passed my phone back and agreed with what Tiffany said.

About ten minutes had passed when I looked around the room, I'm confused now, but my eyes couldn't help but land on Cam who was watching me instead of the tv. I wanted to cry again, but not just because of what happened on the boat, but with what just happened in the last couple of text. I looked down at my phone then to Tiffany,” I...I think Kody just re-dumped me.”

“Re-dumped you,” Bilko chuckled lightly while him and Cam gave me a funny look, but everyone else sat up and spoke in unison, “What?! Why?!”

I sat my phone in Tiffany's lap,”umm...I think because I never had sex with him when we dated, and because I hardly ever talk to him first, it's always him that talks to me first?”

“Yep, that's totally it. Dude, what a dick,” Tiffany started to pass my phone around as I stood up.

I placed my hands on hips and laughed lightly,”I'm not sure how to feel about this guys....I'm really pissed but I'm really hurt all at the same time.”

“You should be pissed, who the hell does he think he his?! He knows damn good and well why you wouldn't have sex with him over like eight years ago, and he's still gonna try and make you feel like shit about it? He got his trailer park queen and that's who he's stuck with,” Ashton was preaching to the whole house.

Bilko moved away from her and closer to the edge,”I feel like I've missed the first season of some crazy tv show.”

Wes laughed hard at Bilko, “oooh buddy, you have no clue.”

I smiled a little then walked slowly for the doors that lead to the pool area,”I'm just gonna go think bout this...and uhh...who's gonna be there for me when I really need them.”

I sat down on one of the pool side chairs indian style and took a deep breath then let it out slowly. Well I was not expecting that, I guess it was about time it happened though, I'm sick of him only talking to me when he wants to hear some fantasy over the phone. I'm not like that, it's not different than cheating on someone physically. I don't regret not having sex with him, I didn't even like him that much for the few months we were together my 10th grade year, plus he knows why I'm super awkward about sex. Now he's trying to pretty much tell me I own him sex because he helped me become more comfortable with talking about sex? I don't think so mister, you can shove that up your ass.

“I'll be here for you Shelb, you know that right?” I wiped away a few tears that fallen while I was thinking then looked up to see Cam taking a seat in front of me in the same chair.

I huffed and rolled my eyes,”I have a whole a house of people that are here for me when I need someone to talk to. You just....nobody gets it, so just forget about it. I hear the same bullshit all the time and I'm tired of trying to explain it.”

“No, I do get it. You want someone that you can hang out with, just you and them...but you want to be more than just friends. You want what your friends have, it's not that hard to tell,” he turned to face me and put a foot on both sides of the chair.

I wiped my eyes again the shrugged,”okay, so you do get it, but that doesn't help anything cause you can't be the one there so what's it even matter to you? You have someone there for you back in Australia , hopefully she won't hate your fucking guts when she finds out what happened last night.”

Cam chuckled and put his hands on my knees, “I don't have a girlfriend, I haven't for a couple months now. Is that why you freaked out last night and why you've been ignoring me?”

I relaxed and laughed a little then smacked his chest,”I have been freaking out all day because I thought for sure that I had gone a pulled some trashy home wrecker stunt and completely ruined a relationship!”

He rubbed his chest and laughed at me, “I thought you knew, I'm sorry. I've gone all day and last night thinking you hated me for kissing you.”

“Yeah right, like that'll happen,” I blushed then pulled my hair over to one side.

Cam scooted closer to me on the chair with a small smirk painted on his face,”really now? So does this mean that...I can.... kiss you again?”

I started to blush bright red so I looked down and my hands then back up to him, I just smiled at him as he inched closer to my face looking me in the eyes. I giggled nervously when I felt his hand brush my hair out of my face making him chuckle lightly as his lips landed on mine. I leaned in closer to him as our kiss quickly became a giggling make-out session, but was brought to a quick end by a loud thud and yelling in the distance. We pulled away from each other and laughed.

I bit my bottom lip as he looked me in the eyes again,”so does this mean...that we're...more than just friends now?”

He smiled and shrugged,”well that depends on if you'll be my girlfriend...and not giggle so much the next time we make out, it makes things difficult.”

I laughed and nodded,”sorry, it's just that his is only like...the second time I've ever...ya know...made out with anyone.”

He just laughed the stood up then pulled my hand so I would stand too,”after your little show last night, I find that very hard to believe.”

I blushed as Cam put an arm over my shoulders and walked us towards the sliding glass door that opens to the game room,”can we just act like last night never happened?”

“Yeah right, you flashed me, I got a lap dance, and made out with you. No way I'm forgetting that,” he was laughing as we walked back in the house and both sat in the recliner.

Everybody gave me a weird look as I turned on my side and laid my head on Cam's chest to be more comfortable. Bilko gasped then jumped up,”no way sista, I ain't sharin.” I laughed at him as he walked over and sat on Cam's lap then laid back. Cam groaned loudly from under Bilko's mess of black hair then smacked his stomach,”get off me.”

Bilko stood up and gave me a puppy face, I sighed and sat up,”fine, I know what we can do. Damien will you and Tiffany trade us spots?”

Damien jumped up pulling Tiffany with him and waved his arm in front of the couch like he was showing a new car,”yes. Go ahead, take it. You just get on this couch, and the three of ya just make a big ole bunch of cuddle.”

We all raised an eyebrow at him and moved to the love seat making Cam sit in the middle. I looked over to Bilko and made a childish face,”happy now?”Cam wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer to him, I rested my head on his chest again so I comfortably watch the movie but fell asleep.