Without You It's Hard To Survive

“Shelby?!” Both Ashton and Tiffany called out for me as I looked up from the bloody clothes in the sink, I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked up at them when someone turned the ipod dock from full blast to barely audible.

I cleared my throat and turned to them even though I knew my voice would be hard to hear from screaming,”yeah?”

They both walked up to me with matching concerned expressions, and sat the bags they held in the floor then each reached for a hand but I crossed my arms,”are you okay?”

I nodded trying to hold back more tears,”yeah, I'm just bummed about Cam leaving that's all.”

“Don't lie to us, there is no way in hell this is about Cam! You're blaring angry, revenge, I'll bury your ass alive kinda of music, there's something shredded to pieces all over the yard, there's blood trail all over the place and your clothes in the sink...now unless you killed him I'm thinking this isn't about Cam,” Ashton put her hands on her hips and took a motherly tone with me.

“You didn't kill him did you,” Tiffany laughed nervously when I didn't answer Ashton making me giggle slightly.

“No, Kody called and tried to start shit....I guess I just lost my cool, destroyed the punching bag...and a few other things...”I looked down and tried to clear my throat again but that only made it hurt worse.

“Why does he think he can do this to you? He said he wasn't gonna talk to you anymore, what is his deal, you are so happy around Cam! We can all see it, I mean usually you're a paranoid mess about relationships...and everything else...but point is this is the first time we've seen your scary angry face in months,”Ashton rambled then sighed as she pulled me into a hug letting me cry into her shoulder.

Tiffany rubbed my back, I knew she was too mad to say anything because she hated Kody more than anyone else...except maybe Damien. Her cousin is married to him so she has to deal him being apart of her family. I heard a splash sound when she finally spoke up,”so what about the blood? You didn't sell your soul and do some Satanic ritual that requires virgin blood to send a flock of demons to drag him to hell did you?”

Ashton and I both laughed, I wiped my face then looked at her smiling,”no, my nose started bleeding when I disemboweled the punch bag.”

“Damn,” she smiled back at me then gave me a tight hug.

“I'm just so mad at him right now that I don't want to see, hear, or be around any guys. If he were here I probably would have killed him, and I mean it...you all know it takes a lot to get me like this,”I sighed and rubbed the side of nose as it began to hurt.

“Yeah we do, you only get this mad when you're defending animal or human rights...and the earth so mainly when you're sticking up for the little man. What are you going to do about tonight though? You're not gonna avoid Cam because some dill hole pushed your buttons are you,” Ashton leaned back against the counter.

I scoffed and began to cry again as I hid my face with my hands and rested my elbows on the counter,” he called earlier today to see how I was and I screamed at him...I told him I just wanted to be alone.” I was crying so hard that I began to cough and gag some.

“Shelb you're gonna make yourself sick, he probably knows you were upset, he'll understand don't worry about it,”Tiffany rubbed my back to comfort me again but quickly moved out of the way when I took off towards the nearest bathroom.

“I told you,” Tiffany held back my hair as I prayed to the porcelain thrown

“You still have a couple hours before Cam said to be ready, so just take a nice long bath, listen to some Led Zeppelin, calm down and we'll make sue everything is good when he gets here,” Ashton sat on the edge on the tub and handed me a rag when I finally stopped puking.

I shook my head as I leaned back against the tub and wiped my face,”he probably thinks I hate him.”

“He'll understand, I yell at Wes when I get pissed all the time, they expect to take a hit or two for someone else's stupidity,” Ashton stood up and headed out the door with Tiffany behind her,”just chillax, we got this.”

I groaned at the sound of those last three words then went to retrieve my ipod, and some incense from my room then headed back into the bathroom. I set my ipod on the bathroom dock after clicking Led Zeppelin to play, I started to run some hot water and bubbles cause we all know bubbles fix everything, I lit a stick of incense then began to treat my slightly swollen hands. I had busted a couple knuckles open while running around and laying into the punching bag with everything ounce of rage I had in me. I laid in the tub for a good hour or so before I finally felt at peace, Robert Plant, that man can fix any foul mood I'm in.

