Always Yours

John grabbed my hand from under the table and kissed my cheek while I ate my lunch.

"Have you called the rehab centre yet?" He asked me.

I shook my head, chewing my fry and looking over at him. He squeezed my hand and I looked back down to my food.

I haven't thought about my mom in a really long time. Well, actually I think about her everyday but I never thought about what happened between us or where she is. I hated it.

I think a part of me didn't really forgive her for what she did, but I just told myself that I did.

"I might call later today maybe." I shrugged.

I saw John nod beside me and he spoke again, "My mom wants us to have dinner over there tonight. She misses you."

"Sounds good," I said quietly. I ripped off a piece of my sandwich and John got up from his seat.

"I'll be right back," he said, kissing the top of my head.

I sighed when he left and pushed my tray away. I felt Kennedy's eyes on me but I didn't turn toward him. I heard him move his chair closer to mine and his arm wrapped around my waist.

"You alright?" He whispered. I swallowed the lump and looked over at him. I nodded and smiled slightly. But I could see it in his eyes that he didn't believe me. He rubbed my lower back and moved forward to kiss my nose. I sighed again and laid my forehead on his shoulder.

"Do you think I should call the rehab centre?"

"I think it would be a good thing if you got to hear something good about your mom. Or even talk to her."

I sighed and pushed off him. "Tell John I'll be back." I stood up from my chair and grabbed my phone from my bag. I walked out of the open cafeteria doors when I reached them and walked to the bathroom. I locked the door after I checked if anyone else was in here and leaned against the sink. I dialed the number to the rehab centre and put it up to my ear.

"Hello, New York rehabilitation centre."

"H–Hi. I, uh, I'm looking for Sandra Scott."

"Please wait a moment, ma'am."

I breathed out and tapped my fingers on the sink. I was getting jittery and I brought my nails up to my mouth, biting nervously.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes, I'm here." I stopped biting my nails.

"I'm sorry to inform you but Ms. Scott is disabled from having calls and visitors." I bit my lip, "May I ask who this is?"

I swallowed, "This is her daughter."

"Oh my. I'm so sorry, dear."

"Can I ask why she isn't allowed for calls or visitors?"

"Well, she successfully went through withdraw and here, we let our patients go out whenever they want to but they have to come back. Your mother went out one night and she kept going out after that night. She came back one morning and she had a drug test scheduled for the afternoon. Her tests came back negative, dear."

My hand came over my mouth and the lump grew in my throat. "T–Thank you."

"I'm so sorry, Hun. Have a good day."

I clicked the end button and threw my phone at the bathroom stall. Tears were pouring out of my eyes and they didn't stop.

I leaned against the wall and cried for ten minutes. After I pulled myself together, I looked in the mirror and anger washed over me at the fact that my mom wasn't getting better because of me. My fist flew at my reflection and the glass shattered and landed in the sink. I saw blood in the edges of the sink when I looked down, my hand came into view.

This was all because of me. My dad left us because of me. Because I caused so many problems for them. I ruined their relationship and my mom will never forgive me. She would never get better if she keeps going to drugs for an escape. She will never get better.

I ripped out a few paper towels and stopped the blood gushing from my hand. Once it stopped, I cleaned up the sink and threw the towels away in the trash. I wiped my face then picked up my broken phone and shoved it into my pocket. I unlocked the door and walked toward my locker.

I got out my sweatshirt and zipped it up, pulling my sleeves over my hands and I walked back to the cafeteria. I wiped under my eyes quick and opened the door. I felt some people's eyes on me but I ignored all of them. John was back at the table and I smiled slightly at him when I reached the table. I sat down and his arm went around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"Where'd you go?" He nuzzled his face into my shoulder.

"Bathroom," I pulled my sleeves over my hand under the table and turned my head to him.

His eyebrows creased but he didn't press my any further. I breathed out when the bell rang and the room was filled with sounds of chairs screeching on the floor. I took my bag and followed John to the library. He took my hand on the way but it wasn't my bad hand. Damn, I was thankful for that.

::

"Hun, how are you? I've missed you." John's mothers arms wrapped around me and I hugged her lightly.

"I'm okay," I nodded when I pulled away.

"Come, take a seat! Dinner will be ready soon." She motioned to living room and I walked in, John following behind me. I moved a little away from John when he sat down and covered my hand, pulling my sleeve down.

"You alright?" John touched my arm.

I nodded, "Just a little cold."

"Want a sweatshirt?" He touched my leg.

I nodded again and he stood, walking into the foyer and up the stairs. I got up from my seat and walked into the kitchen then smiled at John's mother when I passed her to go to the bathroom.

I closed the door behind me and looked down at my now band-aid covered hand. When I got home, I managed to escape from John and got into the bathroom to clean it up and I had a pretty big cut but I didn't think I would need stitches. I pulled down my sleeve again and fixed my hair then went back out into the kitchen. I smiled at Mrs. O'Callaghan again and leaned up against the counter.