I walked back to my room smiling slightly, and searched for what to wear. I don't know what Cam has planned...that is if he still what's anything to do with me. I settled for a simple shirt and jeans then pulled out a pair clearly old and worn boots from my closest and pulled them on. I kinda looked like a hippie but that's what happens when I listen to Led Zeppelin, I slipped back in to the bathroom to apply band-aids to the middle knuckles on both hands then curled my hair loosely....singing into the curler every once in a while.

“Are you all ready?”

I gasped and turned to see Cam leaning against the door frame with a smile hanging from his lips. I couldn't help but to tear up a little as I tried to speak through my hoarse voice,”I'm sorry I yelled at you, I'm not mad at you and I had no right to take out my anger on you...I'm really sorry.”

He pulled me into a tight hug and rocked back and forth,”I know, the girls told me what happened...it's okay, it's like guy a law that eventually we all get hell for some other assholes mistake.”

I stood on my tip toes to hug him tighter, I rested my head on his shoulder as I felt his hand tangle in my hair,” it's not fair though, I'll try not to let it happen again.”

He chuckled as I stepped back and he wiped the few tears away with the pads of his thumbs then cupped my face,”Shelb, it's okay, things like this happen. It's all good though.”

I smiled at him then hung my hands loosely on his arms as he kissed me. Once we parted and took my hands and looked at them then to me and frowned, I sighed and looked at our feet,”I...kinda disemboweled the punching bag.”

He chuckled then kissed each band-aid,”remind me not to make you made.”

I smiled at him as we started down the hall,”it takes a lot to get me in the shape I was earlier so if you manage to do that you better run like hell and thank god I have terrible aim.”

He pulled me closer in a side hug as we entered the front of the house,”I'll keep that in mind.”

I blushed then laughed when I saw Wes and Damien flip behind the couch,”I'm not mad anymore guys, you can come out.”

Wes laughed nervously,”psht, we ain't scared...we're just... playing a game.”

“Wes get your ass out here, she's fine. Our boy Robert Plant fixed her up,”we laughed as Ashton leaned over the back of the couch and pulled up Wes by is ear.

“We're just gonna go ahead and leave, see ya guys later,”I hugged them all bye then we left. I couldn't help but to be nervous on the ride to where ever we're going, I'm not big on surprises plus everybody gave Cam a thumbs up when we left the house.

Cam had us eat at nice small restaurant, I'm not one for the cliché romantic dining, but it was nice. He did act a little odd though, he's probably trying to make sure I don't get mad again...which I find sweet and in the best interest of all humanity.

I giggled as Cam pulled parked his truck in front of a grocery story,”boy, you Aussie's really know how to treat a girl. We're going to the grocery?!”

He laughed and smacked my leg playfully but still hard enough to sting and make a noise,”you're real funny. Just wait here, I'll be back.”

I laughed and rubbed my leg,”ow! What could you possibly be getting?”

“Don't worry, I got this,”he flashed a cheesy smile at me knowing I would instantly worry now.

He closed the door then walked off towards the store, I pulled my phone out of my pocket then read the text I just got from Ashton, “How's it going? Where are you? What'd he do?!”

I laughed as I text back,”We ate and talked, it's going fine I guess...we're at a grocery store. Why are you asking me this?!”

It wasn't long before she answered, “We're just curious...a grocery store? Wow, they really know how to raise'em down under. Damien said maybe Cam thinks you belong back in the kitchen.”

“Tell Damien to kiss my ass! I have no idea why we're here, he won't tell me. He's been acting a little weird tonight.”

“Maybe he's just nervous...”

I looked at phone suspiciously even though no one could see me,”Ashton...why would he be nervous? What have you all done?!”

“No reason...maybe he's into that kinky shit and is getting whipped cream and stuff for you guys..I don't know, I don't talk to the man. Have fun! Bye Shelbs!”

Letting out an aggravated groan I replied quickly before Cam got back in the truck,”Damn it Ashton! Don't you dare do this to me! We haven't had sex, you all know that! What else do you know!!??”

Cam sat the bag in the back then looked at me funny as I eyed him suspiciously, “what?”

I nodded to he back seat and raised an eye brow,”what's in the bag?”

“You'll find out,”he laughed then leaned over to kiss me. I bit my lip in an attempt to refuse but quickly gave in and kissed him.

I kept checking my phone for Aston to reply but she never did, Cam took the phone from my hands and put it in his pocket. I looked up at him only to notice we were parked in a small lot surrounded by trees, it took me a moment before I realized we were at the lake. He grabbed the bag out of the back then hopped out of the truck, Okay...I'm a little confused.

I met him at the front of truck, he took my hand and led me down a small path, I could walk it in the dark if needed I've been on it so many times. He didn't say anything while he walked in front of me, I couldn't help but to giggle as we stepped down onto the large rock at the edge of the water. You could tell that I and the others had been here before due to our names and inside jokes being chiseled out of the stone.

“Cam what the hell are you doing,” I placed my hands on hips and watched him sit on another rock large rock and pulled a small tub of ice cream and a pack of plastic spoons out the bag.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me down to sit between his legs, “I'm about to watch the sun set then fireworks with you, what's it look like?”

His face buried in my neck so he couldn't see how big the smile on my face was, but it was huge. I couldn't help it though, no one has ever done anything like this for me, even if he had help from my friends it means more then he'll ever understand. I really wish he didn't have to leave.

I kicked off my boots then pulled my left leg up under my right, then sighed when I looked down at the heap of brown torn leather folding over one another. Cam wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me closer to his chest and kissed he edge of my ear making me smile again,”what's wrong?”

I turned some and looked at him, “nothing's wrong, it's just...I don't know, this reminds me of home in some ways.”

“Of home,” he gave me a confused look as he brushed some hair back off my shoulder.

“Not home, like at the house with Wes and them, but home like back in Kentucky...where my roots are,” I kinda frowned as looked at my boots again.

He nodded in an understanding notion,”how does this remind you of Kentucky?”

“Well the whole watching the sun set thing, every summer we would spend ALL of our time out at this lake near where we lived. We would wake up early, search the house for money so we could have some for later in the day, we would eat some shitty breakfast food from McDonald's, go to our spot, spend all day in the water then we would all lay by each other on this huge rock, kinda like this one, and watch the sun go down. We always took a picture of every sun set we watched, then we'd end up staying till way late into the night looking at the stars, it sounds silly and cliché but that's what we did. So the fact that you brought me to a lake to watch the sun set just really means a lot, I love it,” I smiled at him then gave him a quick peck on the lips.

“You know so much about where I'm about from and I don't know a thing about where you're from,” he chuckled a little and leaned back as he emptied his pockets.

I smiled and shrugged lightly,”you have no clue how much time I spent as a kid reading and watching things on Australia. That's all I did, anytime I had a class project I would link it back to Australia, I was really bad when it came to animals. One time in fourth grade we had to present a poster on an endangered species...I did four posters. Then in sixth grade we had to do group reports on each continent, I got stuck with North America and I was pissed, but the group that got Australia didn't even bother to pick up a book, they just came to me.”

Cam laughed as he opened the container of Phish Food,”well I think I know enough about Australia, tell me about Kentucky.”

I thought for a moment as I ate a spoon full of ice cream,”I can't lie, we may talk shit about where we're from but it's the most beautiful place I've ever been. I really do love it...and I miss it, all the mountains and farms. In the middle of summer is my favorite time, all the farmers are cutting hay so the air is filled with the faint super sweet smell of it. I always liked to wake up super early and just go and sit on our porch swing, with a cup of sweet tea with chocolate gravy and biscuits, oh my god the greatest thing ever, the air was always...I don't even know how to describe it..crisp I guess... It was just clean and refreshing, fog would cling onto everything so you could only see the faint silhouettes of the deer and other little critters as they played out in the fields. Hearing the coyote pups settle down just before the sun started to peek up over the mountains that surrounded our farm, then all of our pets would wake up and stretch, making that cute weird yawing noise animals have...it's really hard for me to put it into words. There's just so much about it, like all the bluegrass festivals, the old time feel that fall brings when everyone brings in their crops and starts canning food. All the weird food, folk lore and history, then is spring there's the Kentucky derby...and March Madness with basketball, it's something you have to see for yourself. Just talking about it makes me wanna go back, it may be full of mulleted, southern rock, hippie, old timer, ain't got a lick of sense, weirdos but I do love it.”