"Smells good, Mrs. O'Callaghan," I said to her.

"Oh, darling, just call me Jenny. And thank you."

I smiled as I watched her cut up food and check the oven. I felt a hand on my back and John appeared by my side with a sweatshirt. He placed it over my shoulders and I slid my arms in while he kissed my forehead.

"John, get her a drink and sit down at the table. Dinner's almost done." She motioned to the table.

"Soda?" He asked me. I nodded and sat down at the table. He slid in the seat next to me and opened the can then poured it into a glass an handed it to me.

"Thank you," I said small.

"Shane! Dinner's ready." John's mom called up.

John helped to bring the food to the table and she piled some onto my plate for me. Shane sat down across from me and Jenny sat on the other side of me.

As we started eating, John had his leg close to mine and I played with his feet until his mom spoke up.

"How's your mother, dear?"

"Mom," John put his fork down.

"No, John it's okay." I touched his bicep. I swallowed and looked over at Shane who was looking at me then to their mom. "I actually called her this afternoon." I felt John's eyes on me but I didn't look at him. "Well, I didn't exactly talk to her, just the lady at the desk. She can't have calls or visitors yet." I tapped my other foot and looked down to my plate. I forked a piece of food and put it in my mouth, chewing on it to distract me from John's stare. Jenny began eating again and she didn't press about my mom any further.

"Prom's in a couple days. That's exciting. Have you bought a dress yet, Markie?"

I shook my head, "I'm going tomorrow. I already have shoes but I don't know what I could do with my hair."

"Oh! I could help with that. Remember, I use to braid your hair all the time when you were younger." She smiled and touched my arm.

"That would be great actually." I nodded.

The conversation died down and she started one up again but it didn't involve me or John. I could still feel him looking at me but I really didn't want to meet his gaze. I knew I would have to talk to him when we got back and I wasn't looking forward to it.

Jenny took my plate and I helped her wash the dishes but I suggested to dry them instead of having her see my hand. I wiped my hands with the towel and we walked into the foyer to meet John go was getting his shoes on. I got mine on as well and hugged Jenny.

"Just come over whenever on Saturday." I nodded and she kissed my cheek, hugging me one more time before I walked out to John's truck with him.

I was expecting to be asked a million questions during the drive back to my house, but it was strangely quiet in the car. And uncomfortable.

My eyebrows creased when he got out of the car fast and walked up the path to my door. I followed behind him and he opened it, taking his shoes off and running up the stairs to the bathroom. What the fuck is going on with him?

I knocked on the door, "John?"

The door opened and he came out, shirtless. He didn't answer me and I called his name again. He turned around and looked at me. I raised my eyebrows but he didn't say anything. "Alright, what the fuck is your problem?"

"You called your mom," he said.

I nodded slowly, "Yeah.."

"And you didn't tell me about it?"

My mouth came open, "Am I supposed to tell you everything or something?"

"Well, that's kinda how boyfriend and girlfriend work."

I scoffed and crossed my arms, "Alright, first of all, snap out of the attitude because I'm not going to talk to you if you're being a dick to me. Second of all, what's the problem with me calling my mom?"

He stepped closer, "All I wanna know is why you didn't tell me!" He yelled, stepping closer and closer util he was practically in my face. Right then and there, I knew I started a fire.

I stared at him before I opened my mouth, "Maybe because I was upset after it! She can't have fucking calls or visitors because she relapsed okay?! She relapsed because of me. My dad left us because of me, John! I'm the reason why everything is going downhill! I fuck everything up!" I screamed in his face. He just stared at me and my vision became blurry. "I was so pissed at myself that I fucking did this!" I held up my hand, showing the band-aid over it. I wasn't even worried about it, I didn't care about what he thought. "I fucking punched my reflection because I'm always the one fucking everything up," I spat. A little drop of water escaped my eye and I looked down at my feet. More of them came and soon enough, I was staring at John's shins. I wrapped my arms around my knees, pulling them to my chest and wiping under my eyes. "It's all my fucking fault! She won't get better no matter how hard she tries." I cried. I laid my head on my knees and cried. I was even more pissed off when John didn't comfort me. I even had to check to see if he was still standing there, and he was. But soon enough, he bent down and wrapped his arms around me, one under my legs and one behind my back. He carried me to the bed and set me down. He switched the lights off and crawled into the bed. I was still crying but not loud to be heart wrenching.

"It's alright, I've got you." He made me sit up and he took the sweatshirt off me then I stopped myself from crying and wiped under my eyes. I was sick of crying.

He pressed his lips to my temple and I laid my head on his shoulder. He put me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me. "Everything will be okay, Markie. I'll be here." He leaned down and kissed my forehead.