“Mullets? Doesn't sound that far off from home for myself,” he laughed again but I squeeled and giggled.

“Whaa?! There's mulleted folk in my future homeland?! This is news to me, I wanna move now,” he laughed harder at my child like excitement.

“Please tell me you don't have a thing for them! Shelby that's weird,” he shook his head in disappointment when I nodded.

“It's not like a sexual thing, they just make me happy that's all,” I laughed as he laid back and rubbed his face still laughing at me.

When he sat back up he was trying not smile,”I don't know what I'm ever gonna do with you Shelbs.”

I blushed giggling then joked as I stood up then sat down beside him,”well you gotta love me.”

He slowly went quite then stared at me with his crooked smiled, “I do love you..I've been trying to figure how to say it all night. I know we joke around and say it some times...and that we've only been together a couple months but the four years we've known each other have to count for something and I mean it.”

I took a deep breath and smiled but stayed quite, Didn't see that one coming! Okay...remain calm...four years as friends does mean something because you told him things as a friend that you wouldn't have told him if you had move right into a relationship. Besides, can you look into his crystal clear blue eyes and tell yourself the boy doesn't mean it? I didn't think so!

Cam's facial expression was turning to worried as he took one of my hands and laced our fingers together,”you don-”

I giggled and cut him off by shaking my head,”I love you too Cam...and you're right they do mean something.”

He smiled in relief before we wasted no time moving in on a passionate kiss. We parted once we heard aloud boom of a firework go off, I giggled and bit my bottom lip,”I think that fits the moment.”

He chuckled and nodded,”yeah it does...”

All I could do was smile as we watched the fireworks go off one after another. We shared our stories of old times with our friends, occasionally showing off a scars we had gained. He asked about Kody which made me kind of nervous but I told him anyway, he'd find out eventually and I'd rather he hear it from me. Kody was an ex-boy friend, but he was also someone I thought I could trust to always be there for me no matter what. He helped me over come a lot of things and I loved him for that, but he always expected something in return. I got a little bummed and Cam took notice of it.

He linked an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him,”come to Australia with me.”

I exhaled sharply and just looked up at him in a wild daze, WHAT?!

“Please? It'll give you a chance to get to know the area and what it'll be like to live there if you really want to move. I won't be as busy so we could be together more, plus you need a vacation from all the work you do around your house,” I was still staring at him as he tried to persuade me.

“Cam, you leave in four days. There is no way I could just up and leave everything like that...I mean who would make sure the pets got fed...that people got fed? That the groceries are bought, bills are paid, laundry done....plus we've been saving up for us to make one flight there, I can't just take money from that fund to fly there spend a couple weeks then fly right back. I want to Cam, I really do...but if I did that house would fall apart in no time,”I felt horrible for say no so quick, but I can't just leave like that.

“Shelby, you're their friend not their mom, they can survive with out you for a while. I'll pay for you so don't worry about the money, you can fly out in a couple weeks with Bilko and a couple other guys when they come. It'll be good for you,” the expression on his face my heart hurt, it's like he was a kid begging for a puppy. I could see the sadness that was to come if I said no again and the excitement if I said yes.

“I know I'm their friend but I'm used to playing mom, I just-ugh! That's way too much money Cam, I'm not letting you spend it on me...besides what if I go and something happens? Australia and California isn't exactly a short flight,” my heart broke a little when I heard him sigh.

“Shelby what could possibly go wrong? I'm sure Ashton can keep everything in order and make sure nothing bad happens. And if you don't go then I'll just spend the money on something else and give it to you so either way the money will be used on you,” he flashed a smirk that said defeat as he sat up straight.

I sighed and looked down,”I meant what if something happens... between us...I'm just trying to be rational about this.”

I winced a little as he slumped,”Shelby the only thing that's gonna happen between us if you go is that we'll be together and become closer.”

“You don't know that.”

I looked up at him when I heard him chuckle, “neither do you, but if you don't go then we'll never find out. Would you go if I asked you when we weren't dating?”

“Yeah...probably”I looked at him confused.

“Then why won't you say yes now? I can go ahead and tell you that if had gone when we were just friends I would've asked you out while you were there....if the only reason you don't want to go is because you're worried about a fight between us or something worse then why'd you even say yes to being my girlfriend in the first place?” I was kinda cute how pushy he was being but he made an excellent point with that last comment.

Why did I say yes?

I sighed in defeat and smiled at him,”okay, I'll go.”

I laughed as he smiled wide and threw his arms around me in a tight hug, then placed a kiss on my cheek,”just don't worry about anything.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes dramatically,” if I couldn't worry I wouldn't, but I worry all the time so there's no point in telling me not to!”

He laughed as stood up pulling my with him then sent me a cocky smirk,”okay...then just worry less.”

“Cam.” I put my hands on my hips and narrowed my eyes at him as gathered up our stuff.

“What? I'm just trying to be rational about this,”he mocked me as he started to walk off.

I shook my head as I followed him to a trash can in the parking lot near his truck, giving his ass a hard smack I took off towards the truck only to have him catch me quickly. I giggled when I felt his arms wrapped around my chest to keep my arms still then lifted me off the ground as he spun around then placed me back on the ground. I turned to face him and laced my fingers together behind his neck as his felt to the small of my back.

“That wasn't very nice,” he faked a frown as we spun in a circle slowly.

I giggled and copied his face,”it's tough love...get used to it.”

He smiled and bit his bottom lip as he smacked my ass much harder then I did his, sending me flying forward against his solid frame,”yeah? Well I guess I love you too then.”

“Ow,”I whined as I stood on my tip toes in some strange attempt to escape the stinging.

He laughed then slid his hand into my back pants pockets keeping me pulled close,”aww, did I hurt you?”

I nodded but that only made him laugh again,”yeah...just a little.”

“I'm sorry,” his lips brushed lightly against mine before moving closer and into a pretty intense make out session.

I gripped his shoulders tightly to keep from falling at the sudden weakness that formed in my knees, Cam removed his hands from my pants pockets but I only felt one press against the center of my back as he started to walk forwards. I moaned loudly when I miss calculated my steps and fell backwards into the side of his truck with Cam falling into me. We parted and scoffed when some ass drove pass and honked his horn yelled “get some” out his window.

I blushed but held on to Cam as he flipped the guy off,”maybe we should go?”

On the way home I sat close to the door and just blushed, That almost happened...it was gonna happen... Oh my god. I'm not sure that it's safe for me to sleep in the same bed with him tonight..., Cam chuckled snapping me out of dazed.

“What?”

I glanced up at him then back at the road, he let out a little laugh,”it's just that... I'm pretty sure you were-”

“Yep, I was totally gonna that happen...right there in the parking lot,”I laughed at myself and buried my face in my hands.

“I can't tell if you're laughing or crying,” he tugged at my shirt so I sat up and looked at him. I could feel my face burning with how embarrassed I was and he didn't help by laughing so I covered my face again. “Don't be embarrassed, there's nothing to be embarrassed about Shelby.”

He pulled my hands away from my face getting me to look back up at him and sigh,”you don't understand, that almost happened...like I was gonna throw down with you right there. I have never even let the thought of that happening cross my mind. What have you done to me?!”

We both laughed and got out of the truck and walked towards the door, he pulled me into a side hug,”what ever it is I'm not sorry.”

I'm not either... I would really like to wait a little longer before we have sex...and when nobody is home but us...